


Under the kitchen lights

by reallyokaygirl



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-16 16:09:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 67,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21038990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reallyokaygirl/pseuds/reallyokaygirl
Summary: Chef Kang Seulgi worked hard for what she had: a successful restaurant, amazing employees and friends, and what she thought was a loving, committed relationship. But her favourite customer, Joohyun, was about to show her that life could be even better than what she thought she wanted.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to (the amazing) BlackFeather_2 for giving me this prompt, which I took and then it exploded into this fic. Blame her for all of this. Here’s the prompt: "How about a chef au? Where Seulgi is a chef at a local eatery and she tries to impress an exhausted office lady Joohyun by her cooking?"
> 
> Also a million thank you's to the MVP's ihavegabs and SeptemberLilies who helped beta and make sure this makes sense. So far it does. Yay.
> 
> I usually write fluff, but a lot of people told me they wanted angst (which, by the way: 1. There’s already a lot of sad gays out there, do we really need more? 2. Who hurt you?!). This is as angsty as I get. Don’t worry, there’s a lot of fluff still, as I am made up of 95% fluffy feelings and 5% loving Kang Seulgi.
> 
> OH also, all of this is fake, most of all how I write Sunmi: I'm sorry and I love you.

** _Under the kitchen lights _ **

** _you still look like dynamite_ **

_-Troye Sivan and Ariana Grande’s Dance To This. _

* * *

It was the perfect Friday night hot spot. 

Close enough to the bustle of the busy metropolis, but tucked away that it still felt trendy and intimate, _Gomdori Restaurant _was a favourite among locals and tourists alike.

_Gomdori_ was Seulgi’s pride and joy. Specializing in dishes that were passed down by her family for generations, she served familiar food with a modern twist. She liked the familiarity of what she was offering - not straying too far from the traditional, but also offering a welcoming and progressive environment for food to be enjoyed. 

It was her _oehalmeoni_ who taught her how to cook, and ever since then it had been her goal to open a restaurant. She opted to attend business school first, so she could understand the logistical side of owning her own restaurant. And then she went to culinary school so she could refine her skills and do her grandmother’s recipes justice. 

It was in business school that she met her best friend and now restaurant manager, Wendy. She met two other close friends, Sooyoung and Yeri, when searching for employees. With her entire team, she was able to build a successful restaurant from the ground up. 

She also had the support of her long-time girlfriend, Sunmi, who encouraged her to chase her dream. The success of the restaurant meant late nights and work that often kept her from her girlfriend, but most of the time Sunmi was understanding. They were both passionate career-oriented women - Sunmi’s drive was part of why Seulgi was so attracted to her. Sometimes their relationship took place mostly through text, but Seulgi couldn’t begrudge it too much. She loved her job and Sunmi felt the same about her own. 

When word got out that the owner and head chef of _Gomdori_ was a queer woman, members of the LGBTQ community and their allies began to flock to the restaurant. It was always full of great patrons who were eating amazing food, and there was often a line outside the door of the small restaurant. 

Gomdori had its fair share of regulars. By the front window were Yongsun and Byuli, sharing a plate of _mandu_. Near them sat Jungwoo and Sicheng, play fighting over the last bit of _yukhoe bibimbap_ in their bowls. And closest to the kitchens sat Seulgi’s favourite customer, Joohyun, who looked like she was on _another_ awful date. 

Why was she her favourite? Because she wasn’t a picky eater, she tipped well, and she was always doing _something_ interesting. 

(She also reminded Seulgi of sunshine.)

Unfortunately, the ‘something interesting’ usually came by way of really terrible dates. 

Seulgi tried not to eavesdrop, but really, it was like watching a trainwreck - she couldn’t look away. And like the metaphorical wreck, Joohyun’s date tonight was shockingly loud. 

Still, she didn’t want to make it obvious that she was listening, so she continued preparing the next few orders, quietly giving pointers to her sous chef, Taeil, who plated the dishes next to her. 

“You and that girl don’t really have any issues with public nudity do you,” she heard Joohyun say incredulously. “Are you sure she’s just your ex?”

Seulgi had also been wondering that too, after listening to Joohyun’s date brag about her unbelievable ‘sexcapades’ with an ex. Seulgi did _not_ think she sounded like an ex.

“Yeah,” her date confirmed. 

“But you were with her last night?” 

Again, Joohyun’s companion said yes, like it was no big deal that she slept with her ‘ex-girlfriend’ the night before going out on a date with someone else. 

This time Joohyun looked up at Seulgi. Her eyes looked like they were screaming _‘SAVE ME.’_ Seulgi nodded, and motioned for Yeri to come over.

“Yes, Chef?” Yeri asked, as she emptied her hands of the dirty dishes into the sink. 

Seulgi gestured at Joohyun and her date - the latter now talking about how she’d only ‘hooked up three times since our last break-up, so it’s really over.’

“Can you rescue Joohyun?”

Yeri laughed. “Again? I swear, she only comes here because she knows we’re all here to save her from all the weird girls she takes out.” 

Seulgi watched as Yeri walked over to Joohyun’s table and gave a performance that would’ve won her a _daesang_. She couldn’t exactly hear what was going on - Yeri was playing the role of Discrete Server well - but Seulgi had seen this scenario play out a few times to know what was going to happen. It was always a variation of the following: 

_Yeri: “Excuse me, is your name Joohyun?”_

_Joohyun: “Why, yes, indeed! It is!”_

_Yeri: “I am terribly sorry to interrupt, but it seems as though your mother or boss or landlord or cat or evil twin sister is trying to reach you or fire you or evict you or meow at you or take over your identity! There is an urgent call for you on the telephone in the back office that you must take now!”_

_Joohyun: “Oh my!”_

_Yeri: “Before you take the call, shall I split the bill or…”_

Seriously. It went like that every time.

Her date seemed marginally concerned. She looked expectantly at Joohyun, who reluctantly paid for both meals. They then exchanged goodbyes - Joohyun’s companion barely sparing her a glance as she pulled out her phone and stepped out of the restaurant. 

Good riddance.

Yeri ushered Joohyun to the back exit, through the kitchen. Joohyun didn’t look too fazed - Yeri was already cracking her up - as she made her escape. Joohyun bowed and mouthed ‘thank you’ to Seulgi as she walked out the exit. 

It was a well-rehearsed operation. It happened too often for them to count. 

“Taeil, can you take over for a bit?” Seulgi asked as she took off her apron.

“Yes, Chef!” he replied, reliably taking over Seulgi’s cooking station. It was towards the end of the night anyway, their busy rush long over. But even if it were, she knew she could trust him to take over for the few minutes she was going to take. 

She ran to the walk-in fridge and grabbed a wrapped package with a sticky note that read _‘Joohyun-unnie’_ on it, then followed out the back door.

She hoped she didn’t miss her - Seulgi had prepared her a special treat, in the event that her weekly date went terribly wrong. 

(Unfortunately, it often did.)

“Took you long enough, Chef Kang.”

Seulgi jumped, surprised at the voice breaking through her thoughts, and turned to see Joohyun leaning on the wall next to their exit. She was expectantly eyeing the package in the chef’s hands. 

“_Unnie!_” 

“What do you have for me today, Seulgi-ya?”

Joohyun was a loyal customer - she’d been a patron of _Gomdori_ since it began. She lived nearby, and according to the office worker, was always too tired and worn out to cook for herself. She got into a habit of going there every other week, then weekly, then sometimes every few days. The chef and staff at _Gomdori_ appreciated having Joohyun around - she was an enthusiastic fan of all of Chef Kang’s creations.

In appreciation of her loyalty, the _Gomdori _staff often gave Joohyun extra special treatment. Yeri and the front-room servers always had Joohyun’s table reserved for her; Seulgi and the rest of the kitchen staff made her special dishes when they could. 

More recently, Seulgi made her a special treat every Friday. Those treats were often reserved for really terrible dates (like the one Joohyun seemed to have just had), or just because. 

“I made you something - _bungeo-ppang. _Yeri mentioned that you had a craving for it last week, so...here you go,” Seulgi said, sheepishly handing her the wrapped pastry. 

“Ugh, I love all of you so much,” Joohyun said, happily taking the treat and biting into it. Her eyes widened as she tasted the red bean paste and sweet dough on the outside. “This is amazing, as usual!”

Seulgi shrugged modestly. As often as she heard compliments for her cooking abilities, for some reason it always made her blush when Joohyun praise her. 

“You especially deserve it after that date you just had.”

Joohyun cringed. “I could’ve lived without hearing about her sexual exploits. They’re burned in my memory forever.”

“I bet everyone else in the restaurant agrees. She was so loud!”

“She was one of my worst dates ever.” Joohyun took another happy bite. “I’d go out with her again if I meant I could eat more of _this_ though.”

Seulgi raised her eyebrows. 

“You’ve had worse?”

She nodded. 

“Once a girl introduced me to her parents on our first date,” Joohyun revealed, taking one last bite of her _bungeo-ppang_ before wrapping up the leftovers (“A snack for tomorrow,” she explained. Seulgi figured it wouldn’t make it past the walk home.)

“Seriously?”

“Her mother gave me a hug and told me that she was glad her daughter wasn’t going to be single forever. Her dad gave me a speech about treating his daughter right. Her grandmother tried to take my measurements so she could find me a wedding dress.” 

Seulgi barely held back a laugh, but then quickly had to hold up her arms to defend herself from Joohyun’s playful punch. 

“_Ya!_ It’s not funny!” Joohyun said, cracking up. “I barely knew the girl, it was so awkward! She cried when I told her I couldn’t see her anymore after the date. It was _one date!_”

“Joohyunnie, you heartbreaker!” Seulgi teased. 

“She _seemed_ normal on Tinder!” Joohyun argued. 

“Well, at least there was no crying tonight. But I’m afraid you’re going to start associating this place with bad memories. This is what - your fifth date here?”

“That’ll never happen - when I think of this place, I think about how the amazing food saved me from some _terrible_ dates.”

“That girl a couple weeks ago seemed nice. What happened to her?”

Joohyun shrugged dismissively. “I guess so? But I didn’t feel the connection. And when we kissed, she was all tongue and it was kind of disgusting.”

“You kissed her? But you said there was no connection!”

“You’re so old fashioned sometimes, Seulgi-ya,” Joohyun teased. “Of course I kissed her. What if the chemistry was in the kiss?”

“I suppose.” Seulgi couldn’t argue with that. It had been a long time since she was in the dating game, and even then, she never ‘played.’ “I haven’t had a first kiss in a while. I hope I never do again, to be honest. My girlfriend is _the one_.”

“Ugh, that is so disgustingly cute, I hate it,” Joohyun teased, fake gagging. 

“What?! I love her.”

“Gross. That’s my cue to leave before you start making me sick,” Joohyun said, pushing herself off the wall. “See you later, Chef Seulgi-ya.”

“Bye, _unnie_!” Seulgi waved, laughing at Joohyun’s retreating form. 

\---

Seulgi was greeted with darkness when she arrived at Sunmi’s place much later that night. They didn’t technically live with each other, but Seulgi liked coming home to a _home_, not the smaller apartment she rented near the restaurant. Even though Sunmi lived farther away and the travel time would cut into Seulgi’s sleep, she still wanted to fall asleep with her arms around the woman she loved.

Earlier in their relationship, no matter what time she got home from work, her girlfriend would stay up late waiting for her. But lately, with how busy Seulgi and Sunmi were with their respective jobs, the former usually came home to her girlfriend already fast asleep. She understood - but every time she’d put her key into Sunmi’s front door, she’d hold her breath, hoping that her girlfriend would be waiting on the couch for her, just like old times.

Not tonight though. It hadn’t happened for a while, but Seulgi told herself it was fine. She pushed down her disappointment and quietly made her way to the washroom to start her nighttime routine.

When she finished, she slipped into Sunmi’s bed and smiled to herself when her girlfriend immediately snuggled up against her. 

“Seulgi-ya, I missed you,” Sunmi mumbled sleepily before pressing a quick, chaste kiss to her lips. Moments like these were exactly why Seulgi drove 30 minutes out of her way every night to be with her love. Seulgi gave her a tender kiss on her forehead before tightening her arms around the taller woman’s waist.

“I missed you too, Miya. Before you fall back asleep...I have a proposition for you,” Seulgi asked tentatively.

Sunmi laughed breathily, still not completely awake. 

“Not right now, baby, I’m sleepy. Another time…”

“No, not _that_, well, actually, kind of,” Seulgi admitted bashfully. “I have a day off tomorrow. Want to call in sick and ‘catch up’?”

Sunmi groaned and pressed an apologetic kiss to Seulgi’s neck. 

“Baby, I can’t. I have meetings all day that I can’t miss. I can ask Irene if she can reschedule, but a few of them are too important to miss...”

“Oh. Okay.” The chef couldn’t keep the disappointment from her voice. 

“Next time. Give me a couple weeks notice and I can arrange my schedule to make it work for us both.”

“A couple weeks?” Seulgi asked, shocked. “We haven’t properly spent time together in weeks to begin with.”

“We’re successful women, it comes with the territory,” Sunmi answered.

Seulgi sighed. “I guess… Just promise me you’re not keeping a big secret from me-” Seulgi felt Sunmi stiffen in her arms, before quickly relaxing as she continued, “-and actually taking over the company.”

Sunmi’s laugh was awkward; it almost sounded relieved. 

“No, Seulgi-ya. Just working hard.”

“Are you okay, baby?”

“I’m fine. Just tired; I’m going to bed, okay?”

“Are you sure?”

“_Yes_.” Sunmi’s tone told her it was final; Seulgi knew not to push when she spoke like that. 

Sunmi rolled away from her and curled up near the edge of her side of the bed. 

Seulgi frowned at Sunmi’s back. 

More and more often, Seulgi felt like Sunmi was keeping something from her. It would usually start with Seulgi saying something she thought was completely innocuous, but it would make Sunmi shrink away. And before Seulgi could understand what was going on or defend herself or just get her girlfriend to talk, walls would be put up. Lately, this has been happening with increasing frequency. 

Needless to say, it was frustrating. 

“Sunmi…”

“Mmm?”

But even though Seulgi felt like she was being left out in their relationship, she couldn’t bring herself to push. Whatever it was, Seulgi was afraid to find out. 

“I love you.”

“Love you too,” Sunmi answered, muffled into her pillow. 

Seulgi didn’t want to think about how half-hearted it sounded. She laid in bed staring at the ceiling, listening to Sunmi’s breathing even out - a sign that she was fast asleep. She made a promise to herself that she would try harder to make things better, for Sunmi and for their relationship.

\-------------------

It had been raining non-stop for the past few days and it seemed like all of _Gomdori’s_ usual customers were taking cover in their homes rather than going out. The downpour resulted in a relatively slow Wednesday evening. However, Seulgi wasn’t concerned - they’d make up for the loss when the weather picks up again. 

Their last customer left a few minutes earlier, a little after 9 pm. There was no sign that there would be any more before their closing at 10. As a result, Seulgi dismissed her staff, sending them home early before the current deluge that was taking place outside.

If she were to be honest, Seulgi didn’t really feel like going home yet. It feels like she and Sunmi had gone out of step with one another. Ever since that night weeks ago, Sunmi’s walls had been slow to come down, and everything that Seulgi had been doing to try to repair whatever wrongdoing she did was met with resistance, dismissiveness, or worse. 

There fights also occurred in increasing frequency. It would begin as a typical conversation about work and trying to arrange their schedules. Then out of nowhere, the mood would change. Seulgi would make a lighthearted comment that would be misconstrued. And before Seulgi could even find out what went wrong, Sunmi would leave abruptly to attend to ‘urgent work matters.’ They don’t even have the time to mend their relationship. When Sunmi’s work days would end, Seulgi’s busiest hours would just be getting started. 

Honestly, it was kind of a comfort for their schedules to be in conflict, because it meant that she couldn’t be there to upset or even annoy Sunmi. 

Earlier that week she sent flowers to Sunmi’s office - those seemed to give Seulgi some points. It made Sunmi smile at her, almost like she used to. 

Maybe she’d do it again before the end of the week. 

Outside, the rain was pounding away even harder and was joined with cracks of thunder and flashes of lightning. She figured she should leave too - close early before the rain got too dangerous to drive in, but decided to give it a few more minutes _just in case_. She took to playing games on her phone and dancing along to the latest Tiffany Young song playing on the radio. 

She was right to have waited - because a few minutes into destroying strangers on PUBG, her door swung open. The bells attached to the door coincided with a crack of thunder, along with a small _‘eep!’,_ the source of which was hidden under a large rainbow umbrella. 

A quick shake off of the umbrella - outside the door, keeping a minimal amount of rainwater from entering the restaurant - revealed Joohyun. 

“Are you open? Where is everyone?” Joohyun asked no one, forgoing pleasantries. She scanned the empty restaurant, shrugged off her wet coat and slung it on the nearest chair. “If everyone died and I’m one of the last people on earth, I’m going to be pissed that I spent the final moments of civilization at work.”

The chef snickered at Joohyun’s complaint. 

“Everyone’s alive as far as I know,” Seulgi assured her. “It’s been a while. How’ve you been?”

“Swamped at work, living off of ramyun and hiding from the rain. But today I decided to drop by and stop punishing myself with subpar food.” 

“Well I’m honoured. Did you work late tonight?”

Joohyun nodded and Seulgi gestured for her to sit down with her at a nearby table. 

“Work is a mess, as usual. But I have to stick around for just a few months longer, then I’ll be able to get a good reference and find a new job. Hopefully one with a less insane boss.”

“Yikes.” 

“I mean, I’m lucky I have a good paying job and whatever, but half of what I do is my job _and_ reviewing my boss’s work,” she groaned. But she quickly shook her head at herself. “Enough about that though, I don’t want to talk about work. Let’s talk about _literally_ anything else. You never answered my question, where is everyone?”

“I sent them all home. I’ll pay them for the night, but It’s been pretty slow so I figured that we _all_ didn’t need to be waiting around bored for nothing. This was just before the rain got really intense, so I hope they made it home in time...”

“You’re a great boss, Chef Kang,” Joohyun observed. 

Seulgi didn’t accept the compliment though, shaking her head. 

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Well I disagree,” Joohyun said. “Were you going to close early? I can leave.”

“No, no, don’t worry about it. What can I make you?”

Joohyun grinned, nice and wide, and Seulgi felt herself returning it. Joohyun had a really nice smile. 

“_Japchae_, please!” 

“Give me 20 minutes and I’ll get it cooked for you. Unless you want to follow me to the kitchen and keep me company?”

“Sure! Is this allowed? Like, having a normal person watch a chef cook?” Joohyun teasingly asked.

Seulgi laughed. “It’s fine. It’s not like it’s the batcave…” 

First, Seulgi turned the ‘Open’ sign to ‘Closed,’ locked the front door, and then led Joohyun to the kitchen. 

She started pulling out the ingredients from the fridge and pantry. She didn’t even need to ask Joohyun about her preferences, as she knew exactly how she liked the dish. 

“Do you ever go home?” Joohyun asked, watching Seulgi cook. 

“Other than ramyun, do you ever make yourself food?” Seulgi countered, not wanting to answer for herself. 

“I spend all day taking care of other people, I think I should reward myself by eating here every once in a while.” Seulgi gave her a pointed look, so Joohyun amended. “I guess I come here more than ‘once in a while’.…”

“Not that we don’t mind, we love having you around. I just don’t get how you’re so skinny - you always finish everything on your plate.”

“If I’m not at work, I’m either sleeping, eating here, or at the gym. It’s worth it though - I can’t help myself around your food. It’s why I love you so much.”

“Don’t let my girlfriend hear you say that.”

“She has nothing to worry about. I love you for your food, not your mind or body.”

Seulgi rolled her eyes. 

“You always know how to make a girl feel special.”

“I do what I can.” Joohyun beamed. “You didn’t answer my question though. Why are you always here?”

“I love my job.”

“Ugh, what’s that like?”

“Don’t get me wrong, my job is hectic and busy,” Seulgi said, continuing to add ingredients to the sizzling pan. “But I get to work with my friends all day and meet cool people.”

“Including present company?” Joohyun playfully asked.

Seulgi pretended to think about it, which earned a swat in the arm from Joohyun.

“Sometimes I wish I chose a different career track,” Joohyun admitted.

“I don’t even know what you do,” Seulgi realized.

“Blah, blah, blah, I work in an office. It’s just so not what I saw myself doing. At 28 I thought I’d be, I don’t know, saving the world? Making a difference? Not getting coffee orders and redoing poorly done reports and being the look-out for when my boss is sneaking around-” Joohyun closed her eyes and sighed, like she was stopping herself from really expressing how she felt. She pouted a little, and it broke Seulgi’s heart to see her like this. 

“I know you said you didn’t want to talk about it, but if you need to vent about your job, you can, Joohyun-unnie.”

“If I start, I may not stop, Seulgi-ya,” Joohyun warned. She looked apprehensive, but Seulgi wanted her to be comfortable enough to talk to her if she needed it. 

“So? We’re friends, right?”

Joohyun nodded.

“Well, you can talk to me about this kind of stuff. It might help.” 

Joohyun smiled, small and unsure, then she started. 

“Okay. I...just don’t want to give up on my job just ‘cause it’s too hard,” Joohyun admitted. “And it’s not the job that’s hard, I swear. It’s just my boss! And I know that sounds silly, but it really is what’s stopping me from enjoying what I’m doing… I can’t do anything right, even though I do _everything. _I finish up every project that’s forgotten, I have way more responsibilities than I was hired to have, and I make a _fraction _of what I should be making...” She sighed. “Not to mention that everything I do is torn apart, even if the CEO or other employees like it.”

“That’s not fair to you at all. It doesn’t sound like your boss is good at their job.”

“And that’s not even the worst of it! No judgement, but how many people can one person have sex with?”

Seulgi’s eyes widened.

“What?! How would you know that?!”

“When I said I was on the look-out for my boss, I literally meant that I’d watch the door while a new Play Thing of the Week would make their way into the lion’s den.”

“So your boss is kind of a playboy?” Seulgi cringed. “Gross.”

“Except a play_girl_. Play_woman_.”

Seulgi let out a surprised laugh. 

“Whoa. Plot twist. When I thought it was some guy I was grossed out. Is it wrong that I’m impressed now that I know your boss is a woman?” Seulgi wondered. Joohyun hit her for asking. “Just kidding!”

“It’s just..._too much_. And I always have to be the one to run interference. I don’t appreciate knowing how active my boss’s sex life is.”

“That sounds awful.”

“It is!” Joohyun grumbled. “There’s always someone new leaving the office looking disheveled and I can’t even find a girl to stick around for more than a date.”

“Hey, you’ll find someone. You’re a great girl, anyone would be lucky to have you.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re happy and in a relationship and not '’Forever Alone.’”

“Well, I can’t argue with that.” 

“Why do people in relationships always have to brag?”

“To give single people like yourself hope.”

“You’re the worst.”

“Is that any way to talk to the person who’s just made you _japchae_?” Seulgi asked, finishing the dish and pouring the noodles onto a plate for serving.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. Feed me.” Joohyun pouted and if was a stronger person, Seulgi would’ve been able to deny her. But she wasn’t - Joohyun was _too_ cute. 

The two found themselves sitting at Joohyun’s usual table, both of them sharing the dish Seulgi made for her. 

“How’d you meet your girlfriend?” Joohyun asked in between bites.

“She and I were matched up in business school - she was my mentor, a senior when I was a freshman. I wasn’t even out when we first met but she… she was a magnet and pulled me in. We’ve been together for six years now.”

“You went to business school?”

“Yeah - business school first, then culinary school for two years. Now I’m here!”

“What does she do?”

Usually Seulgi took every opportunity to brag to people about her successful, important, beautiful girlfriend. But lately, with their rift and their constant arguing, she didn’t feel right boasting about her. Tonight especially, something held her back from talking about her.

She didn’t like how made her feel - like it was devious and wrong - but she listened to her gut nonetheless.

“She works in an office. Nothing too exciting, really.”

“Shackled to a cubicle. Me too. Well, no, I get a desk outside of my boss’s door, but still. If I turn my monitor _just right_, she can’t see when I’m looking for job posts at other companies.”

“You’re such a rebel!”

Joohyun playfully flipped her hair. “I know, right?” 

Seulgi ended up walking Joohyun home after, with a bag full of leftovers from earlier that night. She had planned on keeping it for Sunmi when she went over, but she got a text from her girlfriend as she and Joohyun were finishing up: _“Not feeling well tonight; don’t come over, I don’t want you to get sick. xo.”_

With the rain slowing to a light drizzle, they walked under their two umbrellas, and chatted along the way. It turned out Joohyun’s building was near Seulgi’s - just a few blocks away from the restaurant and where the latter lived. There were quite a few other restaurants, cafes, and markets nearby though, which Seulgi questioned Joohyun about. 

“But _Gomdori_ has the prettiest staff.”

“_Omo_, please don’t objectify me and my employees.”

“What? Don’t be cocky; I wasn’t talking about _you.” _Joohyun answered with faux offence in her voice. “Taeil has really kind eyes.”

Seulgi shoved her playfully. 

“Seriously though, I would walk hours to eat your _Kimchi mandu_.” Joohyun pretended to wipe drool from her lips. 

Seulgi grinned mischievously. 

“Joohyun-unnie, I would appreciate it if you didn’t refer to my body that way.”

“_Ya_! I will beat you with my umbrella,” Joohyun threatened. “And on that note - this is me!”

The office worker gestured at her apartment building - a modest building on a quiet, tree-lined street that felt safe under the glow of the street lights. It wasn’t a high-rise cookie cutter tower that was like Seulgi’s building. This one had a quaint charm to it. It suited Joohyun. 

“I’d invite you up but I’m a lady and you’re a taken woman,” Joohyun joked.

“You wish,” Seulgi giggled, hoping she wasn’t as red as she felt. She wasn’t sure why she was blushing, but she felt strangely happy to be teased this way by the woman. 

“Thanks for walking me home tonight, Seulgi-ya,” Joohyun said. She gave the chef a shy wave, which Seulgi returned. 

She honestly didn’t understand how such a sweet, funny, and pretty woman like Joohyun was single. 

It had stopped raining completely when Seulgi reached her building. When she got up to her small apartment, she pulled out her phone and tapped Sunmi’s name under her ‘Favourites’. 

_“Uh, Seulgi-ya?”_

Sunmi’s voice sounded tired and raspy. Poor thing must’ve been sleeping. 

“Hey honey. Sorry if I woke you up. Are you feeling okay?”

_“Uh, yeah... I’m just, uh, tired.”_

“Do you want me to drop the call? Or are you free to FaceTime? I miss you.”

_“No, Seulgi. I think I should rest.”_

Her voice hitched, like she was awkwardly trying to repress a gasp or a cough. Seulgi felt guilty for calling her. 

“You sound out of breath. Are you sure you don’t want me to come over? I can make you soup and play with your hair the way you like when you’re sick.”

_“No, no, don’t worry about it!” _Sunmi said, quickly. She cleared her throat, and with a weak voice muttered, _“I’m just going to sleep, okay? We’ll talk tomorrow._”

“Okay. I love you,” Seulgi said, feeling bad she couldn’t be there for her girlfriend. But Sunmi was stubborn. When she insisted on something, Seulgi knew not to push.

_“Me too.”_

When they ended their call, Seulgi could’ve sworn she heard a murmur, an unfamiliar voice even, too distinct to be a television or radio, a split second before Sunmi hung up. 

But it was probably her imagination.

\-------------------

Like clockwork at around 7:40 pm right when the dinner rush slowed, Joohyun would stop by for her take-out meal. Every day Seulgi made a different dish for her; the chef appreciated how Joohyun liked trying new food and how she generally wasn’t a picky eater (except for chicken - who in their right mind didn’t like chicken?!). 

Every time Joohyun would report back with compliments over the food, the chef would feel like it was a three star Michelin review. 

Today, Seulgi was waiting at the front for her, with a special surprise. She felt a little self-conscious waiting at the hostess stand. Sooyoung and Yeri kept giving her knowing glances - but she wasn’t even sure what they were indicating.

Seulgi was doing a nice thing for a loyal customer and a new friend. She didn’t understand why her friends were being so weird about it. 

But at the same time, Seulgi also didn’t understand why she lit up as much as she did when the office worker entered. Seulgi must’ve been smiling brightly at Joohyun to have gotten the immediate and happy reaction returned to her.

Like a fool, she grinned at Joohyun, big and wide, her eyes in crescents, then lifted up the plate that held her surprise. 

“Cake?” Seulgi asked.

Joohyun quirked an eyebrow.

“What a strange way to say hello.”

“What a strange way to turn down free cake.” She pretended to put the plate away, when Joohyun lunged forward. 

“Wait, no,” she said, her hands grabbing the plate. “I’m sorry for being snarky, please make my life better by giving me the cake. _Omo_, is it carrot?”

“It is! You once mentioned you liked it so I added it to today’s dessert menu.”

Joohyun’s eyes widened excitedly. “Did you really? I thought you only liked cooking traditional food.”

It was true; Seulgi didn’t like venturing too far away from a familiar palate. Still, she wanted to do something nice for the always stressed-out office worker. 

She wouldn’t exactly tell her that though. For some reason she felt odd about wanting to do something special for Joohyun, who was barely an acquaintance. Maybe that's why Yeri and Sooyoung were being so weird...

Still, how could she regret doing something special for Joohyun when she was met with such enthusiasm?

“Well, ever since you mentioned carrot cake, I’ve had a craving,” Seulgi fibbed. “Fortunately my timing was good, I just baked it earlier today.”

Joohyun made a squeak of excitement, happily taking a bite.

“Fair warning,” Seulgi began, already bracing herself for the reaction. “I don’t ever really bake, so it may not be great…”

Joohyun closed her eyes and moaned at the taste, making Seulgi blush just a little.

“Are you serious? Your girlfriend is lucky that I’m not a monster who breaks up relationships and that I’m not into bears, because I would marry you for this cake. _Wait, no,_ I would marry _this cake._”

“...I feel like somewhere in that was a compliment, but I can’t be too sure.” Seulgi blushed. 

Joohyun nodded and continued to eat. “I haven’t even had dinner yet.”

“You’re a grown up, you can have dessert first.”

“Ah, one of the few positive parts of being an adult,” Joohyun grumbled between bites. 

“So how was today? Any improvement at work?”

“None at all. But on the bright side, my dating prospects have gotten even worse.”

“Oh no, what happened?”

“I think I’ve dated every eligible woman in Seoul _and_ Daegu at this point, and now there’s an _ahjumma_ in my building who’s trying to set me up with her niece. Or herself. I can’t tell. Honestly, at this point, I’m willing to consider her to get everyone off my back.” 

Seulgi shook her head. 

“I don’t get how you’re single,” she admitted. Joohyun quirked an eyebrow at the chef. “Seriously. You’re funny and smart and you have great taste in food. Plus you’re pretty decent looking,” she added, bashfully. 

That was such an understatement, but she didn’t want to give Joohyun the wrong impression about how she felt. 

Joohyun was beyond pretty. Stunning. Gorgeous. Quite possibly the most beautiful woman Seulgi had ever seen. Other than her girlfriend, of course. But still. It only further added to the mystery. 

Seulgi felt warm at the sight of Joohyun’s blush. 

“Well, when you describe me like _that_ I sound nearly perfect.” 

“I’m just saying. Are people less smart these days? Or are you secretly a monster? Because I don’t understand. Thank god I have Sunmi, because dating sounds scary.”

Joohyun’s eyes widened then she laughed.

“Sorry, I’m a little triggered whenever I hear that name. _Sunmi.”_

Seulgi tilted her head. “Why’s that?”

“It’s also my boss’s name. Weird coincidence, hey? Two queer Sunmi’s.”

“What is it you said you did again?” Seulgi asked as a joke; Sunmi wasn’t an uncommon name. Plus with everything Joohyun described her boss with, she couldn’t have possibly meant the same person.

“I work at SM Financial Group; _my_ Sunmi - ugh, it feels so wrong to call her that - is an Accounts manager.” Seulgi’s heart started to pound in her chest. “See, your eyes have glossed over, I told you it was boring.” 

She shook her head.

The world was getting smaller and smaller and Seulgi’s stomach dropped.

Accounts manager. In finance. That’s what Sunmi did. 

“Lee Sunmi?” she asked, in barely a whisper. “Is she your boss?”

Her voice broke; Joohyun seemed to have come to the realization at the same time. 

Before she could answer, their front door open and a loud, excited voice, one that Seulgi usually always loved to hear, announced itself.

Sunmi.

“Seulgi-ya! Baby! Surprise!” 

Then suddenly, everything felt like it was in slow motion. 

Later, when Seulgi would think about this day, this moment, she would be able to picture Joohyun’s face perfectly. Her surprised wide eyes and her skin, almost ashen with shock, was seared into Seulgi’s memory. The way Seulgi heard her gasp when she turned to face the door as recognition flashed in her eyes.

“_EeSsa-nim_,” Joohyun said, bowing formally. 

“Irene,” Sunmi said, without a greeting. Seulgi found her tone unfamiliar. She was cold and rude, and had none of the brightness that she usually had. “Seulgi, this is Irene, my assistant. You two know each other?”

“I come here sometimes to eat,” Joohyun confirmed, meekly. 

“Irene?” Seulgi asked. 

“Irene is my English name…” 

It was that moment that Seulgi put it together.

Everything that Joohyun had said about her boss - Sunmi’s exploits, her _affairs_ came flooding back into her mind.

Everything Sunmi had said about her assistant, Irene.

Oh god.

_No_.

She thought she might throw up.

“Are you okay, baby?” Sunmi asked. Joohyun’s eyes were apologetic; Sunmi glanced at her - almost with disdain - then softened again when she turned her attention back to Seulgi. “Seulgi-ya?”

Instead of answering, she felt winded. Seulgi sat down, suddenly weak. She looked around - thankfully the restaurant was nearly empty, but she caught Yeri’s concerned glance. 

She brought her attention back to Sunmi.

With as much restraint as she could, she quietly asked through gritted teeth, “Have you been cheating on me?”

Sunmi’s eyes widened. 

“What?” She laughed, incredulously, but Seulgi noticed she didn’t immediately deny the accusation. Behind her was Joohyun, looking unsure and uncomfortable. But Seulgi could barely pay her any attention.

Not when it felt like the ground had fallen under her. 

“I should go…” the office worker said quietly. She saw Sooyoung come over and take Joohyun’s hand, pulling her away from the couple. 

Sunmi also ignored Joohyun. She reached down to place her hand on Seulgi’s knee, but the chef moved away, standing quickly.

She stared at Sunmi, unflinchingly.

“Tell me you’re not cheating on me. Don’t lie to me. Tell me that what I’ve been hearing has been wrong.”

She put all of her energy into keeping her voice quiet and measured, willing it to not waver. 

“Did Irene tell you this? Did she turn you against me?” Sunmi asked, venom in her voice. 

“You’re not even denying it,” Seulgi said, trying to blink away tears but feeling them fall anyway. “Just tell me the truth. Have you been cheating on me?”

Sunmi didn’t say a word. She didn’t have to. 

Her eyes said it all.

All the years they’d been together, Sunmi could never lie to her. It was always in her eyes.

She could see it all. All the betrayal, the guilt, the pity. The truth. 

—

The breakup came in a blur. Seulgi remembered asking her to leave, to never speak to her again. She remembered feeling so profoundly humiliated. She remembered feeling the gut punch in the realization that she loved someone who cared so little for her that she would do this. 

She remembered wanting so desperately to pull Sunmi into her arms to wipe away her tears, but equally, she remembered wanting to scream at her and make her feel as horrible as she felt.

How could she love and hate someone at the same time? 

Seulgi felt so small and helpless as Wendy came by to usher her away .Joohyun was still there, next to Yeri, both of them looking so concerned.

Sooyoung eventually got Sunmi to leave - thank god for her ability to be intimidating and imposing - and the girls brought Seulgi to her office.

Her first act as a single woman was to drown her tears in alcohol, while her girls, Wendy, Sooyoung, Yeri, and Joohyun, comforted her. 

\-------------------

Seulgi’s first meeting with Sunmi was embarrassing. 

She had signed up for a club where a senior student would mentor a freshman. This wasn’t usually something she’d ever do, but her new friend in her cohort, Wendy, was doing it and it seemed like a good idea. At best, this person could help answer some of her questions about the various courses and professors - at worst, it was an hour of wasted time. Not a big deal. 

There was a little bit of prep work needed for the club though. Each person was tasked with bringing something to the first meeting that represented who they were. 

Wendy, with her strong organizational skills, brought her computer. 

Seulgi made _dasik_.

When she was introduced to her match, Sunmi, she nearly dropped the plate. 

She was a blushing, embarrassing mess. She stuttered through her words, could barely look at the woman in the eyes, and she felt so small next to the imposing woman.

Only when she offered the cookies and saw the happy reaction from the woman - if there was one thing she was confident about, it was her cooking - did she begin to relax. Only slightly. 

But somehow, Sunmi found Seulgi charming. Somehow, a woman who was as sophisticated and beautiful as Sunmi turned her attention to the awkward but cute Seulgi.

When Sunmi began pursuing Seulgi, the younger woman was confused. When they finally started dating, every day was a shock to her. She would joke that it was because of the _dasik_, but Seulgi really wondered _why?_

How did _she_, a girl who was _barely_ out of the closet, get the attention of an older, smarter, more beautiful woman like Sunmi? 

She felt inadequate in every way. Sunmi had her future lined up perfectly for her - through her intelligence and charisma, she basically had her pick of several high profile jobs. Sunmi was _always_ on. She often told Seulgi, _“You never know when the next big opportunity becomes available to you. You have to be ready to take it whenever you can.” _

Seulgi, on the other hand, had a singular focus. She wanted to open a restaurant that honoured her grandmother’s legacy. She would strive to make enough money for a good life, but she never wanted wealth or fame or power. If those things came to her, she wouldn’t reject it - but it was never her wish. She just wanted to do what she loved and live a good, respectable life.

She felt quaint next to Sunmi, who was always hustling for the next big thing.

But they somehow made it work. Where Sunmi was sometimes overly ambitious, Seulgi grounded her. When Seulgi got too comfortable, Sunmi challenged her. 

She thought they were a perfect match. 

Ultimately, she should’ve seen this coming. Maybe not in the horrible way things went down - but Seulgi and Sunmi’s futures were never aligned. Not when Seulgi was perfectly satisfied with how things were. Not when Sunmi always wanted more. 

But she never thought Sunmi was capable of _this_.

It was like everything she’d ever thought about Sunmi and their relationship was a lie.

All of their commitments made in the quiet of the night, where just the two of them could bare every part of themselves to the other, seemed like a farce. Seulgi thought back to every ‘_I love yous’ _and every promise of a future together that Sunmi made, and it cracked her heart open.

So much of who Seulgi was - what she thought she could do, her success, her dreams, and goals - were centered around Sunmi. Now what? 

After leaving work that evening, she arrived at her apartment to find Sunmi waiting for her. The confrontation continued. Through a tearful confession, Sunmi admitted to her numerous affairs. She blamed the pressure of her work, Seulgi’s schedule, the persistence of her lovers. Through it all, Seulgi noticed she took no responsibility for herself. She made weak promises to never do it again, to stay loyal and committed - but how could Seulgi believe her? 

Seulgi took no satisfaction in standing firm - she hated seeing Sunmi’s face crumple as she choked out a sob. But she couldn’t do this anymore. The betrayal and the fact that Sunmi didn’t seem to think she could be at fault made it too hard for her to continue on.

When she tried to picture a future with Sunmi, she could only imagine the woman with her various lovers instead. 

That was not fair for her or for Sunmi. 

How could Seulgi be with someone who thought it would be okay to treat her just like that? Like she was replaceable?

When Sunmi finally left, Seulgi slumped onto her bed, exhausted. A dull ache settled in the pit of her heart. It was broken, but it was beating. It was still there. It just needed to be repaired.

Would it ever? 

\---

Seulgi could do without the pity from her employees. 

Word spread quickly through her small team and it was like they collectively agreed to treat Seulgi like a fragile little baby bird. Everyone was overly helpful, kind, and respectful.

It was annoying as hell. 

For the past week, Wendy came to work early and left work late, usually finishing her work perfectly - and a lot of Seulgi’s as well. Sooyoung and Yeri were extra sweet to her, which was _really_ disconcerting, considering they usually picked on her ruthlessly at any given opportunity. 

Her sous chef, cooks, and the rest of her serving staff walked on eggshells around her. She usually had a good boss-employee relationship with everyone - it was a friendly work environment. Instead, they were increasingly formal and stiff. 

The only good thing about this extra annoying treatment was that it was distracting her from the gigantic Sunmi-shaped hole in her heart. 

Mourning the loss of her relationship - her _only _relationship - was hard. 

She didn’t want to feel this way. She didn’t want to miss her. But even though Sunmi cheated on her and tore her self-worth to shreds, it was like a piece of her was gone. She still felt her heart race when she’d get a text, hoping it was her. She still thought about all the things that made her fall - her smile, her charm, her confidence.

They had broken up, but it didn’t mean that Seulgi could stop herself from being in love. 

It was a few weeks before she could really express how she felt to anyone. Since everyone was still so tense around her, the only opportunity for a sympathetic ear came from Joohyun.

Seulgi was working late - close to midnight - and she was finishing up some work that Wendy didn't do for her. She liked these moments where she could work alone and just focus on her job. 

Without Sunmi, her routine was out of sync. She’d stop herself from reaching for her phone to call her. She would force herself to walk up to her apartment rather than down to the parking garage to drive to Sunmi’s place. She put all of Sunmi’s possessions - the little bit that she’d left behind at her apartment - and placed them all in a box in the back of her closet.

Missing Sunmi was hard, so she came to love work even more. The routine of her day - from opening and closing the kitchen, preparing the familiar recipes, the usually boring office work - saved her from most of her thoughts of Sunmi. 

The distraction was good.

But it was not particularly healing.

Because no matter what she did, no matter how good she’d been feeling, she’d suddenly think of Sunmi. She’d watch TV and see her favourite actor and would think of calling her. She’d cook an order and it’d be of Sunmi’s favourite dish. She’d catch a whiff of her perfume and wonder if it was her she just passed on the street.

Then she’d feel her heart ache - again, it wasn’t destroyed, but it was so severely broken that it felt almost painful when she’d think of Sunmi. 

A moment like that happened again while she was completing the next food restock order form. She was listening to the radio and a cheesy English love song came on. A song that Sunmi _loved_ and learned all the words to, despite not knowing much English at all.

_“I'm not in love / So don't forget it / It's just a silly phase I'm going through…”_

She clenched her fists and bit her lip as she realized the irony of the lyrics. 

Even a silly pop song from the 80’s set her off. She scoffed at herself as she angrily wiped away the tears that fell without her permission. 

She flicked off the radio.

Silence was better.

A few more minutes passed by when a couple of quiet taps caught her attention. They sounded like they were coming from the front door, which was quite strange. The clock read 12:02 am - the restaurant had been closed for over an hour. 

Usually she would’ve ignored it, but curiosity got the best of her. She quietly stepped out of the back office, through the dark kitchen, and poked her head around the corner to see the source of the noise.

At best, it was a fallen twig or something innocuous hitting the glass door. At worst, it was a robber and she was about to find out if the four self-defense classes she took with Wendy taught her anything.

Bracing herself, she saw a tiny person - a woman by the looks of it - with her face pressed against the glass, trying to peer in. The lighting inside was dark and the figure was backlit so Seulgi couldn’t tell who it was, until-

“Seulgi-ya! Open up! It’s cold and Yeri told me you were still here!”

Joohyun’s surprisingly loud voice was followed by a few more knocks on the door.

“Ya! Calm down, I’m coming…” Seulgi called out, quickly getting to the entrance. 

She waved at Joohyun through the glass, then quickly undid the locks and opened the door.

“What are you doing here?” Seulgi asked. Joohyun strode in, bringing a little of the unseasonably cold air in. She shivered and Joohyun arched an eyebrow.

“What took you so long?” Joohyun whined, rubbing her cold hands together. “Yeri said she’d text you to let me in!”

Seulgi frowned. “I turned my notifications off so I could focus. And you still haven’t answered my question!”

“Right! Sorry,” Joohyun laughed at her own mistake. “I just had another terrible date but I let her choose the restaurant and it was all _barely _edible.”

Seulgi grimaced. She hated when bad food happened to good people.

“I can make you something, if you like?” She offered.

Joohyun shrugged. “You honestly don’t have to. I actually came by because Sooyoung and Wendy apparently told Yeri to tell me to check on you.”

Seulgi followed the chain of communication in her head. 

“Why wouldn’t Yeri tell Sooyoung and Wendy to check on me themselves?” She asked, quite annoyed. 

Joohyun shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know. But the three of them are intense and I needed an excuse to leave the date so I took it. Can I pretend that I checked on your well-being?”

Seulgi chuckled. “Yes. You can report back that I’m fine, or whatever. They all keep treating me like a baby and it’s driving me insane.”

“They mean well but I can see how they might go overboard.”

Seulgi sighed. “How are you though? Please tell me work hasn’t been even more of a nightmare…”

To Seulgi’s relief, Joohyun shook her head. 

“Nope - Sunmi…” (Seulgi stopped herself from stiffening at the sound of her name) “...made some inappropriate and false accusations towards me in front of our entire floor and... well. Thank goodness for Human Resources.”

Seulgi gasped. 

“What?”

Seulgi cringed, thinking of all the times Sunmi was cruel for no reason. It wasn’t often, but when it happened… 

“Yeah… I don’t want to upset you though. Do you want to hear this?”

Seulgi nodded. As terrible as it sounded, it kind of helped to be reminded of some of Sunmi’s less ideal traits.

“Well, she accused me of telling you just so I could ‘steal you away,’ - her words, not mine. Then she called me a few choice names that were honestly a little uncreative, if she really wanted to hurt my feelings. Then, in front of everyone, she said she would’ve fired me if I wasn’t so good at my job. Which was kind of nice to hear, actually. Especially after months of being told I was awful…”

The entire time, Seulgi frowned and shook her head. She hated how petty Sunmi could get. Joohyun didn’t deserve that. 

“Anyway, Human Resources stepped in and they’re transferring me to another team. I think she managed to keep her job, _somehow. _But she isn’t my boss any longer.”

“Good,” Seulgi said. “I am so sorry you got pulled into this mess.” 

Joohyun shrugged. “It’s fine. In the scheme of things, I got the better end of the deal. She’s not my boss anymore. Yay!”

She let out a tiny cheer - causing Seulgi to laugh, despite herself. It was nice to genuinely laugh again.

“But enough about me. I think you’re faring much better now. too. In fact, I bet no one’s even gotten you to the ‘celebration’ phase of a break-up. Let’s celebrate.”

Seulgi quirked her smile. “What do you mean by celebrate?”

“Well let's start with what I like to do when I’m celebrating. Let’s eat! Let me cook you something.”

“Really? You can cook?” Seulgi didn’t mean to sound so incredulous but seriously, she was surprised by Joohyun’s offer.

“Of course I can. Why wouldn’t I know how to cook?” 

“You come here every day…”

“You know what, just sit down, I’ll make you something. I think I know where everything is…”

Seulgi watched quietly as Joohyun gathered the ingredients she needed. Dried seaweed, sesame oil, beef, soy sauce, and garlic were placed onto the counter, along with a pot of water. 

“_Miyeok-guk_?”

Joohyun shrugged. “I know it’s not your birthday or mine, but it’s the best thing I can cook. This is a high pressure situation, I’m cooking for _the_ Chef Kang Seulgi.”

Seulgi shook her head. “I’m not anybody, this isn’t high pressure.”

“Ya!” Joohyun threatened Seulgi with the spoon. “You _are_ somebody. No matter how other people have made you feel in the past. You’re somebody. A very important somebody. Okay?”

Seulgi nodded shyly. 

She watched as Joohyun quietly got to work, surprised by how natural she was in the kitchen. Like a true chef, she tasted as she cooked, kept a close eye on the amount of salt that was used, and handled the kitchenware with ease. 

Seulgi was surprised. 

Joohyun was always surprising her.

And as Joohyun moved about the kitchen, Seulgi began to talk.

She didn’t expect to - words just kept pouring out of her. Every detail and every thought she had about her breakup - the accompanying sense of loss, her own lingering feelings for Sunmi - came up.

As she spoke, Joohyun was the perfect listener. She was empathetic and supportive, but at no point did Seulgi feel like she was being judged or pitied. 

Joohyun just had a way about her that put Seulgi completely at ease. 

Soon, Seulgi and Joohyun were perched on stools in the kitchen and enjoying a delicious - really delicious - bowl of soup. 

“This is actually good.”

“Wow, thanks.”

“What? I didn’t expect this. You’re a natural.” 

“I told you I could cook!”

“But you cook so well? Why do you eat my food when you cook like this?”

“What? You’re a great cook, too!”

Seulgi laughed. “Yeah, I am. But really, you’d save more money if you stopped coming by.”

“You haven’t let me pay in weeks. Are you trying to kick me out?”

“What? No, of course not.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“No, not at all!” Seulgi sighed. “Stay. I...like having you around. You’re the only person who I can talk to about this. Everyone else looks at me with sad eyes, or with pity. You at least look at me like…”

“...like what?”

“Like I’m not broken,” Seulgi admitted. “I’m not exactly used to people standing up for me like that. People mostly just look at me like I’m helpless, but you don’t.”

“You’re not, that’s why. You’re a successful business owner and a chef extraordinaire, who happened to fall for a monster of a woman, but hey - who hasn’t.”

Seulgi laughed. 

She’d laughed more tonight than she had in weeks. 

“Okay! Humour me, Seulgi-ya.” 

“What?”

“Since _miyeok-guk_ is for birthdays, let’s pretend that today is your birthday - it’s the birth of a happy, healing Seulgi, who’s ready to move on from her past relationship.”

“I am?”

“You are! You’re going to be fine. You will find someone who makes you feel how she did - except a thousand times better because she’ll never break your heart the same way. And she’ll be hotter too!”

“Promise?”

“I promise. Because _you_, Chef Kang, are too amazing to be unhappy forever. So happy birthday.”


	2. Chapter 2

Every year, Sunmi would take Seulgi to the Seoul Wine and Food Festival. At first it was a surprise - Sunmi wanted to bring Seulgi to an event the latter would enjoy (especially after being dragged to several boring business conferences). Those few times were fun - they’d treat the day like a date and experience the new tastes together.

However, the most recent times they attended together were less fun for Seulgi. Despite Seulgi’s culinary background, Sunmi has always taken these events more seriously. Events like these became, in Sumni’s opinion, opportunities to refine their palates and make connections that she could use in the business world. Events like these were always attended by mature, sophisticated (and very wealthy) people.

Seulgi would also feel out of place when Sunmi would turn on her ‘business persona’, and would often stand quietly next to her as her girlfriend commanded the room, as she always did so easily. 

Plus Seulgi wasn’t even much of a wine drinker, preferring beer and soju. 

Still - when the tickets went on sale earlier that year, she expected to be able to attend. When Sunmi forgot to buy them, she got them instead, hoping to surprise her.

She should’ve taken it as a sign when Sunmi forgot. 

And now, the event was a week away. Seulgi had been taunted by the tickets on her kitchen fridge for the past month, like they were a reminder that she _used_ to have someone to go to things with but now she was alone. So alone.

And none of her friends were helpful. 

None of them wanted to attend and she couldn’t blame them. It really wasn’t an exciting event and it was usually attended by stuffy wine snobs and know-it-alls.

But still. Free alcohol. 

Wendy couldn’t attend - she had plans. Sooyoung also couldn’t attend. (Seulgi suspected their plans were with each other, but she’d pry into their business another time.)

She was even thinking of skipping the event, but she had gotten so used to attending the past few years, she would feel strange. 

She asked Yeri if she could come - she always had fun with Yeri, and even though this was not really one of Yeri’s interests, she thought maybe the allure of free alcohol would help.

She asked her while Yeri was giving their next order, and to Seulgi’s surprise, Yeri declined. 

“No,” Yeri said, her eyebrows arching up in the scary/sassy way that they did that always made Seulgi flinch. “I heard you ask Wendy and Sooyoung before me and I am _no one’s_ last resort.”

“Does it help that I haven’t even asked Taeil?”

Her sous chef grumbled next to her. 

“I was going to go with you if you asked, but not anymore, Chef,” Taeil said. Yeri high fived him. 

Wendy and Sooyoung, who were eavesdropping from the office and _not_ doing their jobs, laughed. 

The betrayers.

Seulgi whined and batted her eyelashes. “Please?”

“My god, Seulgi, you’re a grown woman. Don’t use _aegyo_, have some dignity,” Yeri scolded, before taking the completed orders for her tables. 

While Seulgi continued to unsuccessfully plead with the other kitchen staff to come with her - “Taeyong, we’d have fun! It’d be like a fun platonic date! How about you, Soyeon? It’s free!” - one of her other servers working that evening, Chaeyoung, came back with her next order.

“This one’s straightforward. Joohyun-unnie wants tteokbokki to go,” she said, imputing the order into the computer. “Should I charge her for this one?”

Seulgi shook her head. “Nah, just put it on my tab, as usual.” 

“Oh! Why don’t you ask her?” Sooyoung asked, emerging from the office, putting her apron back on. 

“Why would I ask her?”

“Because your evil ex-girlfriend tortured her and nearly cost her her job. If anyone deserves to join you in unlimited drinking, it’s her,” Wendy said matter-of-factly, following Sooyoung closely behind. Seulgi noticed a brand new red mark on Wendy’s neck, one that she definitely didn’t have when she came in earlier that day. Sooyoung’s lipstick was smudged too. Something to grill them about later, for sure. She was still focused on the situation at hand.

Wendy presented a pretty convincing argument. As she personally prepared Joohyun’s dish, she considered her options.

She always had fun whenever she talked to Joohyun. Even the little bit that they’d hung out had been nice. 

Plus, Seulgi really felt a little bit of guilt for all the things Sunmi put her through. 

She really should ask if she’d come. It’s not like she’d say yes; everyone else had already turned her down anyway. It really won’t hurt to ask. 

She finished the dish and packaged it up.

“_Hwaiting_, Seulgi-_noona_!” Taeyong said, after Seulgi announced that she was going to bring Joohyun her order herself. “We’ll get the ice cream ready for you if she rejects you.” 

“If she says no, I can ask my weird cousin Donghyun if he’ll hang out with you. He’s kind of weird and has no friends, but at least I know that he’ll be available,” Soyeon offered, causing the rest of the team to break out into giggles.

If Joohyun said no, Seulgi was going to fire all of them.

(Just kidding. Even though they teased her ruthlessly all the time, she loved them all.

Sometimes.)

She glared at everyone then walked to the front, knowing that all of their eyes were on her. They were at least _trying_ to not look obvious that she was going to ask Joohyun. 

Honestly, she didn’t understand why everyone was being weird. 

It’s not like she was asking her out on a date.

She approached Joohyun, who was expertly tapping away on her phone.

“One order of _tteokbokki_ to go for Joohyun-_unnie_,” Seulgi said, with a tentative smile. “I see you’re playing _Cooking Craze_. Can’t get enough of us, can you?” 

Joohyun blushed - her rosy cheeks looked cute. The colour suited her. 

“Ya, leave me alone. I tried to get into PUBG like you suggested but I kept dying right away. It was _so annoying_.”

“It’s because Joohyun-_unnie_ likes _me_ more than she likes _you_,” Yeri said, walking past the pair with hot dishes in her hands. “Glad you like my game recommendation, _unnie_!”

Yeri threw Joohyun a wink, which made her laugh and Seulgi glare. It was exactly that kind of teasing that made her ask Yeri last! 

Anyway, back to the task at hand. 

“So...uh...any plans for this evening?”

“Well, considering I just got off work and it’s already past 8 pm, I’m thinking maybe travelling. See the world, you know?”

Seulgi laughed. “Yeah, of course. I hear Philippines is nice around this time of the day,” she said, playing along. 

“Absolutely. Maybe I’ll go there, head to Los Angeles or Paris - or both - then come back for work tomorrow morning?” Joohyun pondered. “On second thought, maybe tonight I’ll just eat while I rewatch old episodes of _Age of Youth_ then go to bed?”

“Good plan. Save the world travelling for another night. Here you go,” Seulgi said, handing over the bag. “Enjoy!”

“Thanks, Seul,” Joohyun said. 

“Any time.” Seulgi shifted on the balls of her feet. Maybe this was a bad idea; why would Joohyun want to go to a wine tasting, much less spend time with her… 

“Are you okay? You’re a little fidgety.” 

“Uh, yeah. I’m fine.” Her voice cracked a little, so she tried again. “I’m _fine_.”

“Are you sure?”

“Well…” 

Okay. Now was _not_ the time to be a chicken!

She stood up a little straighter, forcing confidence into her body where it wasn’t naturally coming. Honestly, why was she nervous? It’s not like she was asking her to go to war with her, or be an organ donor, or even more terrifying - on a date! Her damn employees, they made her tense!

Joohyun looked at her expectantly. “Well?”

“Wannahangoutwithmethisweekend?”

It was said in one single breath and was probably the fastest Seulgi had ever spoken in her life.

She cringed and blushed and then cringed and blushed even more at Joohyun’s huge smile. 

“I _think_ I understood what you were asking. You want to hang out?”

Seulgi shyly nodded. 

“I bought two tickets ages ago to go to a wine tasting event but… they were for me and Sunmi. And I asked everyone but they can’t come with me, and I really don’t want to miss out on the ₩200,000 I spent on tickets-”

“-so I’m a last resort invite?” Joohyun asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“No! Not at all! Why do people keep calling themselves that?!” she asked, panicked. “You’re not! I want to go with you!”

“Relax, Seulgi, I’m just teasing,” Joohyun assured, eyes twinkling.

Seulgi frowned. Everyone teased her; she must’ve been cursed with such a teasable face. 

“I know you just see me as a provider of food, but you’ve become a friend to me and I want to thank you somehow. What better way to thank a friend than with lots of wine this Saturday?”

Joohyun smiled - it was small, and shy and _so_ adorable, all of Seulgi’s nerves disappeared.

“Seulgi-ya. You’re not just the person who makes the food that I’m obsessed with - I mean, you are, but you’re also a friend to me too.”

“So it's a yes?”

“Duh, I wouldn’t ever leave a friend hanging,” Joohyun accepted.

“Great! I’ll text you the details and maybe pick you up on Saturday?”

“Sure!”

“Great!”

Joohyun stared for a moment - Seulgi felt a little self-conscious - then she gave her an expectant smile. 

“You’re going to need my phone number, Seulgi-ya.”

“Right!”

She fumbled for her phone, and even though Joohyun was laughing at her clumsiness, she was okay with it if it meant she got to make Joohyun smile. 

—-

Seulgi hadn't had this much fun in a long time.

She was nervous at first - she wasn’t usually comfortable hanging out with a person one-on-one. She always felt more at ease in groups of people, so she wouldn’t be the sole focus. She also always felt a lot of pressure to entertain people and to keep them interested in her. She was scared she was going to be awkward with Joohyun as a result - after all, they were barely friends in the first place. 

But as soon as Joohyun climbed into the cab that Seulgi was waiting for her in, she knew she was going to have a great time. 

“You look so different outside the kitchen,” Joohyun said, as usual foregoing a greeting.

“Is it bad?” Seulgi asked, a little self-conscious already. 

These events were usually fancier than Seulgi was used to, and she felt weird in her black dress pants with matching blazer and crisp, white collared shirt. She also let her hair down, its dark, natural waves cascading past her shoulders. It was usually up and often under a hair net when she worked in the kitchen. 

She realized this was the first time Joohyun had ever seen her in anything but her chef coat and designated chef slacks. 

“No, not at all. You look great with your hair up. But with your hair down...” Joohyun trailed off, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind Seulgi’s ear. “You look different. Good different.”

“Thank you,” Seulgi answered, willing herself not to blush at the surprising compliment. “You look pretty tonight too.”

Seulgi wasn’t lying, either. If anything she was completely understating how good Joohyun looked in the black dress and jacket she was wearing. It complimented her attire, like they had been on the same wavelength when choosing their outfits that day. 

“You’re sweet, Seulgi-ya,” Joohyun answered, almost dazzling Seulgi with her grin.

How had Seulgi never noticed this before? She always thought Joohyun was pretty, but really, she was _stunning. _She really was the most beautiful woman she’d ever met. 

(She felt guilty about the thought then reminded herself that she didn’t have a girlfriend anymore.)

She realized she was staring about three seconds after Joohyun did - as indicated by the woman’s blush - then she quickly looked down at her lap.

When they got to the event location - after a brief argument over who paid for the cab (Joohyun won) - all of Seulgi’s jitters disappeared.

Instead she felt the weird _deja vu_ of being back here with Sunmi all those times before.

But then she looked at the woman next to her, who was so different from her ex-girlfriend, and decided that that was the last time that she would let her ex enter her thoughts that night. 

“Are you also ready to try some wine while surrounded by pretentious wine snobs who’ll use descriptors like ‘mouthfeel’ and ‘hint of’?”

“I’m already bracing myself. What does ‘mouthfeel’ mean?”

“Honestly, after three years of going to this thing, I still have no idea. Let’s go get accidentally drunk!”

From that point on, Seulgi didn’t think she stopped smiling. Joohyun was so fun to be around - she was smart, clever and funny (often unintentionally). They had been walking around the pavilion, sampling the wines, and Joohyun came up with a game to make the night even more interesting. 

She found a list of words online that described wine, and whoever could get away with naming the most would win - the loser had to pay for dinner.

Seulgi knew she would lose the game when Joohyun convincingly used the words ‘intellectually satisfying’ and ‘fleshy’ in the same sentence around a group of _way too serious_ wine connoisseurs. Apparently her saying the wine had a ‘hint of dinosaur excavation and citrus’ was too much of a giveaway. 

She had been to tastings like this before, all of them with Sunmi, but none of them were half as enjoyable as her time with Joohyun. Although Seulgi had never felt comfortable in these situations, she always went to make Sunmi happy. But tonight was totally different. She hadn’t laughed as hard in ages, nor had she felt as free to let go and be herself. 

They ended the night a little tipsy, sitting on the banks of the Han river and eating convenience store _samgak-kimbap_ and _ramyun _that Seulgi bought for the two.

The air was a little more crisp than Seulgi planned for - she let out an involuntary shiver as they watched the sunset. Joohyun chivalrously offered her jacket to the chef. When Seulgi declined, she was not surprised when Joohyun insisted. 

Joohyun was just naturally selfless like that.

Still, Seulgi declined again, so Joohyun compromised by sitting closer to the chef.

Seulgi was thankful for the warmth - but strangely, it seemed to be coming from her chest and settled on her cheeks, rather than from the arm that was pressed up against her.

They had been sharing dating stories - well, mostly Joohyun. Seulgi didn’t have many stories to share, plus she really enjoyed listening to Joohyun talk.

Joohyun just shared her first kiss experience - backstage at a debate competition, with a girl from a rival school who she thought was pretty. Seulgi laughed, imagining a teenage Joohyun being precocious and confident enough to get a girl.

“She moved to Canada that summer and I’m still friends with her on Facebook. She’s married! To a _woman_.”

“Wow,” Seulgi said. The idea of marriage - even with it not being legal for her in Korea - was beyond her frame of mind. Maybe at one point but now nothing could be more separate from her reality. 

“Okay, your turn. What was your first kiss like?” Joohyun asked.

Seulgi cringed a little. She was pretty shy to tell this story...

“Nice. I was nervous, I swear I was sweating buckets...but she was...sweet. It was nice. I was 21...” Then she added, “I’ve been called a late bloomer…”

“Aww, hey, nothing wrong with that,” Joohyun assured her. “Was it...was it Sunmi?” 

Seulgi nodded and blushed even more. She usually wasn’t bothered by her lack of experience - she really wasn’t, as she had been in a relationship for the past six years and felt that it had to count for something. But any time she’d talked about her history’ (if she could even call the complete lack of dating in her past a ‘history’), people just made her feel inexperienced.

“So she was your first kiss and your only girlfriend ever?” It wasn’t really a question. Joohyun just seemed to be repeating the facts, and by the looks of it, she’s surprised by what she’d discovered . “Whoa.”

“Yeah…”

“Wait!” Joohyun asked, clutching her arm suddenly. “Is she...and please tell me if I’m being gross and if I need to mind my own business but...is she the only person you’ve ever…_You know_?”

Seulgi groaned.

_Sex. _The topic that she was most terrified to talk about at the best of times and most terrified to experience with someone new. 

It was also one of the major things she missed about her relationship. Good, passionate sex. 

_Ugh. _

She could feel her face turning red so she buried her hands in her face. 

“Don’t tease me. Why is that so shocking!?” 

“Have you seen you!?” Joohyun asked, almost exasperatedly. “You’re a babe, Seulgi-ya.”

Seulgi poked her head up and shrugged. She gestured at what she was wearing. “I mean, I guess I clean up alright.”

Joohyun gave her a look. 

“Okay, I guess I understand that I look alright, but I don’t know. I was never the pretty one with Sunmi.” Joohyun was about to speak up, but Seulgi continued quickly, “Don’t get me wrong, she never made me feel like I wasn’t attractive. But we definitely prescribed to those stereotypical roles. She took on the feminine role, and I guess by default I was more butch?”

“Ugh, I’m sorry but that’s another reason why I have a hard time being in relationships. All of that gender normative policing. Why do those roles have to exist?! Why can’t I wear a nice dress one day and then wear jeans and a t-shirt the next? Why can’t the girl I’m dating wear makeup and do her hair, and have tattoos and wear sneakers?”

“I never thought of it that way.” 

“Seulgi, the next girl you date better tell you how much of a beautiful smokeshow you are and hold her own damn purse for herself, or so help me I will find her and give her a piece of my mind.”

“Noted.” Seulgi believed her. She could already tell that Joohyun was an incredibly loyal friend.

She looked out at the river and watched the small boats sail by. 

_‘Next girl you date.’_ It jarred her to think that one day, that just might be a reality for her. She’d gone from thinking she was going to spend her life with someone to… slowly being okay with it. 

Her heart squeezed a little at the thought, but not as much as it had before.

She was getting better.

Joohyun placed her hand on Seulgi’s knee and gave it a light tap. 

“Seulgi-ya, I’m sorry if I said too much or made you uneasy. Did I overstep?” Joohyun asked, misunderstanding Seulgi’s silence for discomfort. 

“No, not at all. Just kind of threw me - _‘next girl I date.’_ I guess that’s in my future.”

Joohyun smiled. 

“It is. And you’re going to find someone even better then _she-who-must-not-be-named_.”

Seulgi laughed. 

“She wasn’t as bad as Voldemort.”

“You’re right - she was worse, because not only was she the worst boss ever, but she cheated on my friend. So that makes her my sworn enemy.”

“Thanks, Harry Potter.” Seulgi nudged her shoulder against her, her eyes turning to crescents.

Joohyun really was _so_ cute.

“Any time, Muggle friend,” Joohyun said, ruffling Seulgi’s hair.

The rest of the night was spent much like that. They stayed out watching the sunset, huddled up against one another. Eventually Joohyun, seemingly tired of Seulgi’s occasional shivers, slung her arm over the chef’s shoulders. 

Their conversation wasn’t anything earth-shattering - they mostly just argued about which Hogwarts house each of them would be sorted in. They quickly decided Joohyun was a Slytherin/Gryffindor split. Seulgi was adamant that she was in Gryffindor until Joohyun convinced her that she was really, truly a Hufflepuff. 

(“You’re so a Hufflepuff that your patronus is probably a friendly bear that would scare off dementors by being super welcoming and offering it a nice home cooked meal.”

“That is totally a Gryffindor move! It shows how brave my bear is. If anything it’d make the dementors nicer and they’d want to be my friend!”

The pointed look Joohyun gave her was all she needed to know that she lost the argument.) 

It was a conversation she wouldn’t ever have had with Sunmi. It was light and silly, and that was usually beneath her sophisticated and refined girlfriend.

For the first time since her breakup, Seulgi didn’t have a heavy heart. She felt like she was beginning to heal again and be more like herself. Like maybe, after all these years, she didn’t need Sunmi around to feel whole.

\---

Seulgi’s parents had accepted her unconditionally when she first came out to them. She was 15 years old and didn’t know much about herself or the world, except she knew two things for certain: 

  1. She made amazing _kimchi jjigae_.
  2. She was very, _very_ gay.

She knew the first time she saw 2NE1 and was confused between wanting to look like them, wanting to be their best friend and/or wanting one day marry them (any of them, really). She knew it when she watched her dramas on television and was enamoured with the female leads while all her friends were swooning over the men.

She was really pragmatic about it. When she realized, she decided to keep it to herself until she was older - but she knew she should probably tell her parents. She never had secrets from them. So she did what she did best - she used her allowance money to buy all the ingredients she needed and made a nice big pot of _kimchi jjigae. _

And over dinner, she told them.

Seulgi swore that the stew helped warm them up to the idea - figuratively and literally. They didn’t look too terribly surprised, nor did they look upset at all. That part Seulgi was thankful for - she was bracing for drama, but instead she got her parents’ usual warmth and affection. 

But she could also tell that they were apprehensive. This wasn’t the West; while they were progressive in their beliefs, they were also scared for her. 

Would the world treat their daughter well? Would she be able to find love with another woman and be safe and happy? Could she have everything she wanted? 

Still, they offered all that they could to their precocious daughter - lots of love and acceptance (and a second serving of _kimchi jjigae)._

Years later when Seulgi introduced them to Sunmi, they were mostly relieved. Whatever she’d face, at least they knew she wouldn’t be alone. They grew to think of Sunmi as part of their family, too.

So when Seulgi told her parents about their break-up, it was hard. She didn’t go into any detail, just that they had grown apart. She didn’t want to upset them - they both loved Sunmi. 

Seulgi had held off on telling them until she absolutely had to - part of it was because she wanted to deal with her emotions first, but also because she was a coward who didn’t know how they’d respond.

She tried not to take it too personally when both of her parents’ faces dropped in disappointment.

She would’ve delayed it even more, but her grandfather’s birthday was approaching, and her family would’ve been expecting Sunmi’s attendance.

For Seulgi, her father’s family parties were about as pleasant as an invasive dental surgery. Her aunts and uncles were all generally nosy and gossipy, and in contrast to her parents, had mixed (at best) reactions to her being gay. 

Unfortunately, it was her _harabeoji’s_ 80th birthday and even though he was (and this was as respectfully as Seulgi could put it) a total asshole, she had to attend. It was virtually unavoidable (if she didn’t want to be nagged by her parents) so she just had to endure the family for one night.

So far it had been a test of patience, with every relative at that point asking about her and Sunmi. Surely it had made its way down the grapevine, but her _samchons_, _gomos_, and every other member of her extended family felt like they were entitled to hearing about her relationship (or former relationship) directly from her. She had no idea everyone was suddenly so invested in her and Sunmi. 

If Seulgi went through the evening without snapping at someone, she would consider it a success. 

“Where’s Sunmi?” Another _gomo _approached - her father’s oldest sister. She was the one who lacked boundaries and never minded her own business.

Seulgi clenched her fists then forced a smile on her face. 

“She’s not here, _gomo_,” she said through gritted teeth. “We broke up.” 

“Oh no! I had no idea! When did this happen?” Her aunt asked, feigning ignorance. Seulgi knew for a fact that she had already been gossiping about her to her other aunts earlier. “But you two made such a great pair!” 

“Uh…”

“What happened?”

Seulgi grimaced. “Sometimes things don’t work out, _gomo_, you know how it is.”

“Seulgi-ya! But she was so pretty!”

Seulgi tried to take a couple calming breaths to try to stop herself from getting upset - then _thankfully_, someone came and interrupted her. 

“Sorry, _omma_,” her cousin (now her _favourite_ cousin), Minseok apologized, placing a hand on Seulgi’s shoulder. “I have to take Seulgi-ya away for a minute, we need help with something in the kitchen, it’s a disaster in there!”

“Oh!” her aunt said, surprised. “Do you need my help too?”

Minseok shook her head. “No - just the chef’s.”

“Of course! She’s the expert! We’ll just have to finish our conversation later, Seulgi-ya.” Her aunt had a glint in her eye that told Seulgi that she _definitely_ would be spending the rest of the party hiding from her.

She was only too happily let herself be ushered into the kitchen by her cousin. 

“I thought I could rescue you from that,” Minseok explained. Much to Seulgi’s relief, nothing was actually going wrong. The food was ready to be taken out by the catering company that her grandmother _insisted_ on hiring (forgetting that one of her grandchildren was a _chef_, for the love of god). “How many times have you been asked about Sunmi tonight?”

“With your mom, it brings the total to about a thousand.”

“I’m sorry, Seulgi.”

“It’s making me realize how much they identified _me_ with _her_ though. She’s the only thing anyone’s talked to me about.”

“I think it’s just their backwards way of showing that they accept you, if that makes you feel any better.”

“Or they just accepted me with _her_? Because a few of our aunts have offered to set-up me up with a few guys, and uncle Youngseok told me that he was glad I’m ‘over my phase.’” 

“Seriously? Ugh, our family sucks,” her cousin whined. 

Seulgi smiled at her cousin’s outburst. 

“You’re alright, if that makes you feel any better.”

“It does, but my competition isn’t particularly fierce.” He gestured at their younger cousins William and Bentley, who were sitting on the floor. They were both drinking soy sauce from the bottle and grimacing. “I guess they think it's cola that’s gone bad.”

Seulgi gagged. She walked over and put them out of their misery. She grabbed a couple cans of Coca Cola from the refrigerator and handed it to the boys. They happily accepted and wandered out the kitchen.

“How have you been though, really?” Minseok asked after the boys left. 

“Fine.”

“What happened?”

Seulgi sighed. 

“She ripped out my heart, stomped on it, then picked it up, and then threw it into the Yellow Sea. But I’m fine.” 

Minseok’s eyebrows furrowed; Seulgi could see the protectiveness coming over him.

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“How long has it been?” 

“A couple months. Not long.”

“Have you been dating?”

Seulgi shook her head. “No. I honestly can’t imagine me dating anyone right now. Not for a while.”

“Seriously? But the best way to get over someone is to get under someone.”

“Why are you gross?”

“What?! It’s a common saying!”

She pushed him. “Go drink soy sauce with the children if you’re going to be disgusting.”

“They wouldn’t be pushing me around like you do, that’s for sure.”

“Because they weigh 30 kilos combined. Although _maybe_ that would destroy you, I always forget that I’m stronger than you.” Seulgi proved her point by pinching his arm, causing her older cousin to yelp. 

“Since when have you been so savage?” Minseok asked, clutching his arm like it was a serious wound. 

Seulgi laughed. 

“Blame Yeri and Sooyoung. And probably Joohyun, actually…”

“Joohyun? Who’s that?”

“A customer. We’ve been hanging out a little.”

“Just you and her?” He asked. Seulgi nodded. “But you just said you haven’t been dating.”

“I haven’t been!”

He gave her a look. “Okay…”

“What? She’s just a customer! She’s one of our regulars, actually. We only started hanging out after Sunmi. She used to complain to us _for months _about her boss who’d been sleeping around at work, and I’d been bragging to her for months about my amazing girlfriend, and then Sunmi walked into the restaurant as we both realized that we’d been talking about the same person this whole time, and Wendy, Sooyoung and Yeri rescued Joohyun from being attacked by Sunmi, then she admitted to everything and my world fell apart, and Joohyun almost lost her job - fortunately she didn’t, but not before Sunmi accused her of trying to steal me, but we both had no idea that we both knew her.” She paused. Did she miss anything? She didn’t think she did, but her cousin’s gobsmacked face told her that _maybe_ she’d said too much anyway. “It sounds really weird when I say it all at once.”

“Yeah. A little,” he understated. “So...you’re not dating.”

“Uh, no.” 

Thankfully for the both of them, Seulgi’s mother called them over to the dinner table.

She took her seat, unfortunately next to her grandfather, and sat quietly during the various speeches that praised him. Even though she had to suppress an eyeroll at some of the commentaries, she was glad that it gave her a break away from the spotlight.. 

She managed to remain under the radar until dessert, until her grandfather turned his attention to her. She braced herself.

“Hello, Seulgi-ya. How are you?” he asked, his voice gruff.

“I’m very well. How are you?”

“Good. But I’ve also been troubled.”

“Are you okay?”

“Well, I’m sad you’re no longer with Sunmi.”

Oh _good_. Him too. 

“Oh. Well, sometimes things don’t work out,” Seulgi said through gritted teeth.

“But she was beautiful.”

She shrugged. Seriously, how did people want her to respond to that? She was good looking. Yes. Objectively beautiful. But so what? 

“And she had a great job, too. Very successful.”

“Mmmhmm…” 

Again - so what? 

“What went wrong? Did she find someone new? She grew tired of you?”

Ouch. Of course they’d blame _her_, she was the problematic member of the family. 

“I guess so,” she mumbled. 

“Seulgi-ya! You had such a great thing going,” he scolded. 

“Did I?” she sarcastically answered. 

“You know, I didn’t accept you and your _difference_ until we met her. I think she was good for you. You made a mistake in losing her.”

“_Halabeoji…”_ Minseok said next to her. 

“Don’t interrupt!” he scolded him. Her cousin flashed apologetic eyes. “You should beg her to take you back.”

At this point, the whole table had brought their attention to their conversation.

Including her parents, who looked _horrified_. 

“_Appa_, Seulgi can make her own decisions. If she doesn’t want to be with Sunmi anymore-“ her father interjected. Unfortunately it was in vain, as her grandfather brushed his words aside. 

“Why wouldn’t she? She will not find another woman as good as that who is _like her_ ever again,” he said, making a face and revealing his latent homophobic feelings. “At least Sunmi wasn’t, you know, obvious.”

“_Appa!_”

Seulgi stood up abruptly.

“I broke up with _her_. I found out she’d been cheating on me and it doesn’t matter that she was pretty or that she had a good job or that she didn’t look gay or whatever crap you want to believe. She was _terrible _for me and I’m better off without her!” Then she echoed what Joohyun had said to her, a few days earlier, “And my next girlfriend - yes, I’m still gay! - will be _better_ than she was because she won’t be _her.”_

Her grandfather’s eyes widened. It probably was not a good idea to yell at an elderly man. 

She looked around the table. All eyes were on her. 

“_Halmeoni…_thank you for this meal.” She bowed awkwardly at her grandmother. “I have to leave.”

She turned before leaving the room.

“Also, you know what? This family kind of sucks.” 

She almost enjoyed seeing the shocked faces of her relatives. 

Seulgi didn’t turn back. She was reaching for her car door when she was stopped by both her parents, who immediately pulled her into a hug. 

“Seulgi-ya,” her mother said, placing both her hands on Seulgi’s cheeks. “We’re so sorry.”

She shook her head. “It’s not your fault. They’re always like that…”

Her dad frowned. “No, Seulgi. You shouldn’t have to deal with that. Your _halabeoji_ was wrong - we’re so proud of you and everything you’ve accomplished. And no matter what has happened or will happen, we love you unconditionally.”

“You’re gay, we’ve always known you’re gay. And we might’ve been scared before, but we know you can take care of yourself now. And if I ever see Sunmi again, I will not hesitate to give her a piece of my mind,” her mom promised. 

“Let’s go get _bingsoo_.”

“Don’t you have to go back?” Seulgi asked.

He shook his head.

“No. Like you said - they kind of suck.”

So after all that, Seulgi definitely could not call this evening a success. 

But it was still a pretty good night anyway. 

\-------------------

“So you and Joohyun-_unnie_ have been hanging out more…”

Yeri’s sly smile came into view, distracting Seulgi from cooking the dish that had just been ordered. Seulgi was familiar with that look - it usually meant trouble. 

“Have we?” She decided to feign innocence, hoping that it would get Yeri off her back. “Not really…”

“Uh, you totally ditched us to spend time with her a few nights ago.”

“What? No, I didn’t-“

Wait, yes she did. She totally did. 

Joohyun wanted to see a movie and asked Seulgi if she was free. Yeri, Sooyoung and (a probably unwilling) Wendy asked Seulgi if she wanted to join them at the beach. 

Seulgi considered her options - and it was a no-brainer. Going with Joohyun usually meant a nice, relaxing afternoon with good conversation. Spending time with Yeri and Sooyoung meant that she and Wendy would be preventing their public nuisance behaviour. 

Obviously she chose Joohyun. 

And she had a great afternoon, which continued late into the evening and early into the morning, with Joohyun. They went to the movie, as planned (she chose Dumbo, which allowed Seulgi to playfully tease Joohyun about her _adorable_ Dumbo ear). This was followed by a late lunch. After lunch, they hung out at Joohyun’s apartment, where they listened to music and talked. Then without them realizing, night gave way to dawn; it was well into the early morning when they realized how much time they’d spent together, just chatting.

Joohyun was like the sun - Seulgi had no choice but to stay warm and happy in her orbit. 

“Uh, chef?”

Fingers snapped in her face, pulling her out of her thoughts. Oops. She zoned out.

“Uh, sorry.”

“Thinking about Joohyun-_unnie_?” Yeri asked, smirking devilishly. 

Seriously, this kid was evil. 

Seulgi felt her cheeks flush and hoped she could blame the heat of the stove she was cooking on, but Yeri’s expression said she was caught. 

“Don’t be embarrassed, _unnie_. She did the exact same thing when I asked her about you.”

“What?”

“That annoying, faraway, dreamy look?”

Seulgi’s mouth gaped open. 

“Yeah, kind of like that except less ‘clueless bear’ and more ‘starry-eyed bunny.’”

No. That wasn’t possible; they were friends. Joohyun hadn’t ever indicated or said anything to her about being interested. 

Yeri was just being _Yeri_, always looking for gossip where it didn’t exist. 

“Shouldn’t you get back to work?” Seulgi gave her a stern look, which she hoped would convey some ‘boss’ energy.

To her dismay, it didn’t work, because Yeri just laughed.

“I should. Plus I _just_ seated Joohyun-_unnie_ so I should go take her order.”

“Joohyun-_unnie_ is here?!” She couldn’t help the excitement in her voice. 

Seulgi didn’t think it was possible, but Yeri’s smile got even wider and more devious. 

“I’m lying, she’s not. But your reaction was _pretty_ revealing.”

“Ya! Kim Yerim, I’m firing you if you don’t get back to work!” 

Yeri responded to her empty threat by cackling out the kitchen. 

\---

Cooking was an art form - but running a kitchen was like having a well-tuned instrument. A guitar with strings that were off - sharp or flat or worn down - did not perform well. In the case of _Gomdori Restaurant,_ she liked to think she had the most perfectly tuned guitar out there.

She’d found a reliable, hardworking team in Taeil, Taeyong and Yerin, along with her part time cooks, Yubin and Yves. They were excellent at what they did and stayed true to the standard she set out with her recipes. 

They were so efficient, that even when they were at their busiest, delicious plates were consistently flowing out of the kitchen. She’d trained her team so well.

Sometimes she was especially glad her team was so capable, especially in emergency situations like the one she’d found herself in.

She was about to start her evening - Friday nights were one of their busiest nights, after all - when she looked down at her phone and saw several missed texts. 

All of them from Joohyun.

_‘Hey - I won’t be coming in today. I’m sick. :(‘_

_‘I think I caught it the other night when SOMEONE made me go to the night market in the pouring rain.’_

_‘SOMEONE is lucky I’m such a good friend.’_

_‘Also, can you tell Yeri I just beat her high score on level 61 in Rio. She stopped answering me as soon as I started screencapping my higher scores than her.’_

_‘We’ve been playing Cooking Craze.’_

_‘But I’m quite a bit behind her because I refuse to pay for add-ons.’_

_‘I’ll waste my time but not my money!’_

_‘...can you tell I’m bored? :(‘_

_‘Me today: Sleep, play Cooking Craze, cough, sneeze, blow my nose (TMI), sleep more, more Cooking Craze.’_

_‘Oh and eat. I’ve eaten a little.’_

_‘Okay, you’ll come back to your phone and see a million messages from me. I guess I’ll add a million more.’_

_‘Seulgi.’_

_‘Seulgi-ya.’_

_‘SEULGI.’_

_‘YA.’_

_‘Okay. I’m going to sleep again.’_

_‘Tell Yeri I beat her score on level 62.’_

_‘Also, I ran out of yuja-cha, do you think I could just add cough syrup to hot water instead?’_

_‘I dry-heaved while typing that, never mind.’_

Okay. It wasn’t exactly an emergency in the _strictest _sense of the word, but her friend was in need and it was her duty to help her! 

And it was probably her fault - she _did_ bring Joohyun to the night market, and it had been cold and wet, and Joohyun didn’t have much of a jacket on. But Seulgi had hoped that being huddled under her umbrella together would’ve made a difference. 

Well, that settled it. Seulgi had to go take care of Joohyun. 

“Hey Taeil, do you think you can take over for the night?” she asked her sous chef, who had already taken over from their daytime cook, Yubin.

“Of course. Everything okay, Chef?”

“Yeah. I just have to take care of something.”

She told Wendy that she was going to leave early - but like Taeil, she spared details. She knew they’d all take it the wrong way if she told them what she was actually going to do, and she didn’t have time to deal with their teasing. 

She stealthily gathered a few prepared ingredients that she’d need before leaving - and she wrote a note for Wendy to deduct the cost from her pay when she did payroll.

When she arrived at Joohyun’s apartment building and punched in the code for her unit, Joohyun didn’t even reply when she asked to come up. She immediately unlocked the door, and Seulgi took it as her cue to come up. 

When she reached Joohyun’s door, Seulgi immediately wanted to take care of the poor girl. 

“Seulgi-ya?”

Joohyun was bundled in a fluffy housecoat and wore plush bunny slippers. Her cheeks were red, her face a little puffy, and her eyes looked glassy. Not only that, but her voice had a rasp - not the usual, sweet rasp she naturally had, but one that was hoarse and weak. 

It was worse than she thought. 

“I brought stuff,” Seulgi indicates, lifting the bag in her hands. “Let me make you soup.”

“You don’t have to…”

“Please?” Seulgi asked, knowing Joohyun was stubborn. “You’re a lot sicker than you let on, unnie. And this all my fault.”

“I was just joking,” Joohyun feebly argued. “It’s just a little cold.”

The coughing fit that followed betrayed her. Seulgi’s frown deepened when she noticed the beads of sweat on her forehead.

“Do you have a fever?” She reached her hand to Joohyun’s forehead to feel her temperature. She gasped at the touch - she was burning up! “_Unnie_! You’re so hot!”

“Seulgi, I appreciate the compliment, but now is not the time to flirt with me.” 

Well at least she still had her sense of humour.

Seulgi rolled her eyes then pushed past Joohyun, making herself at home as she brought the ingredients to the kitchen. 

“Seulgi-ya, it’s fine, my fever will pass. It was a lot worse earlier today.”

Seulgi frowned. “You were _worse_ before? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

Joohyun shrugged. 

“I didn’t want you to get sick. And I’m really not used to...getting help for stuff like this.”

“We’ll get used to it. You’re my friend, and this is how I treat the people I care about.” Seulgi noticed Joohyun’s cheeks flush even more - she felt so bad for her, she must’ve been so ill. “Just go back to bed and save your strength, Joohyunnie.”

“I have a cold, I’m not elderly.”

“Aren’t you also just a little old?”

“_Ya! _I’m only three years older than you!” she exclaimed, which turned into another coughing fit. 

“Unnie, please, just lie down. Let me make soup and I’ll bring it to you.”

“Fine,” Joohyun begrudgingly accepted, and left for what Seulgi hoped was her bedroom. 

She began cooking, making sure each item she used was at the quality that Seulgi was satisfied with. She believed that with more care and attention she put into cooking, the better the food would taste - and in Joohyun’s state, she deserved the best.

Fortunately she had the forethought to grab some ingredients that had been prepared already, because the soup was ready in no time. 

She poked her head into Joohyun’s bedroom, but did not find her there. Instead she found her sprawled on her couch with a blanket barely draped over her. The glow of the TV was on at a quiet volume and she looked pretty peaceful. 

“Unnie?”

Joohyun was fast asleep.

She thought it’d be best to let her rest. She fixed the blanket over Joohyun’s tiny frame, making sure she was completely covered and looked comfortable. Then she went back to the kitchen and took the soup off the stove.

Back in the living room, standing over Joohyun, she considered her options. She could leave a note… or she could stay a little longer. 

She decided to stay. Being alone when you’re sick was always awful, and from the sound of it, Joohyun was used to it. Seulgi didn’t think that was right.

No one should be used to not getting help when they needed it. 

Seulgi grabbed an unused pillow and sat on it with her back against the couch. She wanted to give Joohyun all the room she needed on her tiny loveseat so she could be comfortable and recover well.

After the first episode of _Sky Castle_, which she watched with captions on so the sound wouldn’t bother the sleeping woman, she wiped the sweat from Joohyun’s forehead with a wet cloth.

After the second episode, she prepared some _yujacha_ for Joohyun to have later. 

She was halfway through her third episode of _Sky Castle _when Joohyun began to stir. 

“Seulgi-ya? What are you doing here still?” she asked, still bleary eyed.

Seulgi unintentionally smiled at the sleepy woman, who somehow managed to look adorable, despite being half asleep and sick. 

“I made _yukgaejang_, do you want some? I also made more _yujacha_ for you, I can boil water for it. Let me do that now, actually, stay-”

“-Seulgi-ya, you did all that for me?” she asked, her voice shy and tiny. 

“Of course I did,” she replied, simply. “I bet you haven’t eaten much today; let’s get you some food.”

She led the woman to the kitchen and sat her at the small table in the room. The soup had cooled down a bit, but not by much. It heated up in no time.

Joohyun just sat quietly and watched Seulgi. In most other situations she would’ve found the attention uncomfortable. But from Joohyun, it was fine. 

She had a deep stare - it must have been from her beautiful, big, soulful eyes. They always made Seulgi feel like she was _seen_, in a good way. Not only that, but they could also turn and be full of light and joy, like they twinkled. One look from Joohyun was always different from the last. It was one of the things Seulgi liked most about her. 

It was soon Seulgi’s turn to watch Joohyun as the small woman appreciatively ate her soup.

That’s when she noticed the way the bright kitchen lights illuminated Joohyun’s face a certain way. They weren’t special lights in any way - but for some reason, Joohyun was more striking than usual. Her features stood out - the sharpness of her eyes and nose with her delicate lips and jawline. 

And even though Joohyun’s nose was red from the spice of the soup, and her cheeks were flushed from her illness, it didn’t seem to make a difference. This obviously wasn’t Joohyun’s most glamorous moment but…

She was perfect. 

Seulgi’s breath hitched. 

The chef began to sweat and she felt her own cheeks flush. For a split second she thought she might’ve been coming down with what Joohyun had.

Then her heart pounded, loud in her chest, its beat stronger than it had been in months.

Joohyun had never looked so beautiful to her.

And Seulgi was falling in love. 

\---

It had been weeks since Seulgi realized her feelings and she still had no idea how it happened. 

It was so sudden, without warning. With Sunmi, the moment she met her she already knew that they’d have something special. She knew, with Sunmi’s smile and her charms, that she would be a goner.

With Joohyun, Seulgi missed every moment her feelings had grown. She’d been blind to all the signs - from making her special dishes and treat, to yearning for her company when they were apart, to going out of her way to do things for her. It was easy how Joohyun could lift her mood and make her laugh. Seulgi always felt warm and happy whenever they were together.

How could she have missed it? She ignored all the signs until it came over her like a wave, pulling her under until it was too late. 

And now what?

She didn’t know how to date or how to pursue a girl. She never had to. Sunmi did all the courting and helped guide her through the beginnings of the relationship. 

And with Sunmi, she thought she was done with all of _that_. Sunmi was her first and she had hoped that she’d be her last and only. She had what she thought was her forever… but now? This was new and unsettling and _really_ inconvenient.

And she and Joohyun were _friends_. She never went into a friendship with any intention for more. She didn’t know the first part about confessing or dating or anything like that. Any time she flirted, it was 90% accidental, 10% a fluke. 

Seulgi was inexperienced and awkward.

But Joohyun?

She was every good thing about her world lately.

Seulgi didn’t want to screw that up. She didn’t want to just be another one of Joohyun’s bad first dates.

She didn’t even have to be anything other than a friend, really. Maybe she was just confused - she was still trying to get over her feelings for Sunmi, maybe this was a rebound and that her feelings would fade away quickly. 

Maybe.

And was it even right for her to be thinking about pursuing something with Joohyun when she was still dealing with heartache? In moments where Seulgi would think she was absolutely over her ex-girlfriend and moved on, she’d remember something - a happy memory with Sunmi, the way she made her feel, the special way she’d smile at her - and get her heart broken once again.

Sometimes being with Joohyun was enough to make her forget about Sunmi. But sometimes it wasn’t. It didn’t matter that she cheated on her. Her stupid heart still missed her.

After overthinking for _way too long, _Seulgi decided to get up and do something. She decided to go for a run. 

Running always helped clear her head - she _hated_ it, she knew it was good for her, but really, _what was the cost?! _\- but it really did help. When she ran she could just focus on what she was doing and not the millions of thoughts going through her head.

Or so she thought.

Every step seemed like she’d alternate between thoughts of Joohyun and Sunmi.

She jogged for a few moments.

‘_Joohyun-unnie looked really beautiful at the restaurant last night. Was she on a date? I should’ve asked who that girl was…’_

She began to pick up the pace. 

‘_I wonder what Sunmi’s up to. I hope she’s well. Wait. No I don’t! But I do. I miss her. I shouldn’t miss her!’_

She ran past a dog walker and three adorable puppies. 

‘_Unnie would’ve been so scared… Should I text Joohyunnie later? She said she was free this afternoon… maybe we can hang out, go see that movie she wanted to see…’_

She took a drink from a water fountain. 

‘_Last time I went to the movies with Sunmi was forever ago. We split a bag of popcorn. I mean, I ate most of it but still. It was fun. Mmm...popcorn.’_

… yeah, she was a mess.

Eventually thoughts of Sunmi became fewer and fewer, while thoughts about Joohyun began to occupy her mind. And maybe her thoughts were _super_ powerful, because while she was thinking about how soft Joohyun’s hair was, she thought she saw her on the path up ahead, jogging in her direction. 

It’s like she willed Joohyun into existence.

(Of course she didn't, but Seulgi liked to pretend she had _that much_ power.)

When she realized that yes, it was in fact Joohyun, she ran a little faster to reach her. She hadn’t quite noticed her yet.

“Hey, _unnie_,” Seulgi greeted, trying to regulate her breathing, as she approached.

Joohyun, clearly in the zone, was surprised to see her. She jumped back a little when Seulgi spoke, then her eyes widened. 

Seulgi would’ve grinned at Joohyun’s little _eep_ when she was startled, but she had more pressing things to deal with. 

“_Omo_! Seulgi-ya!” Joohyun said, taking her headphones out of her ears. “I didn’t know you were a runner too!” 

How _dare_ she look so good in her workout clothes?! How was _that_ outfit good to exercise in? Sure, it was similar to what she was wearing - the typical tight work-out pants and cropped tank top. But on Joohyun?! They should ban _lululemon_ in Korea. This was an _outrage._

Also _maybe _she shouldn’t have been so blatantly staring at Joohyun and the little bit of skin showing on her stomach (_good god_) because suddenly a hand was waving in her face. 

“Seulgi! Are you okay? You kind of spaced out.”

“Uh, yeah,” she mumbled. “What did you say?” 

Joohyun didn’t seem to notice her pretty pathetic ogling - thank goodness.

“I said I didn’t realize you were a runner too!”

“Oh, uh, I’m not - I hate it _so_ much,” Seulgi admitted. “But I have to prepare for the worst - what if there’s a zombie apocalypse or I have to chase a robber or _I’m _the robber and I need to run for my life?”

Joohyun laughed; to Seulgi it was like _music_ (okay, more like an angry dolphin, but she loved hearing it nonetheless).

“Well in any case, I think you’ll be fine. Who would’ve thought you had _abs_?” Joohyun teased, poking Seulgi’s midriff. “Remind me to find you during a zombie apocalypse; you can take care of me.”

Seulgi shook her head. “No, no, no, it’s every woman for herself! You’ll give us away with your loud voice!”

“Ya!” Joohyun shouted, punching Seulgi in the shoulder _hard_.

“See?!” Seulgi groaned, rubbing her shoulder where Joohyun hit her. “But _maybe_ I’ll keep you around, if you hit like that.”

Joohyun’s eyes, her beautiful eyes, twinkled (‘_Seulgi, calm yourself’_ she internally scolded). 

“_Please_, you just want me around in general, zombie apocalypse or otherwise.” 

The chef shook her head, vehemently denying it. “Nope. I just want your tiny fists of rage to protect me.”

“I see right through you, Kang Seulgi,” Joohyun said, taking a step closer. Despite Joohyun being sweaty from her run, she still somehow smelled like lilacs, freshly done laundry, and a scent that was singularly _Joohyun _(whatever it was, it was irresistible). “You want me around.”

Seulgi gulped.

“Don’t worry,” Joohyun continued. “I want you around, too.”

Then a bicyclist - a damn reckless jerk on a bike - zoomed past them, startling Joohyun, causing her to stumble forward into Seulgi’s arms. (What a great bicyclist, an unsung hero!)

They stared - probably a beat too long, because Seulgi’s eyes drifted down to Joohyun’s lips and they were _so _close and _so_ kissable. Then she looked right into Joohyun’s eyes and saw curiosity, confusion - and maybe, possibly, interest. 

But then Joohyun shyly pulled away from Seulgi’s arms - and Seulgi was certain that Joohyun’s blush mirrored what she felt on her own cheeks. 

So she took a chance that _maybe_, just maybe, Joohyun might like her too. 

“Hey, do you want to do something tonight? Hang out or...whatever?”

Joohyun’s smile fell - and so did Seulgi’s. 

“Oh… I’m sorry, I have plans.”

At least Joohyun looked disappointed.

“Oh. That’s fine-”

“-yeah, there’s this girl, Jennie, and she’s asked me out a few times and I finally said yes…”

“Right, of course,” Seulgi nodded, wishing she could rewind to 60 seconds ago when she didn’t feel like curling up into a ball and disappearing. 

“I can cancel though!”

Joohyun must have sensed how pathetic she felt. 

“No. Don’t worry about it. Don’t ditch a date for me, she could be the love of your life and we’re...just friends, right?”

“Right,” Joohyun sighed. “Are you sure?” 

“What do you mean?”

Joohyun looked at Seulgi, and tentatively took her hand. 

“I can cancel. If you want me to. If…” Joohyun stopped, and Seulgi’s mind raced for the beat or two that Joohyun collected her thoughts. “If you wanted me to not go on a date with her, I wouldn’t.”

Joohyun traced her thumb back and forth on the back of Seulgi’s hand, making her heart speed up even more. 

Then suddenly, the feeling of Joohyun’s hand in hers, pulled her thoughts away. Like being forced into _deja_ _vu_, she remembered Sunmi.

Seulgi flinched away, almost like she was burned. She suddenly felt dread, like she’d been betraying Sunmi - although she knew fully well that she hadn’t been, that they’d broken up for months, but…

This was all just so new. 

She tried to _ignore_ the hurt on Joohyun’s face.

“Go have fun, unnie,” Seulgi said. “I’m sure she’ll be a great date. If you come to the restaurant tonight, I’ll tell Yeri and Sooyoung that dinner is on me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Of course. Anything for a friend.” 

Seulgi quickly made an excuse to go - she couldn’t deal with being around her for a minute longer. Quite ironic, considering for the past few days she’d been coming up with excuses just to see her.

She knew she’d replay that conversation in her head for a while and kick herself.

She groaned. And kept running. 

\---

There was something comforting about using the recipes she’d learned as a child, passed down from her grandmother, who learned from her own grandmother, and so on. Seulgi had adjusted and tweaked where needed - modernizing the techniques or the ingredients - but she kept the heart of each recipe. The care and consideration put into every dish, no matter what it was, was what made _Gomdori_ so special.

It was nice to have these old, reliable recipes to cook. They grounded her and helped her focus on what was important: serving other people. 

Whatever she made would be part of someone’s life. Maybe it would be the best meal of someone’s day. Maybe someone would make an important announcement while sharing the dish with friends. Maybe two people would fall in love while enjoying the food. 

Because of that, the routine of cooking dish after dish never bored her - if anything, she loved it. It was probably why she stayed with Sunmi for so long and was having such a hard time with the break-up. Seulgi loved stability and routine. She wasn’t great with surprises.

And lately, her life had been one surprise after another. 

So while she always loved her restaurant, she loved it even more lately. She loved her customers - her new ones and her regulars. 

Her regulars, like Joohyun.

They’d been seeing each other daily. Joohyun was at the restaurant most days anyway, and when she wasn’t, Seulgi would find a reason for them to see each other. 

Her feelings had been growing steadily. She still had no idea how to deal with it, but she knew that every time Joohyun was around, she felt happy.

She deserved to feel happy.

It was Friday again, and Joohyun had just entered the restaurant, as she usually did. This time though, Seulgi gleefully noticed that she was alone.

Since everyone had gotten so accustomed to her being there, Joohyun walked past the hostess stand and waved at tonight’s servers - Sooyoung and Jiwoo. 

Seulgi grinned, watching Joohyun head straight to the kitchen, where she, Taeyong and Yves were working. 

“Hey Joohyun-_noona_. Date tonight?” Taeyong asked, completing a dish that he and Yves had been working on. 

“Not tonight. I’m just here by myself.”

“Seulgi-unnie should join you!” Sooyoung interrupted, poking her head into the kitchen. 

“Oh, I shouldn’t - we’re getting busy…” she said, gesturing at the plates laid out, ready for the various dishes.

“We can take care of it,” Yves said. She nudged Taeyong, who nodded. 

“Don’t worry about us! Take a break, Chef!”

“It seems like I’m being kicked out of my own kitchen,” Seulgi mumbled, mostly to Joohyun, who laughed - and did that cute nose crinkle thing that she did when she felt particularly playful.

“Well you probably should leave right away, before they take it out on the food quality,” she said, conspiratorially.

“Wouldn’t want that,” Seulgi nodded. “Fine, you guys win. Joohyun, is it okay if I join you?”

“Definitely not, but whatever, join me,” she joked, rolling her eyes. 

They walked out to Joohyun’s table - it was a little strange for Seulgi to be sitting out here, in the spot where Joohyun’s dates usually sat. But at the same time, it was kind of nice to be able to relax with her friend, who was still her very favourite customer. 

“What do you feel like tonight?” Sooyoung asked Joohyun, handing over the menu. The woman declined it. 

“I already know what I want if Taeyong is in the kitchen. I want _haemul pajeon_ and _galbitang_, please!” Sooyoung took their orders, which also included a couple glasses of water and a bottle of soju. 

“He makes those better than you do,” Joohyun said, teasingly. 

Seulgi frowned. “You’re paying for me tonight, right?”

“I haven’t paid in _months_!” Joohyun pouted. “I was just kidding!” 

“Exactly and you’ll be paying from now on since I know you like Taeyong’s food so much.”

“I don’t. I was kidding!” Joohyun cried. “You know you’re my favourite.”

“Favourite cook?”

“Of course,” Joohyun said, shyly. “What else would you be to me?”

Seulgi gave a small smile, letting the question linger in the air. 

Joohyun had been more forward lately, giving Seulgi strong signals that she also wanted more. It was Seulgi who kept stopping their progress. Every time she thought she could do it, she’d think of a million reasons to not do anything about it. 

But tonight, in the restaurant that had become Seulgi’s second home, she thought maybe she could take the chance. 

\---

“Can I walk you home?” 

The two had just finished their meals. The atmosphere (and probably the two bottles of soju) loosened Seulgi’s usual inhibitions. Their conversation flowed - Seulgi and Joohyun both getting bolder with their flirtations as the night went on. 

“I’d like that.”

Seulgi let Wendy and her kitchen staff know that she was going to head out. Wendy gave her a knowing her look and a quiet _‘hwaiting!’_, which Joohyun definitely overheard, based on the blush that dusted her cheeks. Seulgi would’ve been more embarrassed if Joohyun didn’t look so cute. 

Their walk was quiet. Joohyun slipped her arm through Seulgi’s and they kept a slow pace, just enjoying each other’s presence.

They arrived at Joohyun’s building too soon.

“Do you want to come up?”

Joohyun’s eyes were more hooded than usual; she looked equal parts sultry and cute, and Seulgi was a goner. 

“Sure.”

The walk up the three flights of stairs to Joohyun’s apartment was quiet. It was a stark contrast to Seulgi's heart, which was beating loud and rapidly against her chest.

Joohyun opened her apartment door and let Seulgi inside. 

“Want anything? I have water and...water, probably,” she offered, walking straight to the kitchen. Seulgi followed and watched as Joohyun checked her refrigerator. “I have cola, too. Seulgi?”

Seulgi couldn’t take it anymore. 

She put her hands on Joohyun’s hips, shutting the fridge door and turning her around. 

Then she leaned her forehead against hers and closed her eyes. The way her chest was pressed against hers, she was sure Joohyun could feel the pounding of her heart. 

She wasn’t usually bold or brave, but she had to do it. 

“Can I kiss you?”

Joohyun didn’t answer; she just closed the distance between them.

Then Seulgi felt the softest lips press up against hers and she was happier than she’d felt in months. 

The kiss was shy - tentative, and a little awkward - but there was an underlying sweetness that Seulgi couldn’t get enough of. Joohyun was holding herself back, letting Seulgi set the pace, letting her go as gently and slowly as she wanted. 

The care Joohyun had for her left her breathless. 

After a few moments of the softest, most innocent kiss of Seulgi’s life, she took the next step. She parted her lips and tentatively traced her tongue along Joohyun’s bottom lip, asking for permission to deepen the kiss. Joohyun gave it by returning the kiss with the same urgency. Tongues slipped past parted lips, both of them learning each other’s taste and feel and what made the other shudder.

She took a step forward, pressing her body against Joohyun’s and wrapping her arms around her. The smaller woman’s lithe frame against hers made her head spin. 

Seulgi couldn’t believe this was happening. This incredible woman, who was so patient and caring and smart and funny and _earth-shatteringly_ beautiful was kissing her. 

Seulgi was so used to being the smaller one in an embrace. She discovered that she liked being taller for once.hen she had her arms around Joohyun, she became her whole world. 

Then suddenly - Seulgi was overwhelmed with memories.

_Feeling Sunmi’s lips on hers for the first time. Her first kiss ever, with anyone. Feeling Sunmi’s long figure against her own, the woman dominating her both in and out of the bedroom._

_Promises made that they would be together, forever; commitments of fidelity that Seulgi held close to her heart. _

_Then seeing Sunmi for the last time, as she slammed the door behind her, locking it and their six years behind it. _

“Seulgi-ya?” Joohyun asked, her eyes full of concern and worry; Seulgi hadn’t even realized they stopped kissing. “You’re crying.”

“I am?” she asked. She touched her cheeks and sure enough, they were damp with tears.

“Are you okay? Did I push you too much?” Joohyun asked. Seulgi could see tears pool in her eyes with worry.

Seulgi cried harder at Joohyun’s concern. 

“I’m sorry,” Seulgi said, slumped against Joohyun’s small kitchen table. The spot where she realized she was falling in love with her. The spot where she was now coming apart because of it. “This is a lot to deal with.”

“We don’t have to do anything, Seulgi… if I made you feel pressured or anything, I am so sorry.” 

She vehemently shook her head. “No. Don’t apologize. You’re fine.”

“Was it...me?”

Seulgi shook her head. “No, Joohyun. You’re perfect.”

“Then what happened?”

“I still have some issues about Sunmi, I guess.”

Joohyun nodded, allowing Seulgi to continue. 

“I’ve never-it was just her. It was always going to be just her. I thought I was going to be with her forever.”

“Seulgi-ya…”

She felt tears start to fall again. She didn’t want Joohyun to see her like this. She didn’t want anyone to see her like this.

How pathetic. She had the perfect woman standing right in front of her, but she couldn’t get past the heartbreak. How was she supposed to love Joohyun if she was so unloveable by the woman she loved before? 

“I had my last first kiss already, but then everything fell apart and now I’m standing here with you and I just kissed you and you’re amazing, and I want you but I… I’m so confused.”

“Seulgi, it’s okay…”

“No it’s not! I don’t know how to do this! I loved her and she didn’t love me, not as much as I did. And I hate knowing that I spent six years with someone who I was willing to spend a hundred years with and she was always looking for someone else. Because I wasn’t good enough.”

“Seulgi…” 

“Why couldn’t I have met you first?” she asked, desperately. 

“Seulgi, let’s sit down, we’ll calm down and then we can figure this out.”

She couldn’t; she needed to leave. She couldn’t imagine spending another second here, not when she felt her heart racing, her skin crawling, like she was a livewire. She needed to go home, or run, or run away. 

“No, I can’t. I have to go.”

“Please stay.”

“No, I have to go. I can’t be here. I...need to be alone. I’m sorry, Joohyun.”

Seulgi walked out, leaving a devastated Joohyun behind. 

-———————

Up until recently, Seulgi was certain about three things: food was her world, she loved her parents, and Sunmi was going to be hers forever. Her life had been built around those things - cooking, making her parents proud, and building her life with Sunmi.

And she was so sure that she tried to make it official - well, as official as she could make it. 

It was when they had just reached their one-year anniversary and Seulgi knew - she knew in her _bones_ \- that her future was going to include Sunmi. 

She held the woman close, took a deep breath and she could feel her heart pounding in her chest (she was certain Sunmi could feel it too), then asked: 

“One day, if it’s ever possible here, will you marry me?”

And Sunmi lit up like the sky when it struck midnight on New Years Eve. 

“Yes. Absolutely.”

And honestly? Ask Seulgi about the best feeling she’d ever had in her life and she’d still point to that moment. 

But then her life came crashing down.

And now there was this other amazing girl who she could see _something_ with. Maybe it was too soon to know, but there was something there. 

Joohyun could be her future.

The same gut feeling she had before when she held Sunmi in her arms and when she asked her to be hers forever, was back. 

But she was also so sure before and look what happened. That scared the hell out of her. 

She wanted that again, however. She wanted to love and feel loved again. 

But she was scared.

She didn’t know if her heart could take any more pain.

She had a lot to think about. 

\---

“So you are alive.” 

“Last I checked, I am,” Seulgi laughed, trying to cut through the tension. 

Joohyun did not look humoured. 

It was a few days later. Seulgi had taken some time off work at the restaurant to work through her issues - mainly, why it was so hard for her to move on. Instead, she was just overwhelmed by how embarrassed she was.

She replayed the night a million times in her head, wishing she could go back and shake herself for walking away from Joohyun. From the only person who made her feel like herself again. 

She hated that she couldn’t stop thinking about Sunmi.

She hated that she was insecure and afraid and couldn’t find it in her to be brave enough to just _try_.

But more than anything, she wanted to call Joohyun, to ask her for help and advice but she couldn’t even do that. Could you imagine how awkward that conversation would’ve been?

_(“Hi unnie! I’ve developed a crush on you - probably deeper than that, honestly - but at the same time, when we kissed, I suddenly thought of my ex-girlfriend, who broke my heart, but I still have feelings for some reason? Also, I am a little inexperienced and a huge mess. Anyway, can we make out? Because on top of all of that, I’m a little horny and our kiss was easily the best kiss of my life. But the competition isn’t too steep since, again, it’s literally just you and my ex-girlfriend. Oh, also, how have you been? It’s been a while!”)_

It was a damn cycle. 

And now the woman was pushing past her doorway, letting herself into her apartment.

“So you’ve just been avoiding me?”

“To be fair, I’ve been avoiding everyone.” 

“Why?”

“I’ve...had a lot on my mind.” 

Such an understatement. 

Joohyun made no more moves to enter her apartment. She stayed in the foyer, her hand still on her purse strap; Seulgi thought it looked like she was using it to hold her in place, like she was willing herself to not move closer to her.

She looked insecure and worried but she also still looked like every good thing in Seulgi’s world.

“Nothing you can share with me?”

“It’s not interesting…”

“I beg to differ. You’re incredibly interesting to me,” Joohyun said, so sincerely that it made Seulgi blush. “You’re so interesting to me, I find that I just can’t stop thinking about you…”

If it were possible, Seulgi would’ve told the butterflies in her stomach to _please_ stop flapping their wings every time Joohyun spoke to her like that. 

Like she meant it.

“How do you do that?” she asked.

“Do what?” Joohyun quirked up an eyebrow. 

“Flirt so easily. And make me feel...things?”

This time it was Joohyun’s turn to blush. She shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m just talking.”

“You’re really good at it. Sunmi was, too.”

Joohyun frowned.

“I’m not her, you know.” 

“I...know.” 

“Is that what’s going on?” Her voice was calm and understanding; Seulgi didn’t know what she did to deserve so much tenderness from the woman. 

“I guess? Or not. I don’t really know...” she said. “My head is a mess.”

“I don’t...understand what you’re going through,” Joohyun admitted. “I haven’t been in a relationship longer than a few months - it’s pathetic, really. But I...want to see this through, if you want. We can go at whatever pace you want…”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah…But think about it, okay? You’re still not over what happened, I can see that. You may not even be fully over _her_. I won’t be a placeholder for your old relationship.”

“You’d never be, Joohyun,” Seulgi tried to reassure her, but Joohyun shook her head. 

“Just be sure, Seulgi, okay? Promise me, you won’t do anything with me unless you’re sure. Promise me I won’t be your second choice.”

“I promise.”

“Okay. I’m going to go.”

“You don’t have to...”

Joohyun let out a little laugh. “I do - because if I stay, I might do something crazy like kiss you again.” 

“But you can, if you wanted...” Seulgi couldn’t help her excitement from entering her voice. She missed Joohyun’s lips. She’d only felt them once before, but she felt like it wasn’t enough. 

Joohyun slowly closed her eyes, like her resolve was nearly fading. Then she shook her head. 

“No, Seul. I won’t do anything until you’re 100% sure,” she said. Joohyun opened the door, but before stepping back, she pulled Seulgi into a hug. “Call me in a week? And we’ll talk again.”

“Okay. I’ll...miss you,” Seulgi whispered, pressing a chaste kiss against Joohyun’s cheek before pulling away.

“I’ll miss you too, you dork.”

Seulgi closed the door behind and she felt it. 

Hope. And a future to look forward to. Two things she hadn’t had in a while.

\---

It was one of the best sleeps she’d had in a while. 

She felt completely relaxed and could barely register anything except for the incredible feeling of peacefulness that surrounded her. Her head felt light and completely zen. Her muscles ached in the deliciously familiar way they did after a night of passion. And the weight on her chest was soft-

-weight on her chest?

Seulgi’s eyes snapped open, and the sight that greeted her made everything around her crash down.

Sunmi was curled up in her arms, both of them naked with their limbs completely intertwined.

_Oh god. _What did she do?! 

It was all coming back to her at once, like a 4K movie in surround sound.

Last night. She remembered everything. 

Seulgi had been in one of those moods. She had been attempting to figure out what made it hard for her to move on. She was also trying to come to terms with her own her insecurity, her perceived inexperience, and her own self-identity - all of which she wrapped around her relationship. 

When everything she had with Sunmi fell apart, her own idea of who she was fell apart with it. These issues, which she didn’t think she had, surfaced as soon as she and Sunmi broke up.

And so Seulgi called her. She wanted to talk, she wanted to get some answers - why Sunmi cheated on her, why she couldn’t love her as much as Seulgi did, why she kept stringing her along if she wasn’t happy. 

She thought she needed answers for closure. 

Seulgi’s stomach was in knots as she waited for Sunmi to arrive. She was terrified of getting hurt again - and seeing this woman who hurt her and now was haunting her like a ghost, she had every reason to feel that way.

So she had a few drinks. 

Not too many - but enough.

Enough that when Sunmi arrived at Seulgi’s door, Seulgi knew she was a goner. 

She looked apologetic and sad - not at all like the confident, bold woman Seulgi knew. She said all the right things. She admitted to her faults, which she had never done before. She finally took responsibility for breaking them apart.

It was everything Seulgi had wanted to hear for months. 

When Sunmi reached for her hand, she let her take it.

When Sunmi leaned forward, she didn’t pull away.

When Sunmi kissed her, she kissed her back.

When Sunmi led her to the bedroom, Seulgi enthusiastically followed, longing to feel _wanted_ again in the carnal way that only Sunmi had made her feel before. 

It was like going on muscle memory, how easily Seulgi gave in to the familiarity of Sunmi. She let herself go blank - for once, she was so steeped in the moment that she wasn’t able to think about anything beyond her own pleasure. It had been so long, after all, and her body was weak for this woman. It always had been. 

Anything Sunmi wanted, Seulgi was always willing to give.

But the clarity of the morning did her no favours. 

It didn’t change anything. Seulgi wasn’t thinking last night; she was weak and she let herself fall back into Sunmi’s arms - but it meant _nothing_. 

Sunmi _cheated_ on her - what was Seulgi thinking?!

She lay perfectly still, full of embarrassment and anger, and tried to figure out her next course of action. Sunmi had to leave - obviously - but Seulgi didn’t know how. She just needed her out. 

Then, of course, things just started to go downhill from there.

Her phone buzzed again - Seulgi belatedly realized that it was the sound that woke her earlier.

She reached for her screen, careful not to wake the sleeping woman who was still sprawled on top of her, and her stomach dropped.

A missed text from Joohyun that read: _‘It’s been a week, and I know I said that you should call me, but I couldn’t wait. I’ll be there in 15 minutes. xo’_

It was sent about 10 minutes ago. 

Seulgi nearly jumped out of bed, immediately waking Sunmi up.

She told her she had to leave, repeating how much of a mistake last night was. Sunmi looked confused - she must've thought they’d reconciled last night.

Seulgi wouldn’t even consider it. 

Not when she Joohyun meant so much more to her. Not when everything with her could easily fall apart in _literal minutes_. 

After months of trying to repair her heart, one moment with Sunmi and she forgot everything.

“This was a mistake,” Seulgi said, frantically replacing the clothes that were torn off the night before. She tossed Sunmi her clothes too, not wanting to look at the naked woman anymore. “You need to go.”

She was acting ruthless and heartless, but she was panicking - she just _needed_ Sunmi to leave. 

“Seulgi, what’s happening?” Sunmi asked as she wiped the sleep from her eyes as she dressed.

Seulgi hated that this was happening again. 

“Sunmi, I’m sorry. Last night was a huge mistake.”

“What do you mean?” Sunmi was clearly confused and looked to be on the verge of tears. 

Seulgi stopped. She looked at the woman again, finally letting her really _look_ at her. She was clothed - disheveled, but clothed. Her hair was a mess, unmistakably from a night of passion.

But instead of feeling the waves of love that she used to feel when she looked at her, she felt nothing. Some regret, maybe? Some warmth, sure. But not the same strong feelings of love she had before.

She was such a fool.

But maybe Sunmi was too. 

“This shouldn’t have happened; it was wrong. Now you have to go.”

“What? I thought you still loved me. Last night...the way we made love…”

“Stop it, Sunmi.”

“Seulgi-ya, I love you.”

“Don’t say that!” Seulgi yelled, in a rare moment of her raising her voice. “You don’t love me. _I_ don’t love you. I wasn’t thinking last night and I was weak. That’s all.”

In a flash, Sunmi’s eyes, which had been tearing up a moment ago, turned cold. She stood up and walked to the door, gathering her things on her way out. She turned for one last goodbye.

“You’re right; it was a mistake. I’ll go.” She glared. “Don’t talk to me again. Don’t call me again. We’re done.” 

Seulgi didn’t say anything, ignoring how hurt and angry Sunmi looked. Anything she’d say would make it worse anyway, and frankly, she didn’t care. Joohyun could be there any moment.

Seulgi opened the door. 

And there she was.

Standing on the other side was Joohyun, her fist up, as though she was about to knock.

Seulgi caught the happy - hopeful - look on her face when the door swung open, but it changed quickly when she saw who was on the other side.

One look at the state of the two women - Seulgi clearly dressed haphazardly, Sunmi’s hair still in disarray, and both of their expressions looking shattered - seemed to tell Joohyun everything she needed to know. 

Seulgi’s stomach dropped.

Joohyun seemed stunned in place, looking at the two. 

“Well this is fucking rich, Seulgi,” Sunmi bit out, breaking the silence with so much vitriol. Seulgi felt like she deserved it. “Good seeing you again, _Irene._” 

Sunmi looked at Joohyun, almost accusingly, and left without further acknowledgment to Joohyun or Seulgi.

Then it was just the two of them.

Joohyun remained rooted on her spot by the doorway, staring at Seulgi with so much hurt. Seulgi had never seen anyone look at her like that before. She hated that she’d caused that. Especially to the woman she loved.

She _loved_ Joohyun. She was done falling. This was it. She’d never been more sure in her life. And she could feel Joohyun slipping away.

Although it wasn’t so much a slip as it was a plummet. 

“I shouldn’t have come here. What am I doing here?!” Joohyun said, almost frantically, to herself. She was looking everywhere else but at her.

That’s when Seulgi noticed the flowers in her hand.

“No, please stay!” Seulgi begged.

“Why?!” Joohyun cried. “So you can lead me on again? Just call Sunmi back, so you two can take turns ripping me apart.” 

“Last night didn’t mean anything. We’re over.”

“So you spent the night with the girl you’ve been in love with for forever, but it suddenly meant nothing?!” 

“Being with her one last time helped me realize it!” 

“God, Seulgi, do you hear yourself?”

“Just stay!” Seulgi said, grabbing Joohyun’s arm. She twisted out of Seulgi’s grasp, almost throwing her arm off her. 

“Don’t touch me!” Joohyun warned. 

“Calm down, Joohyun! It’s not like we were together; it’s not like I cheated on you.” 

It was the wrong thing to say. In a split second, Joohyun went from angry to profoundly hurt in front of Seulgi’s eyes. 

“Wow.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Seulgi apologized. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No. I’m going,” Joohyun said, finally pushing past Seulgi. “If that was how much I meant to you then…”

“Joohyun…”

“You’re a hypocrite, Seulgi. Don’t talk to me again.” 

* * *

_A/N: Relationships are complicated, moving on is tough, and if I knew these characters, I would give Seulgi [this book.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCmZ2jrQooE)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is cross-posted from AFF. 
> 
> PLEASE DO NOT REPOST THIS/CONVERT THIS ANYWHERE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


	3. Chapter 3

Work. Home. Work. Home. Work. Home.

The routine that Seulgi previously clung to had now become a reminder of how alone she felt. Days that were filled with Sunmi - then with Joohyun - had become empty.

But life went on. The sun rose and set on Seoul as it always did. The world turned as it should. The universe didn’t end just because Seulgi got her heart shattered into a million pieces. 

It was like the past few months that she spent trying to get over over Sunmi didn’t happen at all. Now she was torn up again because of Joohyun but she could only blame herself.

She listened to sad songs and only watched sad movies. Her _Coupang_ account kept recommending different tissue products to dry her pathetic, lonely tears.

…she was really big into self-pity these days.

There were good things going on, of course. Wendy and Sooyoung _finally_ stopped denying it and told everyone they were together. Yeri remained exceedingly popular and continued to befriend half of Korea. The rest of the staff seemed as happy and hardworking as always.

When she was at work, Seulgi tried her best to push her emotions down and act like everything was alright. It was hard - she knew that sometimes her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes, and her laugh didn’t quite have its usual joy behind it. 

She thought she was doing a good job of hiding her round-the-clock pity party. She would’ve been perfectly fine continuing to be borderline emo, but it seemed like her friends had other plans. 

Her reality check came in the form of three very intimidating women who stormed into her office.

“Seulgi-_unnie_. Please take what I’m about to say with the love and respect I mean to say it with.” 

Yeri stood before her, flanked by Sooyoung and Wendy - pity, concern, frustration, and annoyance written all over their faces. Seulgi glared. She didn’t have time for this - they were interrupting her very important inventory work - but she humoured them anyway.

“What now?”

“You’ve been acting like Sadness from _Inside Out_.”

“Excuse me?”

“What she _means_ to say,” Wendy said, pushing Yeri aside, “is that you’ve been moping around for too long.”

“No, I said it exactly how I meant to say it. It’s really pathetic, _unnie_,” Yeri said.

Seulgi glowered, turned her attention back to the food order spreadsheet she was working on her computer, and began to type with more force than was necessary. 

“You’re not the one who’s been destroyed by unrequited love,” she said, dramatically. 

“It was kind of your own fault…” Sooyoung mumbled - but Seulgi caught it nonetheless. “No offence.”

“If this was supposed to be a pep talk, you guys are really bad at it.”

“Good, because it’s _not_,” Yeri said. With surprising strength, she pulled Seulgi away from her computer and spun her chair around to face them. “It’s supposed to be your wake up call. Stop moping around!”

“Again, what Yeri means to say,” Wendy interrupted (“I’m saying it how I mean to say it!” Yeri argued back), “is that the past six months have only been one sad Seulgi after another. First it was over Sunmi, now it’s Joohyun. Your feelings are totally valid but-“

“-you have to move forward, or do something about your situation. Just please stop   
bumming everyone out!” Yeri yelled out.

This time it was Sooyoung’s turn to push Yeri aside. Like a mother placating a toddler throwing a tantrum, she patted Seulgi’s shoulder.

“We understand you’re upset. Relationships are difficult and can be hard to get over with, no matter what stage you’re in. But witnessing this change in your attitude has been hard on us all. When you switched the restaurant playlist to all those sad songs, at first it was funny.” 

Wendy continued, “But yesterday I caught Taeil crying about his lost love and I also overheard Yubin mumbling about not finding the right bottom for her.”

“And Yves and Jiwoo won’t stop giving each other heart eyes but they’re too afraid to do anything about it,” Yeri added. She crossed her arms and gave Seulgi a level stare, “I’m pretty sure it’s because of the ‘romance ruins everything’ speech you randomly gave the other night.” 

“You’re our boss, our leader, but you’re really affecting our morale,” Wendy ended. 

Seulgi felt awful. She knew she had slipped a few times before, but she really thought she’d been hiding her feelings well. Had she really been so distracted by her own thoughts that she didn’t notice how much it had been affecting her team?

“What should I do?”

“Stop being a weenie-” Yeri started to say, but Sooyoung cut her off by covering her mouth. 

“We’re going to take you out tonight! We’ve already talked about it with the team, and they all agree that you need a break. So we’re going to go do the number one thing that is guaranteed to get you happy again: an escape room.”

Yeri squirmed her way out of Sooyoung’s grip. 

“Or we can go see strippers!”

“I did not approve of that idea,” Wendy interjected, vehemently shaking her head while Yeri pressed her hands together, unsuccessfully begging the others. “We’re doing what Sooyoung originally said.”

Seulgi sat back on her chair and looked at each girl’s expression. They all looked at her expectantly - they were doing their best to help and be supportive of her; the least she could do was try for them.

Even though she was miserable, she could try.

“Fine,” Seulgi said. “Let’s do it.”

“Strippers?!” Yeri excitedly asked.

“No!” the three yelled at Yeri.

“Seriously, when history looks back on Kim Yerim, books will be written about how I was an underappreciated genius…” 

So Seulgi let herself be dragged out by the girls. Surprisingly - or not so surprisingly, because she _loved _escape rooms - she had a blast. 

It was 55 minutes and 23 seconds of in-sync team work, lucky guesses, and light bulb moments. And Seulgi and Wendy only needed to break up an argument between Yeri and Sooyoung once (their love/hate friendship dynamic was weird). 

They celebrated their victory the best way they knew how - bubble tea. And they all voted that it would be Seulgi’s treat. 

(She agreed, since she _did_ owe them all for being such a downer.)

“How do you feel now, _unnie_?” Yeri asked, happily sipping her drink.

“I feel good. I needed tonight,” Seulgi admitted. “I have been spending a lot of time in my head for weeks thinking about Joohyun and I hadn't realized how much it was affecting everyone. I’m sorry I’ve been a mess; I’ll try to be better.”

“Seulgi, we understand you’ve been through a lot. We just want you to be happy,” Wendy said. 

Seulgi reached around the table and gathered the girls into a hug.

As they all pulled away, Yeri spoke up.

“And I have one more surprise for you; we’re going to the strippers!”

The other girls groaned.

“Yeri, _no_,” Sooyoung whined. “Can you imagine Seulgi-_unnie_ at a strip club? She’s so no jam, she’d be too shy to look at any of the girls, and then she’d probably take a few aside and try to give them money for college courses.”

“_Hey_,” Seulgi said, ready to defend herself but then she thought about it for a second. “Yeah. You’re probably right.”

The night out with the girls was good; it wasn’t exactly healing, but it helped to be reminded that life should go on and she can be happy again. 

Sometimes you needed your friends to lift you up. And even though she thought she barely deserved it, she was thankful for them. 

\---

When she was hurting over Sunmi, she turned to Joohyun. After Joohyun, Seulgi turned to her friends.

Since hanging out with the girls, she had been doing well. Still not perfect, but enough to get by. After many apologies to Taeil for the distress she caused, pep-talks with Yubin (“You’ll find the right bottom for you, I promise!”), and encouraging Yves and Jiwoo to follow their hearts, her relationship with her team returned to the way it was before. 

And really, she _was fine_. Joohyun was just a girl (a girl who she really had strong feelings for), and it’s not like it was the end of the world (just probably her last opportunity to be happy). And sure, sometimes when she was by herself, alone at night, not able to sleep, without the distraction of friends and work, she was overwhelmed with the feeling that she’d be alone forever and she’d never feel the security and happiness a relationship could bring ever again...

But it was not a big deal.

_Blah._

See? It was stuff like _that_ that was making it hard for her to move on. She chastised herself, because why was she acting like this?! She was an independent, accomplished woman. Why was she acting like the end of a relationship (and the end of another potential relationship) brought on the end of her world?! 

But again: she was fine and none of this was a big deal. She was fine. 

Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine!

So when Wendy and Sooyoung announced that they were moving in together, she could be happy for them. Because she was _fine. _And when they said they would be throwing a housewarming party, she didn’t think it would be an issue when they asked if they could invite Joohyun. 

But Seulgi’s facade was shaken when she walked into the party and saw her in the flesh.

With a beautiful girl on her arm. 

It was like a punch in the gut.

She pretended not to notice Joohyun at first. Instead, Seulgi smiled politely when Wendy greeted her, laughed when Sooyoung teased her, and let Yeri introduce her to anyone and everyone who was at the party. (Yeri thankfully avoided Joohyun for her.)

The whole night however, Seulgi felt eyes on her. Whenever she’d look back at Joohyun and her girlfriend, she’d catch the older girl looking her way. Their eyes would lock every now and then, and although Joohyun was quick to avert her gaze and pretend as if she hadn’t been staring, it was too late. Seulgi saw.

Maybe Joohyun missed her as much as she did. 

Maybe Seulgi was just imagining things. 

Several stolen glances later, Seulgi convinced herself that something was up. She decided to talk to Joohyun. And her guest.

Plus, maybe she was over-thinking things. Maybe they weren’t together. Sure, the girl was clingy and they had their arms around each other for most of the night. But lots of girls did that platonically. 

She just wanted to talk. She could meet the girl and find out how awful she was and maybe Joohyun would be reminded that Seulgi was probably the best person for her. And she’d get a second chance.

Or not. 

Whatever. 

Seulgi made her way to Joohyun and her date. They were standing together, with Joohyun’s arms wrapped around her waist and her head on the girl’s shoulder. Seulgi tried not to let it get to her when she saw how content the both of them looked.

“Hi, Joohyun,” she tentatively greeted.

Joohyun startled - she didn’t seem to notice Seulgi nor did she seem to expect her to approach. 

“Seulgi. Hi!” Joohyun unwrapped her arms from her date. “Jennie, this is Seulgi - she’s the chef where Wendy and Sooyoung work. Seulgi, this is Jennie. She’s my...girlfriend.”

Joohyun smiled shyly at Jennie, who grinned back in return. They looked adorable and happy.

_Oh_. She was totally mistaken and _very much_ misread the situation. Seulgi wanted to throw up. Or run away. Maybe both. This was a terrible idea - Seulgi was wrong and she shouldn’t have come over. What was she thinking?!

Of course though, she did not let them know that she was freaking out inside. She stood tall, plastered a friendly smile on her face, and prayed that she could make it through this conversation.

“You’re _the_ chef? Joohyun used to talk about you and your restaurant all the time!” Jennie excitedly greeted her, a little New Zealand accent slipping through her Korean. Seulgi had to begrudgingly admit that she was beautiful and charming. Seulgi could understand why someone would be attracted to her. 

She hated her. 

“Why haven’t you taken me there yet?” Jennie asked, pouting cutely. She was clearly oblivious to Joohyun’s history with Seulgi. 

_Interesting. _

“I’ll take you there soon, baby.”

Seulgi couldn’t help but frown at the term of endearment. 

“You’ve been busy, I know. Did you know that, Chef? Joohyun has a fancy new job - she has her own office and everything!”

Joohyun blushed. “You keep bragging about me to people.”

“Because I’m proud of you,” Jennie said, hugging Joohyun against her side. “You’re amazing. Isn’t she amazing?”

“She’s amazing,” she said, with all sincerity. 

Her eyes locked with Joohyun, but she looked away quickly when Jennie gave the latter’s cheek a gleeful kiss. She couldn’t stand watching the affection between the two women anymore, so she made up an excuse to leave the conversation and went straight to the bathroom. 

She locked the door and braced her hands on the sink, staring at her reflection. 

Okay. That went as well as it could have gone, really. Sure, Jennie had a really confused face when she left all of a sudden, and Joohyun looked like she wanted to say a million things.

But Seulgi didn’t freak out, so she was a winner, right?!

She sighed and shook her head. 

She did this to herself. That could’ve been her with Joohyun on her arm, but she ruined it.

She was such an idiot. 

But she couldn’t stop herself from wanting her. She felt drawn to her, even though it had been ages since she last saw her. She told herself that if she had the opportunity to talk to Joohyun again, she would not do anything that could make things worse. And even though she had weeks to talk herself out of it, she still felt the need to try to get Joohyun to hear her out. She needed Joohyun to understand how sorry she felt, and she needed to make things right. She needed to do everything she could to get them back to the place they were, girlfriend be damned!

But that was exactly the thing. She knew she shouldn’t. 

Joohyun seemed happy. She didn’t want to hurt Joohyun any more than she already had.

She closed her eyes and counted to ten, forcing herself to calm down and try to forget Joohyun’s beaming smile whenJennie kissed her. 

When she felt more composed, she left the bathroom and went straight to Sooyoung and Wendy’s kitchen. The drinks were there. A bottle of soju might do her some good. 

She was soon roped into a drinking game with Wendy, Sooyoung, Yeri, and a few others. She had never played it before - she was sure Sooyoung made it up - it involved counting sheep and it was a little too complicated for her to keep up with.

She lost, so she took a shot. She lost again, and she took a shot once more.

Then she lost track of how many times she lost. But she knew she took many, many shots.

After a few rounds of defeat, Yeri kicked her out of the game (leading a chant of “No jam! No jam!” that followed her out the kitchen) and Seulgi stumbled back to the living room. 

Joohyun was alone; Jennie was nowhere to be found. She took this as her chance to win her back.

(When she thought back on this moment, her more sober brain wanted to strangle her for this.)

“Where’s your girlfriend?” she asked, trying to be casual about the question. 

Joohyun raised her eyebrows. “She had to leave; she has an early start tomorrow. She’s a veterinarian.”

“She works with animals? But you hate animals. You love food though and I work with food.”

Seulgi patted herself on the back for that observation. Ha! She got Joohyun there.

But for _some reason_ Joohyun didn’t think that was clever at all, because she just rolled her eyes. 

“You’ve had some drinks tonight.”

“A few. Sooyoung is too good at that sheep game. You know, the one where you go,” Seulgi demonstrated the gestures, complete with the _baa_ sound. “I lost too many times and had like...more than this many drinks.”

She held up five fingers. 

Joohyun - beautiful, beautiful Joohyun - looked a little humoured by Seulgi’s state, which she took as a good sign. 

“I haven’t seen you in a while,” Seulgi said. “Where have you been?”

“I’ve been cooking more at home. Spending time with Jennie.”

Right. _Her_.

“How’s that going?”

“Great.”

“Good.” 

She didn’t mean it, of course. She hated that someone else was getting _her_ smiles and _her _hugs and _her_ kisses. It wasn’t fair. 

Well, it was totally fair - Seulgi _did_ screw it all up. 

But Joohyun could have been hers. She should have been hers! Her Joohyunnie (no, just Joohyunnie, not _her_ Joohyunnie) was happy and it was because of Jennie when it should’ve been _her, _Chef Kang Seulgi, making her happy. Why wasn’t it her?! 

Seulgi wondered how long it took for Joohyun to get over her. Was Jennie the one who she turned to when she was sad? Did Joohyun even think about Seulgi anymore? Why didn’t Jennie know about her, even? Was Seulgi not even worth talking about?!

Everything would’ve been different if it wasn’t for her stupid past self and stupid Sunmi and everything else in the world that was stupid and unfair.

“Are you okay?” Joohyun asked, interrupting her thoughts. “Are you crying?”

She reached up and patted her cheeks. Sure enough, she was and she hadn’t even realized it. 

“No, I’m fine,” she lied, turning her face away and sloppily wiping away her tears. “I’m just going to get some air.”

Seulgi needed to sober up and get a hold of herself. Her emotions were out of control. 

She quickly walked to the apartment’s balcony and sat on the lounge chair she found there. Thankfully she was alone - the night air was brisk and their guests had stayed indoors. 

It was cold and she could see her breath, but it was fine. The alcohol coursing through her system kept her warm. 

She slouched and held her head in her hands, bracing her elbows on her knees. 

She didn’t even hear the screen door slide open, nor did she feel the presence next to her until Joohyun spoke. 

“Seulgi…” She was wrapped in her padded coat. “It’s cold out here, are you okay? Let’s go inside so you can warm up.”

Joohyun’s tone was gentle, like she was calming a wild animal. Like she was afraid of Seulgi. 

“Joohyun, I’m sorry,” Seulgi said, this time not bothering to hide her tears. She knew her voice was urgent and intense and it might’ve scared Joohyun, but she needed her to know. 

Joohyun flinched. 

“You’re drunk, Seulgi.”

“But that doesn’t mean that I’m not sorry. And it doesn’t mean that I haven’t missed you every day since...that day.”

“Stop it, Seulgi,” Joohyun said, quietly, almost half-heartedly. 

“Why doesn’t Jennie know about us?”

Joohyun’s eyebrows furrowed. She stared down at her own hands, mimicking Seulgi’s posture. She looked anywhere but her.

“There’s nothing to tell.”

“Seriously?”

“What? Like you said, it’s not like I was your girlfriend,” she bit back, echoing what Seulgi had said, all those weeks, no, months ago. 

Had it been that long?

“Look, I was an idiot. And I’m sorry. But I still want to be with you!”

“So? I’m with Jennie now,” Joohyun said impatiently. “Does it matter what I want?”

“It does! You want me too!” 

“Excuse me?” 

“I can tell! I know you miss me. I saw you looking at me. I know you miss me too,” Seulgi said, taking Joohyun’s hands. When she didn’t pull away, she continued. “I still have feelings for you, Joohyun. And I’m sorry I screwed everything up. I’m sorry I hurt you so bad, I’m sorry I did what I did. I’ve never felt as good as I’ve felt when I’m with you. You make me so happy. If you’re happy with Jennie and if she’s treating you right, then I’ll walk away, but if there’s a chance…”

Seulgi blamed the alcohol for her rambling but everything she said was sincere. She didn’t think she’d ever sounded more desperate in her life, but she wanted Joohyun to know. She needed her to know. 

Joohyun let go and stood up, so Seulgi followed. 

“Seulgi, you can’t just-”

Seulgi stepped forward and took Joohyun’s face between her hands. Joohyun sucked in a breath and Seulgi watched her eyes flicker down to her lips. 

“Leave her.”

“What?!” Joohyun blinked, as if not quite believing what Seulgi said.

“Leave her. Be with me. I can make you happy. Please, just...leave her.”

As if pulled from a trance, Joohyun pushed her away. 

“Seulgi - you’re drunk and I can’t deal with this right now. Leave me alone.”

“Joohyun, wait - I never...I never wanted to hurt you.”

“Yet you’re so good at it.” Joohyun went to return inside but then turned back. “You need to figure out who you are without relying on someone else to validate that for you. I don’t even know if you ever really liked me or if you just wanted to be l wanted. So please just...leave me alone. I can’t be around you because it still hurts, okay?”

Seulgi nodded, her tears flowing freely. 

“Okay. I’m sorry.”

“I know you are. Bye, Seulgi.”

The sliding door shut, separating Seulgi once again from her friends, her life, and Joohyun.

Seulgi sat alone and didn’t let herself go back inside until she was sure she was done crying. She focused on the chilly air instead, in an attempt to forget the conversation she just had.

The effects of the alcohol began to fade, leaving her cold and emotionally drained.

She snuck away from the party and didn’t bother to say goodbye to anyone, not wanting them to see her bloodshot eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

————

Joohyun was right. 

She’d been with Sunmi since she was 20, and so much of her adult life so far had been built around another person. The end of that relationship took her back to the beginning. When that ended, she felt like her life had reset. That was six years of her life, spent for nothing. In an attempt to find her place again, she tried to fill the emptiness with Joohyun.

Seulgi had gone from ending long-term relationship to trying to start another, without really knowing who she was in the process. 

So she decided to make some changes. 

What better way to discover who you were by discovering what you liked? Outside of cooking at her restaurant, Seulgi really didn’t do much. She turned her passion into her work, and while she loved it, it was still work.

She looked for something just for her. She tried a few things - she took up drawing classes, she joined a dance studio for a new way to exercise, she took swimming lessons, and she even found herself at a _weird_ bowling league event.

Through all of these new opportunities, she learned more about herself. Drawing and dance classes taught her that she was a perfectionist. Swimming lessons taught her that she definitely did not like deep water. And the bowling event taught her that she was afraid of bowlers (seriously, they were intense and it was scary). 

She also learned that she was talented at stuff. She was naturally good at drawing. She also had an ear for rhythm that made it easier for her to learn choreography. She was a very fast swimmer (because the quicker she swam, the sooner she could get out of the pool and not drown). She was a decent bowler (even though she never went back because, again, they were really scary). 

She also learned that she thrived when she received praise from other people, but was really hard on herself when she didn’t. This was quite difficult for her to work on, because although she wanted to be independent and strong-willed, in truth, she’d kick herself and over analyse the situation for hours if she ever did anything wrong.

Through all this self-discovery also made her realize that she had a lot of unresolved issues with Sunmi. She understood that she needed to work on these issues. Continuing to hold on to past pain and past mistakes wouldn’t do her any good.

So she reached out to Sunmi with an apology. For starters, she had so many regrets about how she treated her after their night together - she was insensitive and selfish. Even though Seulgi was scared and hurt, even though Sunmi had hurt her in the past, it wasn't good enough excuse for her to be insensitive and selfish.

But Seulgi couldn’t say as much. Not in a little card that she sent along with blue hyacinths (the florist said they represented ‘making peace’). So she signed it, along with a short note, and hoped that it would work as a proverbial olive branch.

(She never heard back from her though.)

She wanted to reach out to Joohyun as well, but she needed time. There was so much she wanted to say and do but she wanted to get it right - because everything she felt for Joohyun was real, and she owed her the sincere truth. Not words spoken in a desperate attempt to superficially feel better. 

After all she did to Joohyun, she had to stop pining. Joohyun’s own happiness was most important and if that doesn’t include her, then she would learn to accept that. 

Truly getting over Sunmi and Joohyun was taking time - but she knew it would be worth it. 

\----------------------------

Seulgi eventually found the _perfect_ new hobby. 

A customer was looking for a chef to take over a cooking class for kids from low income families in their community. They asked if she would be interested. 

She jumped at the opportunity. 

Every class was full of energy and fun, and even when the kids made mistakes, there was so much joy and laughter that it didn’t matter. It reminded her of why she loved her job and why she loved cooking for people. It went straight back to the heart of it - it reminded her of her grandmother. 

Cooking with her grandmother was a favourite memory of hers. The stories she would share while they’d make kimchi or japchae or anything were stories she cherished. And now, not only is she able to share these stories with ten kids - she also got to create new memories with them. These 7 to 9-year-olds had a lot of enthusiasm and very little patience. Just like Seulgi when she was younger.

Her students didn’t think of her as anything other than the lady who helped them, had fun with them, and taught them how to cook good food. They didn’t have any expectations of her nor preconceived ideas of who she was or who she should be. 

However, like everyone else in her life, they liked to tease her. What was it about her that left her open to such savagery?! 

“Chef Kang, do you have a boyfriend?,” one of her students, the youngest girl Gowon, asked. 

“I don’t,” she said. “Now everyone, take the dough we made earlier, and start tearing it into flat pieces like this.” She demonstrated with her _sujebi_ noodle dough. 

“Don’t be narrow minded, Gowon,” another student, Chenle, defended. “She could have a girlfriend!”

She grinned at the student - she knew he had an older brother who was gay, a regular at _Gomdori_, named Sicheng. 

“Thanks for being inclusive, Chenle. But I don’t have a girlfriend either.”

“You’d be a good girlfriend. You cook well!” another kid, Donghyuck, said. He was casually tossing chunks of dough into his soup, not quite knowing the finesse that was needed to make a good _sujebi_. 

“Make them smaller and flatter, Donghyuck, and place them gently so you don’t splatter the broth at yourself,” she advised, then followed up with, “Is being a good cook important when you’re in a relationship?”

Sometimes it was good to humour the kids.

“Yes!” Yeojin said. She was her keenest student by far, and by the looks of it, had an even better soup going than Seulgi did. “That’s what my mom said - food makes people love you. It’s why she loves dad, he makes good food.” 

“Then Chef Kang will be the best girlfriend ever!” Gowon confirmed. “We should find her someone!”

“Yeah, Chef Kang, we don’t want you to be alone anymore!”

“I have an older brother, he’s 15, is that too young?”

“Gross, that’s way too young! I have an older cousin - she’s 40 and single, do you want to meet her?”

“My uncle was telling me about Tinder, do you have Tinder?”

_Oh god_, actually, it was definitely wrong to humour them.

“No thank you, everyone,” she said, putting some authority in her voice. “Instead let’s focus on making your _sujebi_ okay?”

A drawn out ‘_Yes, Chef Kang’_ came from her students, and she was glad they were back on track.

After class, she quickly changed into her exercise clothes for dance lessons. She was still dancing; it was another fun outlet for her. She left the building to make the short walk to the studio.

She was texting Wendy, who had also been taking the same dance class (she was definitely in the Top 5 dancers at that studio, no joke), and had not been paying much attention, because she bumped into someone walking past on the street. Her phone, and the other person’s, dropped to the ground. 

“I’m so sorry-”

“-no, it’s my fault, I wasn’t paying attention.” Fortunately Seulgi’s phone screen wasn’t broken.

“Seulgi?” 

She looked up and saw Joohyun.

She’d thought that maybe her memory had failed her - Joohyun couldn’t have possibly been _that_ beautiful and breathtaking. But in fact, Seulgi’s memory _was _wrong: Joohyun was even more stunning than she remembered. 

Months ago it would’ve hurt to see her, but today? She was just happy. 

“Joohyun-_unnie_! Hi!” She smiled her big smile, the one where her eyes turned into crescents and her cheeks went all big. 

Joohyun grinned also - a little taken aback, but still happy. 

“It’s been a while.”

“Yeah. A few months. How have you been?”

“I’ve been good, thank you,” Joohyun answered. She was a little formal, but that was okay. Seulgi had forgotten how nice it was to be around her. “Work’s good and life’s good, too. How about you, Seulgi? How have you been?”

“I’ve been keeping busy. I just finished a class I teach - cooking with kids. And now I’m going to dance class. Then I have the dinner shift at the restaurant.” 

“Wow, you’ve really been busy!”

Seulgi shrugged. She was busy, yes, but it was a good busy. 

“I took what you said to heart, last time I saw you. I’m figuring myself out, trying new things. It’s been fun.” 

“That’s great.” 

Seulgi’s phone vibrated in her hand - it was from Wendy, who was asking where she was. 

“I have to go - dance class is starting soon. But I hope you come back to the restaurant. I’ll make you _tteokbokki_ and duck _bulgogi_ and you can make fun of Taeyong’s new hair colour with me,” she offered. Joohyun laughed. Then Seulgi added, “You should bring Jennie.”

“That would be great, Seulgi. I think you’d like her. She’s a really great girl.” 

“And she treats you well?”

“She does.”

“I’m glad. You deserve great things.” 

“Thank you. Bye...” 

“Bye, _unnie_. Don’t be a stranger.”

\---

After that accidental encounter with Joohyun, Seulgi decided to be a grown up and finally talk to Sunmi, face-to-face. As much as she blamed Sunmi for the past, Seulgi still had things she need to atone for. 

The flowers she sent didn’t work - she knew Sunmi well enough to know that if they did, she would’ve received a response - so she tried the next best thing.

She swallowed her pride and called her. It went to her voicemail, so she left a message and explained that she wanted to meet. But her phone calls went unanswered. She texted her - but also to no avail. 

So finally, she went to her apartment - like a creepy stalker. (She was aware of how desperate she looked.)

But it worked. When Seulgi buzzed her apartment and asked if she wanted to go to a cafe with her - she half expected Sunmi to reject her. But she heard her sigh and say, “_Give me ten minutes and I’ll meet you downstairs.”_

Twenty minutes later (Sunmi was always fashionably late), they were walking to the cafe down the block. 

Sunmi looked well, from what Seulgi could see. She held herself with the same grace and dignity she always had - and despite her ex’s cold welcome, Seulgi still felt glad to see her. After all, Sunmi meant everything to her for so long. She might’ve broken her heart and hurt her in the process; but she also helped make her the woman she was today.

Sunmi led the charge, ordering a drink for herself then taking it to a table. Seulgi followed after placing her own order. 

Sunmi barely spared her a glance during their walk to the cafe up until now - not that Seulgi blamed her.

Silence settled between the two. Seulgi leaned back in her chair and tapped her fingers on the table; Sunmi fiddled with her coffee cup sleeve. It was such a change from how they used to be - so full of love and adoration for each other. Now they were almost strangers.

“I was hoping you would actually listen to me when I told you to never contact me again, but I underestimated how persistent you were.” Sunmi said, still staring down at her coffee cup. “I genuinely hoped I would never see you again.”

“That was straightforward of you.”

“Well, last time we saw each other was a disaster. And I really don’t have it in me to deal with all that again,” she said, honestly. 

Despite feeling a little burned, Seulgi had to admire her candor. Fair enough; Sunmi was right.

“That’s actually why I came to you today; I wanted to apologize to you.” 

Sunmi glared. 

“I’m not interested if you’re just here to clear your conscience or worse, make me feel bad for what I did to you. I know what I did was wrong. I’ve been torturing myself about it for so long. My therapist-“

“-you’ve been going to therapy?”

Sunmi ignored her. 

“My therapist said I should give you a chance, if you ever reached out. She thinks it’ll be healing. But the second this gets to be too much for me, I’m leaving, okay?”

“Okay.”

“You’re not the only one who was hurting after we broke up. I know it was my fault but-“

“-That’s the thing, Sunmi. You shouldn’t blame yourself for all of it,” Seulgi interrupted. She took a breath and tried to convey everything she felt, as honestly as she could. “First though, I need to apologize. I led you on last time we saw each other and that was horrible for me to do. And then after...I didn’t deal with it as well as I should have. I was mean; I didn’t care about how you felt. I regret that.”

Sunmi pensively nodded. “Thank you for saying that.”

“Second - I blamed you for everything and it wasn’t fair of me. If we were right for each other, you wouldn’t have cheated but also - I would’ve given you more of what you needed. I would’ve been better for you, too,” Seugi apologized. “Also - I depended on you too much. I built so much of who I was around you and that wasn’t healthy. It was bound to fall apart because of that.”

Sunmi raised her eyebrows, almost in shock. 

“Damn, Seul - are you going to therapy, too?” Sunmi said in an exhale, like she had been holding her breath to brace herself. There was a little quirk to her lip, a small smile that comforted Seulgi. 

She shook her head. “I probably should though.”

“You’re only partly right though - we were good for so long, but when we weren’t, I wasn’t brave enough to end it when we should have. I shouldn’t have cheated. I was a coward.”

“We can both accept some blame for how it all ended.”

“And everything after. I _did_ go to your place with a poorly thought-out plan to get you back,” Sunmi said, with a grimace. “But...it wasn’t meant to happen.”

“I think that’s been the hardest part of all of this,” Seulgi started, offering Sunmi a sad smile. “It’s been hard coming to the realization that we weren’t meant to be.”

“Yeah. Because when we were good, we were incredible.” 

Sunmi’s eyes filled with nostalgia. Seulgi was sure hers did too. Because it was true - what they had, even though it fell apart, was filled with moments of true and genuine love. 

“We were,” Seulgi agreed.

“But that wasn’t enough,” Sunmi concluded. “And that’s okay. It’s okay for us to move on.”

“Right. And I want to thank you, Sunmi,” Seulgi said, feeling a weight being lifted off her shoulders. “I don’t know if I would’ve pushed myself the way I did or achieved half of my goals without you. Being with you taught me a lot about myself.” 

Sunmi smiled - it was small and shy but Seulgi could tell that she was touched. 

“Likewise, Seulgi. I learned a lot from you too. It’s probably why this has been so hard; it’s not easy living our lives apart after six years.”

“Yeah.” 

“And even if we aren’t together anymore, I still want you to be happy.”

“Likewise.”

“Are you happy?”

“I’m trying. Are you?”

“Same; I’m getting there,” she said, hopefully.

They quietly drank - Sunmi her black coffee and Seulgi her strawberry latte - when Sunmi finally broke the silence. 

“I’m really curious - and I know this isn’t my business but whatever, I’m dying to know - what happened with you and Irene?”

“Oh...well...” Seulgi laughed, humourlessly. “After she saw us… I screwed it up."

Sunmi grimaced.

“I’m sorry; I probably didn’t help.” What surprised Seulgi was that Sunmi looked genuinely apologetic. “There’s plenty of fish in the sea though, right?”

“Maybe,” Seulgi shrugged. “But I just want the one fish… The analogy kind of falls apart there, hey?”

Sunmi laughed - and it was full and real and Seulgi was glad to be able to make her laugh again.

They made polite small talk for a few minutes, catching each other up on little inconsequential things. It was funny how once upon a time, Seulgi would’ve poured her heart and soul out for this woman. But now she barely had anything she wanted to share with her. 

And it was okay. Seulgi was glad they were in a good place. She was glad to have known her. 

But now she could really move forward with her life. 

\---

On the rare occasions that Seulgi went out, she tended to keep to herself. She was usually with Wendy, Sooyoung, and Yeri though, whose personalities always made up for her introversion. Those three always came alive when they were together, leaving Seulgi to sit back and observe their antics.

But in an effort to try new things - to try to find someone new - she went out a few times on her own.

Joohyun had someone, and Sunmi seemed to have put the past behind her; maybe it was time for her to do the same.

But it didn’t feel right. 

First of all, it was probably a mistake to go to bars and clubs. She felt out of sorts and lacked confidence. When women came up to her and tried to start conversations, she was too shy and awkward. When women tried for more, she would get flustered and embarrassed. 

Then she tried online, which was a lot less stressful. She met a handful of nice women but didn’t feel anything romantic or even physical for them.

Like Joohyun before, she became pretty well-versed in first dates that went nowhere. Her first dates didn’t progress behind polite handshakes and the occasional hug. Seulgi couldn’t even _imagine_ kissing another woman, much less doing anything _else_. 

She tried, she really did. She wanted to meet someone new. She wanted more. She missed being close to another woman. She missed the connection, the passion, the pleasure - _everything_. But she realized that she couldn’t force what she didn’t feel.

Ultimately, she decided to stop trying to date. Instead, she decided to continue bettering herself and do her own thing. She realized that moving on from Joohyun and Sunmi didn’t necessarily mean trying to replace them. If she learned anything from Joohyun, and even Sunmi, it was that she needed to take care of herself, too. Then, one day, when she was truly ready, she could try again.

If Seulgi was at her best, then she’d be even better for the person she would love next. 

\---

“_Unnie_, uh, if you wanted to stay in the office and take a break for the next 45 minutes or so, you should,” Yeri said, poking her head through the kitchen cut-out window that looked out on the dining room. “Just don’t look out here.” 

So naturally everyone, including Seulgi, looked at what Yeri was talking about.

“Oh, Joohyun-_unnie_ is back! And whoa, pretty girl,” Yves said next to Seulgi. Next to _her, _Jiwoo smacked her shoulder. “Uh, I mean…”

Seulgi smiled. Joohyun noticed her and gave her a wave, which she returned. 

“It’s fine guys; I’m just going to go out and say hello, then I’ll be back.” 

“Are you sure?” Taeyong asked. “I can take over if you want a break…”

“I’ll be fine. Thanks though, guys,” she said, sincerely. “But really - get back to work everyone.”

The crowd that had gathered - all of whom were concerned that there would be a replay of Seulgi from a few months ago - dispersed back to their duties. 

Except for Yeri, of course, who slid up next to her.

“Are you okay, _unnie_? Want me to spill something on her?”

Seulgi rolled her eyes. 

“I’ll be fine. I’ll come by while you take their order.”

Yeri left to tend to her customers and Seulgi went to the back.

She needed to take a few calming breaths...and take off her messy apron, she wanted to look respectable for the woman she had feelings for and the woman _she_ ended up with.

She laughed to herself - it was a ridiculous situation. She didn’t know if she could ever be on good terms with Joohyun but she had to try. First step meant she had to be supportive.

And it helped when she approached the table, Joohyun’s eyes shone so brightly that it reminded her that yes - in Joohyun’s life, however Joohyun wanted her there, was where she was supposed to be. 

Another thing that helped was how genuinely loving Jennie was towards Joohyun. While it stung at first, Seulgi was at ease knowing that she was being loved the way she deserved. She couldn’t deny the way Jennie looked at her. She knew it was real, because it looked exactly how Seulgi looked at her. 

Back in the kitchen, Seulgi busied herself cooking - working in perfect unity with Taeil, Taeyong, and Yves. They were so efficient that she even had time to make a few little dessert dishes just for fun (and she most definitely did not have a petite brunette in mind to give them to...).

She was just finishing up wrapping the _chapssaltteok_ when she felt a tap on her shoulder. 

She turned and couldn’t keep the goofy grin off her face.

“What are you doing back here?” Seulgi asked Joohyun, whose smile matched hers. 

“Well, Yeri and Wendy are both talking to Jennie in English and I was just sitting there. So I thought I’d bother you, for old times’ sake.”

“Let the record state that Bae Joohyun knew all along that she was always such a bother,” she joked. Joohyun stuck her tongue out. “Come back to my office, we can catch up?”

“Sure.”

Seulgi grabbed the _chapssaltteok _and brought it with her as she led Joohyun to the back room and flicked on the lights. The room, which she always thought was a nice, spacious size, felt smaller with Joohyun in it - but she didn’t mind. If it was a football stadium or a tiny elevator, just being around Joohyun was good enough for Seulgi. Especially after so long apart.

“How was the food tonight, _unnie_?”

“Great, as usual. Thank you again for inviting us. I always loved coming here but I didn’t know if I was welcome…”

“You are always welcome. I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”

“It’s fine. Water under the bridge, right? We’re both in different places now.”

“We are.”

“I’m glad you’re doing well,” Joohyun said, sincerely. “You look good. Happy.”

Seulgi smiled, small. “I am. Well, I’m happier than I have been in a while. And I’m glad you’re happy too.”

“Thank you, Seulgi.”

“Now, let’s just address the elephant in the room,” Seulgi began, with a glint in her eyes. “Taeyong’s hair.”

Joohyun’s face went from awkward to concerned to laughing in a split second and Seulgi couldn’t help but join her. 

A knock on the door - thankfully from Wendy and _not_ from Taeyong - interrupted them. 

“Hey _unnie_ \- Jennie was looking for you, she said you had movie tickets and you needed to go?”

Joohyun looked down at her watch and yelped. 

“_Omo_, I didn’t even notice the time. Can you tell her I’ll be right out?” Seulgi gave her a curious look, and Joohyun continued. “I just want to talk to you about one little thing.”

Wendy nodded and closed the door behind her.

“Joohyun-_unnie_?”

Joohyun sighed then said. “I just wanted to say - for my part, I’m sorry.”

Seulgi furrowed her eyebrows. “You did nothing wrong.”

“Seulgi-ya,” Joohyun began, her little nickname for Seulgi making the Chef’s heart skip a little, “I’ve thought about this a lot and I realized that I was hard on you. We were both trying to push for something that neither of us was ready for, and it didn’t do either of us any good.”

Seulgi never thought of it from Joohyun’s perspective. This entire time her focus was on how wrong she was - not Joohyun’s role in it. 

“I guess we both made some mistakes.” 

“But it was probably for the best,” Joohyun said.

And as much as Seulgi didn’t want to admit it, she agreed. 

“Probably. Like you said, I wasn’t ready,” she said. Then, in true Seulgi fashion, she joked, “And you would’ve bankrupted _Gomdori_ with all the food you’ve gotten for free.”

Joohyun rolled her eyes but still smiled. 

“Actually...Yeri told me that you’ve personally paid for it all.”

“What?” 

It was true. Every time Joohyun would come and eat, Seulgi would insist that her meal was on the house. What she didn’t tell Joohyun was that she’d always make sure to pay for her order under her own tab. She thought she’d done it subtly, letting Joohyun believe that it was just for free. 

She didn’t know that anyone else knew. But of course she should've known Yeri would know - she somehow knew everything. 

“Seulgi, you’ve always been so generous with me. You really didn’t need to be paying for me this whole time...”

She sighed. She was caught; she guessed now was not the time to deny it. 

“I...wanted to keep seeing you.” Seulgi shrugged. “Even when I just saw you as a friend. So I let you have all the food so you would come more. But I didn’t want everyone else to miss out on the money and tips so...I took care of it.”

“Seulgi…”

“It’s not a big deal,” she argued. “It’s for _you_. I liked doing things for you. I still like doing things for you, even though I haven’t had the opportunity to do them lately. But you’re _you; _any time I get to do something nice for you, I’ll do it.”

Joohyun’s face - again, so expressive, which was one of her many charms - changed, almost imperceptibly. But Seulgi was almost an expert in all things Joohyun and she could see how touched she was. She was also humoured and annoyed and something else that she’d never seen on Joohyun’s expression. It was familiar but...different.

Whatever it was, Seulgi’s heart gave a little squeeze in her chest. 

“I take back what I said before,” Joohyun said quietly, her eyes glistening a little. Now her face looked sad - regretful, even. “I think we would’ve made it work. I think you care so much about other people that you would’ve put the effort in for us. It would’ve been hard but...we would’ve made it work.”

Now it was time for Seulgi to be sad. 

“Damn me for being such an idiot.”

Joohyun smiled sadly.

“I should go.”

“Wait, before you go - as usual, I have a treat for you.” Seulgi handed her the packaged _chapssaltteok _which, as she was making it, she knew was going to go to Joohyun.

Everything that she ever did would always go back to Joohyun. 

“I’ll see you around?” Seulgi asked, hoping to not sound needy in her inflection.

Joohyun gave her a hug in response, catching her off guard. 

“I hope so.”

That night, Seulgi left work feeling better than she had in weeks. 

\-------------------

Seulgi loved spending time with her immediate family. Her parents and brother were unconditionally loving and they were so supportive of everything Seulgi did.

But generally, she tried to keep her business separate from her home life. Because of days like today. 

When her mother said she would stop by the restaurant to drop off a gift for Seulgi (her parents went to the Philippines for a week), the chef thought nothing of it. She was happy to see her mother again, catch up on her vacation, and then go on her merry way.

What she didn’t expect was her mother taking an apron and taking over Yerin’s cooking station while the cook was on break, and then transitioning to helping Sooyoung take orders. 

It was kind of a nightmare. 

Fortunately, everyone seemed to think her mother was funny and cute. Unfortunately for Seulgi, a lot of the humour came at Seulgi’s expense - not that she was being mean or cruel. She was just being a _mom_. 

She was so proud and felt the need to share her feelings with everyone. Seulgi’s face remained permanently flushed red; she was concerned that perhaps the blood in her body wasn’t circulating correctly because it had flooded her cheeks. And the embarrassment heightened whenever a new customer would come in and her mom would greet, in a boastful voice: “Welcome to my daughter’s restaurant!”

The first time was cute. The fourth time was too much. 

It was now going on eight loud, exuberant greetings.

And this time was probably the worst, because she looked up and saw Joohyun grinning back at her mother. 

Seulgi threw off her apron when she saw Joohyun giggle behind her hand (she was SO cute - now was _not_ the time, Seulgi!) at whatever her mother was saying. She quickly made her way to the front of the room. 

“_Omo_, _umma_, what are you doing?”

“I’m telling this nice lady about you, my beautiful chef daughter. I’m also offering her a menu and giving her some suggestions.” 

She gave her a look that basically said ‘_duh’. _

“Well thanks _umma_, but let’s let her pick her meal and go on her way.”

“Why? I can’t brag to your customers about you? My beautiful daughter who is the chef of this fine establishment? If I can’t brag about you, then what _can _I do, as your mother?”

“_Ummaaaa_,” she whined, already blushing. “Joohyun-_unnie_ already knows I own this place.”

“Joohyun! What a beautiful name,” Seulgi’s mom complimented. Joohyun bowed and thanked her; Seulgi cringed. “So you eat here often?”

Joohyun hid her giggle behind her hand.

“I do.”

“Have you had the _dububuchim-yangnyeomjang_? That’s my own personal recipe. Seulgi used to always ask for it when she was younger, I had to stop making it because she got a little chubby from eating it so much. My cute little bear!”

“Yah! _Umma_! Please!”

Seulgi’s cries went unheard. 

“You know what? I’ll order that today. And two _bibimbap_ to go.” 

“To go? My dear, why don’t you stay?”

“I’m meeting my girlfriend…” Joohyun explained. 

“Oh, you have a girlfriend? I hope she treats you well!”

Something that was really lovely about Seulgi’s mother was how at ease she made people feel. She didn’t even bat an eyelash when Joohyun said ‘girlfriend’, and she could already tell that it made Joohyun feel comfortable. 

In fact, it even made her blush a little - which, despite what they were talking about, made Seulgi swoon a little.

Joohyun was too cute sometimes. 

“She’s very sweet.”

“Oh good; a beautiful girl like you deserves someone nice! My daughter here, she also beautiful but she’s single. I often wonder why. She was always shy, maybe that’s it. When she was younger she’d tell me if boys would confess to her and I always wondered if she rejected them because she was shy or maybe she was just oblivious. Then I realized she didn’t like boys at all,” she said, the two of them sharing a laugh together (while Seulgi frowned). “But she never tells me anything if girls confess to her - do you know?”

Seulgi looked up at the ceiling with her hands clasped together. “I don’t believe in God, but if there is one, can she strike me down right now?” 

She pouted when no lightning came. 

Fortunately, Joohyun just laughed. 

“I’m sure lots of girls catch feelings for her but shy and oblivious makes sense for Seulgi.”

Seulgi had enough; she stood between the two women, hoping that her imposing frame would separate them. It didn’t. 

“Okay, that’s enough, both of you. I’m just going to get started on your order; mom, do you want to come with me?”

“No, I’ll talk to Joohyun. I want to hear what your customers think!”

“About my personal life or my restaurant?”

“Don’t you have some food to go make?” Joohyun asked, taking Seulgi’s mom’s arm and leading her to her usual table. 

“Ugh, everyone’s out to get me…”

Seulgi left them alone and went to cook - not without keeping a close eye on her mother. Every so often she’d see Joohyun laugh - _hard - _at whatever her _umma_ had said. The chef was certain it was something embarrassing.

It was highly disconcerting to see Joohyun and her mother chatting like old friends.

By the time the order was complete, Yeri had arrived for her shift. That meant it was safe for Seulgi to come out and bring Joohyun her food, as all of her _umma’s_ attention was on fussing over the young server.

Seulgi sneakily took Joohyun’s arm and pulled her away from her mother and Yeri, bringing her to the front door. 

“Please stop manhandling me, Seulgi,” Joohyun playfully demanded. 

“I’m _barely_ touching you.” Seulgi quickly let go of her arm and handed her the wrapped bag of food. “I threw in _kimbap_; it’s probably too much food for tonight but you can have it tomorrow for lunch.”

“Thanks, Chef. That’s thoughtful of you.”

“It’s the least I can do; I’m sorry my _umma_ is out of control.”

“What? No, she’s cute. She’s so proud of you.” 

“I’m just glad I don’t have any baby photos here, I feel like she was a step away from taking them out.”

Joohyun grinned even wider. “Actually, she had some on her phone…”

“Ugh! Really?!?”

“You were adorable, don’t worry. You were all cheeks! Like now!”

“It’s my cheekbones; they’re just high!” Seulgi said, patting her cheeks self-consciously.“I can’t help it! I just have full cheeks....”

“Hey, enough of that,” Joohyun said, pulling her hands from her face and holding them in her own. “It’s not a bad thing!” 

She pouted. “I’m just a little self-conscious, because I’ve always thought they were too big-”

“They’re not ‘too big’. They’re _lovely_,” Joohyun interrupted. “You have beautiful features; your cheeks included.”

Seulgi blushed. “Thank you.”

Joohyun’s stare softened and she gave Seulgi’s hands, which were still held in her own, a squeeze. Seulgi revelled in the affection.

But it seemed that both of them realized what was happening at the same time - Seulgi stiffened and Joohyun shyly pulled her hands away, her cheeks turning rosy. 

“I should go...” 

“Yeah. Jennie must be waiting for you.”

“Oh right!” Her eyes widened, suddenly flustered. “Jennie! Okay, I definitely have to go. Talk soon, okay?”

“Sure.”

“Bye, Seulgi-ya.” The nickname still made Seulgi grin.

“See you later, Joohyunnie,” Seulgi replied, with a wave. 

She watched Joohyun as she left the restaurant and didn’t even notice her mother slide up next to her until she put her arm around her. 

“You have a crush on her, I can tell,” her _umma_ said, not even bothering to confirm. “She’s lovely.”

“_Umma_! You scared me!” Seulgi registered the question. “She’s a customer; a friend. Nothing more.” Her mom answered with the _mom look_ \- the one that made Seulgi squirm and feel like a 7-year-old who was just caught taking more cookies than she was allowed. Seulgi sighed. “Fine. I did… I do. But it didn’t work out and now she’s seeing someone else.”

“That might be true but she really does seem fond of you.”

“So? She’s just an affectionate person,” Seulgi justified. “She has a girlfriend.”

“That’s true. And you’re a good person who would never do anything to jeopardize another couple’s relationship. You’re too selfless and sweet to do something like that. And she doesn’t seem like someone who would do that either.” 

“Exactly. And it doesn’t matter anyway. That ship has sailed, _umma_.” 

“Just take care of your heart, okay?”

“I will.”

“It it’s meant to happen, it will. And I’m not a fortune teller but I saw how she looks at you. It reminds me of how your father looks at me.” 

She ruffled Seulgi’s hair, before turning her attention to Wendy, who just entered, leaving Seulgi alone with her thoughts.

\---

Slowly, their friendship returned to the way it was before. 

They eased into each other’s lives, starting with minor interactions on each other’s social media posts.

A smiley face here. A ‘Like’ there. A couple retweets on Twitter and a few double-taps on Instagram. That led to sharing posts by DM. Joohyun sent Seulgi a few wild bear videos (_‘This bear broke into a house and started playing piano - is this a relative of yours?’)_. In turn, Seulgi tagged her on a tweet about the _Dumbo_ movie trailer (_‘UNNIE! I didn’t know you had a movie coming out!’)._

Then came the text conversations. Joohyun would text her if she had a cooking question. Seulgi would text if she had leftovers for her at _Gomdori. _That led to silly conversations about nothing. 

Those led to phone calls. At first, it was because their text conversations would go on for so long that it was just easier to out-snark each other out loud than by keyboard. Then it just became second nature to just call each other up during free moments.

Soon they started hanging out again. 

They’d go shopping with Yeri, sing at the _noraebang_ with Wendy, or hang out with Sooyoung and her dog (or more accurately - Joohyun would hide behind Seulgi as Seulgi and Sooyoung played with Haetnim). 

Funnily enough, Jennie would rarely come with them. Seulgi didn’t want to speculate (for the sake of her heart, it wouldn’t be a good idea), but she found it peculiar that Joohyun would rarely bring her girlfriend along. 

Joohyun seemed to make up excuses for her - reasons why Jennie had to cancel last minute, or she would even admit that she forgot to invite her. Even the girls found it strange that she seemed to not want to spend time around her girlfriend.

And it gave Seulgi _a lot_ of conflicting emotions. 

Because honestly? She liked Jennie. From the little bit that they _did_ spend time together, Seulgi had to begrudgingly admit that Jennie was great. She was smart, funny, beautiful and easy to get along with. She was a good match for Joohyun. Since they were such a good match, Seulgi did what she could to avoid spending time alone with Joohyun. 

Seulgi didn’t want to put herself in a bad situation. 

The worst that could happen would be that Seulgi’s lingering feelings would be too much and she’d act on them. Two possibilities would come from that: Joohyun would turn her down and their friendship would be ruined or even worse: she would reciprocate her feelings. 

Having being cheated on, she never wanted to be involved in anything like that. So she took Joohyun the only way she could have her - through her little interactions and chats. 

Seulgi resigned herself to always having feelings for Joohyun. It came in waves - sometimes her feelings for her would weigh so heavily on her heart that it left her breathless. Sometimes it was just a little crush that would make her smile to herself. But she could live with it.

The way she saw it, she could torture herself about Joohyun. She could pine, alienate Joohyun and her friends - and fall into _The Place_, as Yeri dubbed it. _The Place _was where Seulgi transformed into Sadness and only listened to sad, depressing songs (again, Yeri’s description). 

Or, more productively, she could just accept the fact that her feelings may never be reciprocated, and just love Joohyun from afar. This way she could still be in Joohyun’s life, which was better than nothing. 

Like her mom said - if it was meant to happen, it would happen. 

But she still made steps to protect herself from getting hurt - which is why she kept a wall up around her. 

It wasn’t until about the fourth time of turning Joohyun down for coffee, when she ran out of excuses to hang out alone, and she _finally_ joined her. 

But so far, it had been fine. Neither of them were big coffee drinkers, so Joohyun ordered them both strawberry lattes. They sat in the basement of the cafe and caught up.

This time instead of talking about completely harmless things - like bear videos and _Dumbo_ \- they jumped right into the big things. 

“So I have a new job. Well, not new for me - it’s been a few months.”

“Right! I’ve been meaning to ask you about that. Jennie mentioned it at Sooyoung and Wendy’s party…”

Right. When Seulgi had her minor meltdown. Yikes. 

Fortunately, Joohyun skipped over that. She described her new job - she was working at a charity and was much more passionate about what she was doing before.

“And I have an assistant. She’s great, she’s super keen to learn and she’s great to work with. Hopefully I’m treating her well! At least I’m not hooking up with random-” Joohyun stopped herself then cringed. “Oh god, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine.” And it really was. “It’s been so long - I’ve moved on. It still sucks that it happened, but life goes on.”

“Wow, Seul. That’s great; I’m glad you’re in a good place about it. So how has that been?” Joohyun pensively asked. “Have you seen her?”

“I saw her a while ago - we met up and talked. Just talked,” Seulgi awkwardly added. Joohyun grimaced a little, which probably mimicked Seulgi’s own reaction. But she went on, “I _finally_ got closure. I think we were both looking for it.” 

“How do you feel?”

“Better, honestly. I think the last time I tried, I was rushing myself to get better and...well, I screwed that up. But this time, both of us had some time to really think about everything and it was good.”

“I’m glad.” 

“Yeah.”

They stared at each other for a beat too long, because soon both of them were looking down at their drinks, blushing. 

“Is this weird? Us talking about this stuff?” Joohyun asked, quirking an eyebrow up, shyly meeting Seulgi’s gaze. 

Seulgi laughed. 

“Probably. But I want us to be proper friends again and this is the kind of stuff friends talk about. Unless you’re Park Sooyoung, then you talk about this stuff and _worse,_ in graphic detail. I’ll never be able to look at Wendy in the eye again…” Seulgi shuddered.

Joohyun cringed. “She is the queen of TMI.”

“We’re not vulgar like she is, so we’ll be fine,” she agreed. 

Another awkward beat of silence. 

Seulgi watched a child ride her bike past them outside. The barista came by to wipe down the table next to them. Joohyun tapped her fingers along to the music playing on the table. 

The silence was awkward - and strange, considering how easy their friendship had been in the past - but Seulgi wanted to persevere. 

Because when Seulgi needed her, Joohyun was a great friend to her. The least Seulgi could do was return the favour and be a good friend. So she asked the question that she knew friends asked their friends, and she hated herself as soon as she did. 

“How have you and Jennie been?”

Joohyun’s eyes widened a little - she was also surprised Seulgi asked, it seemed - then she answered, quietly. 

“We’re good.”

“I’m glad it’s going well…”

“Yeah. She’s great,” Joohyun answered stiffly. She opened and closed her mouth a couple times, like she contemplated saying more but Seulgi realized she _really_ couldn’t bear to hear any details.

“Uh, you know _unnie? _That’s really all I need to hear,” she admitted.

Joohyun looked relieved. “Great. That’s all I want to say.”

“It’s still a little awkward, isn’t it…”

“It is. But we’ll be fine,” Joohyun said, confidently. “We always just worked. So we’ll figure out how to make this...friendship work again.”

Joohyun smiled at Seulgi, and it was so genuine and beautiful that Seulgi believed her.

They’d be fine.

Still, she couldn’t help but get a rib in on Joohyun. 

“I think the easiest way for us to get back on track is for you to buy me another drink to make up for all the free food I’ve given you.”

Joohyun balled up a napkin and threw it at her. 

\---

Seulgi’s ‘weekends’ happened on Sundays and Mondays. She usually never worked those days at _Gomdori_, so they were the days that she usually committed to running errands and doing her hobbies. Mondays in particular were her favourites, because they were one of the days she held her cooking class. 

(Today they made _gangjeong_, but she spent half the class dealing with the kids’ - and her own - sugar highs.)

She had some major plans for the rest of the evening: a hot date with her TV, featuring a bowl of ramyun and the latest episode of _King of the Masked Singer_. She was already in her pajamas - she was looking _so fine_ for her TV date - when her phone started to vibrate next to her.

The call was from her P.A. system connected to her apartment building. 

Weird. She wasn’t expecting any visitors. 

“Hello?” 

_“It’s me,”_ Joohyun’s voice came, fuzzy through the microphone._ “Can I come up?”_

“Uh, yeah.”

She buzzed her in and hung up.

When Joohyun arrived, Seulgi lost her breath. 

She was beautifully done up. Her dress, which was long and dark, make her legs look like they went on for miles. Her make-up accentuated her full lips and soulful, dark eyes. In her heels, she was taller than Seulgi, who was barefoot. She looked like a goddess; she was gorgeous.

But she also looked nervous and worried, which was totally unlike Joohyun.

“Are you okay, _unnie_?” Seulgi opened the door wider, letting her walk into her apartment. 

“Yeah. I’m fine.” Joohyun was obviously lying, as she fidgeted with her fingers. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

She shook her head. “...no. Physically, I’m fine. Emotionally? A little...not fine. But I don’t want to talk about it right now.” Joohyun sighed. “Can we just...watch TV or a movie or something? Just hang out, like old times?”

Seulgi was unsure; Joohyun didn’t seem like herself and it was disconcerting. She was always so confident and self-assured. 

But she figured it was better for Joohyun to be here with her, where she could keep an eye on her, than to turn her down and risk her leaving. 

“If you’re sure,” Seulgi said, cautiously. 

“I am. I just needed to not think and…” Joohyun stopped herself. “I remembered your stupid scary movies always got my mind off things.”

Seulgi could tell she wasn’t being completely honest, but she let it pass. 

Joohyun moved to her couch, but then seemed to remember her outfit. 

“Can I borrow something to wear? I...I feel overdressed.”

A few moments later the two were sitting on Seulgi’s couch, watching a terrifying Cowgirl Mermaid singing _Tears_ in complete (and awkward) silence. Seulgi was silent because she was trying to catch her breath - seeing Joohyun in one of her oversized t-shirts and shorts made her heart ache. 

Joohyun was silent. Short of saying “thank you” when Seulgi handed her clothes, she hadn’t said anything. 

In fact, she didn’t look like she was paying attention at all. Instead she was sitting with her legs crossed, snuggling with _Tokki-nim_, Seulgi’s secret stuffed cuddle friend that she may or may not have slept with every night since Sunmi left. Joohyun must’ve found him when she changed in Seulgi’s bedroom and she’d been holding him ever since.

She never thought she’d be jealous of a stuffed rabbit but here she was.

A few more minutes into the episode - while a Pirate Accountant was singing _Sorry, Sorry_ \- the silence finally got to her.

Seulgi understood that Joohyun was going through something, but it seriously worried her that she wasn’t reacting at all to the weird happenings on the television.

“_Unnie_, are you okay? Do you need anything?”

“I’m fine.”

Okay. Good. Joohyun spoke. Her voice didn’t waver or anything, which was good. 

Seulgi prodded again.

“Are you sure? You didn’t even react when they revealed the Wizard Dog to be Henry!”

“I’m sorry…” she said, quietly, bringing _Tokki-nim_ closer to her face. 

“Don’t apologize - you have nothing to be sorry for. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” Seulgi scratched the back of her head, not sure what to do. “You know you can talk to me, _unnie_.”

“Can I though?”

“You can.” 

Joohyun grabbed the remote and turned off the television, now the only light in the room coming from the floor lamp next to her. The soft lighting brought out the worry in Joohyun’s face even more, but somehow, to Seulgi, she still looked stunning. 

“What’s going on, _unnie_? What happened tonight?”

Joohyun’s eyes fluttered shut, for a beat, then slowly opened. Her deep, brown eyes stared right at Seulgi, who had never felt more exposed to someone before.

Like Joohyun could look right into her soul. 

“I know how you look at me, Seulgi-ya,” she said, quietly. It wasn’t said accusingly or angrily. If anything, it was a gentle comment, and Seulgi would’ve felt embarrassed and ashamed if she hadn’t said it with so much understanding and kindness. 

“I...I’m sorry,” she whispered. She knew there was no point in denying it. “I try to hide it. I know I’m just your friend, and I know you’re happy with Jennie--”

“--she wants to move in together,” Joohyun interrupted. 

“Oh.”

“She asked me earlier tonight. We were celebrating our six month anniversary and she had a key made for her place and I… I kind of freaked out.”

“Oh. _Unnie…_”

“I made an excuse to leave, I pretended I was coming down with something but I know she could see through it and I just...went home. But when I got home I couldn’t shut off my brain and… I just needed to get out and breathe some fresh air and then suddenly I was outside your building.” That explained why she showed up so abruptly. It also explained why she was dressed so nicely. “What if I thought I knew what I wanted but it turns out, it wasn’t what I wanted at all?”

A pathetic combination of hope and sadness overwhelmed Seulgi. Hope, that Joohyun left her girlfriend to be with her. Sadness, because had it already been six months? Seulgi’s heart twinged. 

She didn’t move, afraid of what would happen.

“I’m just overwhelmed by all the ‘what ifs’...” Joohyun sighed. “I don’t even know why I came here. I was panicking and I just…thought of you. You help me feel calm. You make me feel better.”

Seulgi shrugged. 

“I feel like that hasn’t historically been true,” she said, half-jokingly. 

“No, Seulgi-ya,” Joohyun said, finally taking _Tokki-nim_ out of her arms, placing him on the couch next to her. She moved forward, so their knees pressed together, and Seulgi felt a shot of electricity when their skin touched. “Even when we’ve been...out of sync… you’ve still helped me feel better. You’re..._Seulgi_. No one in the world makes me feel more at peace than you.”

Joohyun’s eyes shone. She spoke so sincerely and it seriously scared her. 

Seulgi shouldn’t have been feeling this - this longing for someone who wasn’t hers to long for. 

“You probably shouldn’t be saying things like that to someone who’s just a friend, _unnie_.” Seulgi whispered, fearing that if spoke any louder, she’d crack herself open and pour out all the feelings she’d been trying to keep down for so long. 

“Don’t call me _unnie_. Just...just call me Joohyun,” she answered, more force in her voice than there had been all night. She shook her head and continued - argued, even, “And we’ve never been friends, Seulgi. We were almost so many things. And I don’t know what we are now; but whatever it is, we’re not just friends.”

Why was Joohyun talking like this? She was saying so many things that Seulgi had wanted to hear, but it didn’t feel right. 

“Look. As your almost...something...listen to what you’re saying. Please. You’re upset. But don’t...don’t say things you’ll regret.”

“I’ve already had so many regrets, why stop now?” she said, with a humourless laugh. “Jennie’s great, you know? But she’s moving faster than I’m comfortable with and I don’t think I’ll ever be where she is.”

Seulgi chose her next words wisely. Her heart was pounding in her chest.

“I don’t think it’s fair if you’re with someone and you can’t reciprocate their feelings. I’ve been through it. I loved someone more than they could love me and when it all fell apart...well. You know what it did to me.” 

Seulgi knew that whatever she said next, Joohyun was looking at her like she held all the answers in the universe. She could take advantage of that… but it wasn’t the right thing to do.

So she swallowed her pride, all of her selfish feelings, and said, “But I think...if you can grow to love her then maybe you should...try.” 

“What?” 

“If you think you could have a future with Jennie then...don’t let her go. Make sure you’re not making a mistake.”

Joohyun looked surprised. 

“Did you make a mistake with me?”

Seulgi could’ve lied; she could’ve said that it was for the best, as she had before. But no. She couldn’t lie to Joohyun. Not anymore. 

“Yes.”

“Do you regret it?”

“Every fucking day.”

“Will you ever do anything about it?”

“No. Not...not if you’re with her.”

“Why?” Joohyun moved forward, somehow closer, and took Seulgi’s hands in her own. “Why, Seulgi?” 

Joohyun searched her face. She asked a question, but it felt more like a command. 

Seulgi noticed Joohyun’s gaze flickered down to her mouth a few times. She subconsciously licked her lips and saw Joohyun’s eyes follow the movement.

She could lean in. She could lean in and capture Joohyun’s lips and take what she’s wanted for months - take what she’s wanted her whole life, really.

She could give into temptation, lead Joohyun to her bedroom, and claim what was hers - what should’ve been hers all along - and pretend, for one perfect night that they were the only two women in the world. 

But everything she’d learned about herself, about relationships, about Joohyun in the last few months of soul-searching stopped her.

They deserved better. 

They both deserved a happy ending, but not at someone else’s expense.

She shifted and pulled away, putting distance - physical and metaphorical - between them.

She saw Joohyun’s shoulders slump in the corner of her eye. 

“I just want you to be happy, and if Jennie or anyone else makes you happy, who am I to stand in the way of that?” she asked, staring at her hands. “You have no idea how much I want you...but it wouldn’t be right. I don’t want to do something that I’ll regret; and I don’t want to put you in a position where you’d have any regrets. Not about me.”

“Seul…”

“The next time something happens with me and _anyone_ \- and god, I hope it’s you,” she said, honestly. “I want it to be the _right_ way.”

Tears fell from Joohyun’s eyes at Seulgi’s admission. 

“I’m sorry. I...I shouldn’t have...I’m not...I wouldn’t have…” 

Seulgi stopped her, gently putting her hand on her shoulder. 

“It’s okay.”

“Why do we keep doing this to each other?” Joohyun asked, her voice breaking a little. “We keep… circling around each other. You’re like the sun and I’m just a tiny planet, caught in your orbit, but I’ll never be close enough to you.”

“I don’t think that’s right. I think _you’re_ the sun. I was dark for me for so long, but then you came and...brought light and warmth. Without you, I was fine - I was functioning. But I learned that I needed the sun. So when you came back? Everything got better. I’m fine with just being near you; just to be around you is enough to bring light to my life again.”

“Seulgi…” 

“That’s why I think we’ll be okay. No matter what happens, Joohyun - we’ve always just worked. If we’re friends or if we’re more, we’ll keep making it work.” 

“How are you so wise?” she asked, wiping away her tears with the sleeves of her shirt. 

“It’s all in my name,” Seulgi said, with all seriousness, before a little smile came over her face. 

It had the desired result of breaking the tension - Joohyun smiled back then pushed her. 

“Dork.” She slouched back into the couch. Seulgi leaned back too, and turned her head to face her. 

“Really though - a beautiful girl inspired me to work on myself, to make sure I was in a good place before I put myself out there again. And I’ve been trying my best to do that for her.”

Joohyun smiled. “And for you too, I hope?”

“Definitely. She taught me to take care of myself, too.” 

“She seems great.”

“Honestly?” Seulgi asked. Her brain answered for her - ‘_I’m in love with her’_, but she stopped herself. “She’s the sun,” she said, instead. 

Joohyun grinned - but it turned into a yawn, which made her giggle. The combination of her yawn and laugh and little stretch made Seulgi fall a little more. 

“It’s getting late…” Seulgi said, stating the obvious. The clock read that it was close to midnight. “Can I walk you home?”

Joohyun shook her head. “Can I spend the night?”

“What?!”

“I’ll sleep on the couch, _pabo_. I just don’t want to go home right now,” she said, simply. 

“Okay.” 

They quietly got ready for bed - Seulgi brought out an extra blanket and pillow for Joohyun while the latter washed the day’s make-up off her face.

While she was getting her couch ready for Joohyun, Seulgi almost reached to take _Tokki-nim_ back - but no, Joohyun seemed like she needed him more. He was really good at his job as a cuddle specialist. 

When she walked out, Seulgi’s breath caught in her throat.

Joohyun’s face was bare. She looked a little weary from the evening’s events, but she still held the same commanding beauty that she always had. It was just a little more vulnerable and open in a way Seulgi had never seen before. 

All the vistas in the world couldn’t compare to the sight of Joohyun standing in her apartment in her clothes, smiling at her. 

“Sweet dreams, _unnie_,” she said, shyly gesturing to the pillow and blanket bed she set up on the couch. 

“Call me Joohyun, remember? Just Joohyun. _Please?_” 

Seulgi nodded. “Okay. Sweet dreams, Joohyun.”

It felt like a nice next step.

“Sweet dreams, Seulgi-ya.” 

\---

Seulgi woke up the next morning to an empty couch, _Tokki-nim_ gently placed on the folded sheets together witha note from Joohyun.

_“Thanks for listening. Thanks for everything.”_

She knew after last night, that absolutely nothing would happen until they were ready.

And Seulgi was okay with that.

She’d wait forever for her, because she knew that it wasn’t a matter of _if_ \- it was a matter of _when_. 

\--------------------

It would seem as though the possibility of _‘when’_ came a few weeks later. 

There had been radio silence from Joohyun since she saw her that night - and not just Seulgi. No one had heard from Joohyun. Short from a handful of cryptic Instagram posts of the sky, they would’ve thought she’d disappeared.

Ultimately, news of Joohyun came from three very intimidating women. 

Wendy, Sooyoung, and Yeri stormed her office, like a repeat from ages ago, when they pulled Seulgi out of her slump. Like scary Powerpuff Girls, they flanked Seulgi, making her jump away from her computer chair.

History dictated that whenever these three got together and looked at Seulgi like _that_, she was going to have a stern lecture. She braced herself. 

“What did I do?” she asked, kind of panicked. “I’m not depressed, I liked Yeri’s latest Instagram picture, I did _not_ eat any of the brownies Wendy made for Sooyoung. I have not done anything wrong!” 

The three girls laughed - it was honestly a little creepy - and began reassuring her at one.

“Nothing, _unnie_! Don’t worry!” “Of course you liked my picture, I’m a babe.” “Relax, Seulgi-ya, we’re not here to scold you!” 

...this was not making her feel better. 

She cautiously stood up, not wanting them standing over her anymore, and then asked, “then how can I help you three?” 

She wasn’t sure if she even wanted to know. 

They quickly glanced at each other - their silent communication was seriously jarring for poor Seulgi. Then Wendy gently put her hand on her shoulder, gently pushing Seulgi back down. When Seulgi tried to stand up again, she said, “You’ll want to sit down for this.” 

She cooperated. “Okay, what?”

“Have you spoken to Joohyun-_unnie_?” Yeri asked, with uncharacteristic restraint. 

“Like I told you guys yesterday, I haven’t heard from her in a while,” she said, a little bitterly. 

“_Wellllll_,” Sooyoung drew out, “Yeri and I ran into Jennie earlier today.”

“Oh?” 

“Joohyun broke up with her.” 

“What?” 

It’s like the floor gave in under her. She was glad she listened to the girls and stayed seated.

“Apparently they broke up a few weeks ago.”

...broke up? Joohyun-_unnie_…Joohyun was single? And she never told her?

“What happened?” 

“Jennie wasn’t really full of details - I think she’s still upset about it,” Yeri said, grimacing a little. “But she said Joohyun-_unnie_ didn’t feel the same way that she did and that she broke up with her. Came as a surprise to her.” 

Suddenly Seulgi’s heart was pounding. 

“We wanted to ask for details but three of her friends came by and pulled her away.” Sooyoung said.

“What are you going to do, Seul?” Wendy asked, putting a calming hand on Seulgi’s shoulder.

Seulgi looked up at her friends, who were all looking at her with different expressions.

Wendy wore a patient and supportive half-smile. Sooyoung’s smile was encouraging. Yeri looked expectant, like she was demanding immediate action.

But Seulgi had no idea what she was going to do. If anything. 

What did she want to do? She wanted to find Joohyun right now and make her _hers_. 

But if Joohyun wanted that, wouldn’t she have told her this herself? Especially after they last spoke? 

Seulgi scratched her head and sighed. She turned back to her computer. 

“Nothing,” she said, shrugging. “Why would I do anything?”

“Uh, I don’t know? Because you love her?” Sooyoung asked, sarcastically. Like before, she pulled Seulgi away from her computer, making the chef face all of them.

“Yeah! Confess to her like those people do in the cheesy romantic movies you love so much!” Yeri added. 

“I don’t want to just swoop in now that she’s single; I don’t even know if that’s what she would want.”

“Why? Swoop! Swoop,_ unnie_!” Sooyoung said. 

“Don’t live your life in fear!” Yeri shouted.

“Yeri, we’re talking about asking someone out, not bungee jumping.”

“For you, isn’t that kind of the same thing?”

“No - because if I bungee jumped and something went wrong, at least I’d die. If something happened with Joohyun and she wasn’t ready...I would ruin things forever and I think that would be worse.”

“Oh my god, you’re so dramatic and corny,” Yeri groaned.

Seulgi scoffed. “No I’m not.”

“Wendy, hold me back, I’m going to hit her if you don’t.”

Wendy physically pushed Yeri behind her.

“What Yeri is trying to express,” Wendy calmly interrupted, (“by threatening violence!” Yeri added, from behind her shoulder), “is that you are taking this _really_ seriously. And we get it - you’ve built up Joohyun-_unnie _to be this big, life-changing love that will save the world and have Taj Mahals built in her honour. And that might be the case - or it might not. And that’s okay, too.”

“But you’ll never know if it’s a Taj Mahal kind of love or a Yeri-fall-in-love-every-week kind of love,” Sooyoung continued (“Valid,” Yeri interjected, this time tiptoeing behind Sooyoung), “if you don’t try.”

Seulgi sighed.

“What should I do?” 

Yeri poked her head up, seemingly ready with a list of suggestions, but Seulgi stopped her. 

“If your suggestions are stripper-focused, I’m going to pass, Yeri.”

She pouted but nodded understandingly. 

“We don’t know what you should do,” Wendy said. “But whatever you end up doing, it’ll be exactly right.”

\----

Joohyun deserved the kind of love that people wrote songs about. The kind of love that inspired people to build monuments. The kind of love that was written about in history books. 

She deserved the best. 

And Seulgi would try her best to prove that she was the person to give it to her. 

She thought of how she could best confess to Joohyun and prove to her that she was sincere. She wanted to prove that she could love her, selflessly and without expectations. 

So she planned. She was going to do it right this time. 

And when she was done planning, she started. 

What did she do first? 

She cooked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is cross-posted from AFF. 
> 
> PLEASE DO NOT REPOST THIS/CONVERT THIS ANYWHERE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


	4. Chapter 4

When _Gomdori _first opened, it was… well, a huge mess. 

In its first few months, Seulgi considered shuttering the doors and giving up. 

Despite being a thriving business now, the restaurant initially floundered. She knew that opening a new restaurant would be difficult, but she never anticipated how hard it would be. She always thought that with hard work, a good education, and the culinary skills to back it up, it’d be a breeze from there on. 

She was very wrong. 

When the early days saw little-to-no profits, growing debt, and few customers, Seulgi was disheartened. All the hard work and preparation that she put in to ensure that _Gomdori _would be a viable business seemed like it was for nothing. 

And the seemingly inevitable collapse of her restaurant dreams took its toll on Seulgi, putting a strain on all of her relationships - with her parents, with her closest friends, with Sunmi. 

Before her _oehalmeoni_ passed away, Seulgi promised her that she would honour her by opening the restaurant. Her parents had a lot of hope that her grandmother’s legacy would live on through Seulgi. She couldn’t bear to tell them the truth of her struggles, not wanting to disappoint them. 

She went from constantly and excitedly updating them on the progress, to ignoring their calls and hoping they wouldn’t show up to see _Gomdori_ be a ghost town. 

She isolated herself from her friends - which was easy enough, with how she was occupied with her job. What wasn’t as easy was keeping all of this from her business partner and restaurant manager, Wendy. Seulgi planned all the logistical aspects of _Gomdori_ with her; both of them saw the restaurant as a culmination of their years of schooling and friendship. While they always got along well, the demands of the business and the lack of results caused them to argue more and more.

And her relationship with Sunmi didn’t fare much better. While her girlfriend tried to be encouraging, she still wasn’t very good at hiding her frustration whenever Seulgi would come to her with more stories of her days’ failures. Sunmi always pushed Seulgi for more; Sunmi had high expectations for her as a partner. But with her restaurant’s collapse, she didn’t know if their relationship could survive. 

She felt hopeless, like she couldn’t turn to anyone. But Seulgi couldn’t blame anyone but herself - her dream seemed like it was a huge, colossal mistake. 

Until one day, she met someone who changed her mind. 

It was a typical day at the restaurant. They were three months in, chugging along, hoping that their hard work with advertising would _finally_ pay off. 

It had just been Wendy and Seulgi working at the restaurant. They hadn’t yet seen the value in hiring someone full time, so they just had Sooyoung coming in part-time to help out. Wendy and Seulgi took turns staying in the kitchen and taking the few orders that came.

Towards the end of the day, Seulgi had sent Wendy home. There was no point in them both being bored out of their minds.

Seulgi was counting their drink stock; the number of bottles of soju never changed as they went unsold, but there was literally nothing else to do. While she counted, she also entertained herself by having fantasies of running away from her responsibilities and changing her identity.

She could run away to America, learn English, change her name, and live her life away from her friends and family. Or she could go to an even farther place like Slovenia and live at a winery and become one with the local cats. 

She would never have to see any disappointed faces when the restaurant inevitably closed down.

A great plan, right?

She was halfway through imagining what her getaway would look like (in her third fantasy, she gave it all up and became a successful Idol singer), when the bells of her front door alerted her to a new customer.

She was so excited she swung around quickly and nearly hit her head on a table while bowing. 

“_Annyeonghaseyo_, welcome to Gomdori!” she greeted. 

The customer - a small, cute (beautiful) woman - looked around the restaurant, confused. 

“Are you open?” she asked, noticing how empty it was. 

“Uh, yeah, absolutely!” Seulgi grabbed a menu and bowed again before handing it over. “Take a seat anywhere you like. We’re open.” 

The woman shook her head then her quiet demeanor changed in a second, making Seulgi feel a _little_ intimidated. 

“I already know what I want,” she said, handing the menu back. Seulgi felt herself shrink a little - she was a _little_ scary. “I saw on your menu outside that you have _tteokbokki_. I swear to God, I’ve been to every street vendor and restaurant in this city trying to find something even halfway comparable to the _tteokbokki_ back home and I’ve been sorely disappointed.”

There were probably hundreds - maybe even _thousands_ \- of options for _tteokbokki_ in Seoul, and Seulgi seriously doubted that the woman was telling the truth. But she wasn’t exactly going to say that, not when Seulgi already felt like she was 100 cm tall around this tiny but intimidating woman. 

“Where are you from?”

“Daegu.” 

That explained her _satoori_. That also explained her passion for _tteokbokki; _everyone knew about Daegu’s amazing _Jungang Tteokbokki_. 

“Is yours any good?” the woman asked, raising an eyebrow, already skeptical. 

“My _tteokbokki_? I like to think so,” Seulgi said, modestly. 

“That’s not giving me any confidence. You really don’t want to test me today, I had a bad day at my new job and I just need good food to heal me. Are you _sure_ it’s good and that it won’t disappoint me like everything else has in this city so far?”

Seulgi quickly nodded her head then squared her shoulders, wanting to appear confident around this woman.

Maybe it was the fact that she hadn’t had any customers come in for hours. Or the fact that she had a refrigerator stocked with food that had gone untouched. Or even that this woman looked like she _really _needed a win, just like how Seulgi needed one too. 

But whatever it was, she just felt like it was important for her to impress her.

“It’s good. It’s really good. I promise. I’m not a liar.”

The woman laughed - probably at Seulgi’s overeagerness - then took a seat. 

(The table she chose would eventually be her usual spot at the restaurant.) 

“I’ll order it - and if it’s not good, I’m never coming back. I might leave this city entirely. If my job sucks and Seoul doesn’t have good _tteokbokki_, what’s the point?” 

“What’s your job?” Seulgi asked.

Joohyun raised her eyebrows. 

“_Tteokbokki,”_ she answered, ignoring her question and sounding _a little_ threatening. 

“Right. I’ll be right back! I’ll make it right away!” Seulgi said, eagerly going back to the kitchen.

“_Hwaiting_!” she woman said to Seulgi’s retreating back. 

This was a high stakes order. She didn’t want to disappoint the incredibly scary, homesick girl with the cute dialect.

She cooked. She cooked like it was the last thing she’d ever make. And really, based on how the last few nights had gone, maybe it would be.

She remembered every step her grandmother taught her and added her own touches based on her experience and training. She used the rice cakes and fish cakes that she made from scratch, along with _Gomdori’s_ own special broth, unchanged from her grandmother’s original recipe. She added carrots, hard boiled quail eggs, and chopped cabbage to the wok and mixed it all together. 

Her special twist was a side of _gimmari_. She quickly put this in the fryer, while she waited for the tteokbokki to cook together.

She thoughtfully plated the _tteokbokki_ and _gimmari_. While most restaurants would’ve thrown it into a bowl, she put more care into its presentation. She believed that half of the food’s deliciousness came from its presentation, and she was always mindful in making something that looked as good as it tasted.

Finally, with a swipe of a napkin to clear the splatters on the plate and green onions artfully placed for garnish, Seulgi was done. She was pretty sure she made an excellent _tteokbokki_ dish. 

She just hoped the girl in the dining room agreed.

The chef brought the food out and without a word, placed it on the table. The woman jumped - she seemed like she was engrossed in whatever weird dodgeball game she was playing on her phone - then she eyed the dish. 

“Here it is. Please enjoy it,” the chef said, trying her best to seem confident, even though her heart was beating rapidly. She forced a smile - hoping that her eye smile looked genuine and that the Daegu woman didn’t hear the shaky breath she just took. 

The customer gave it an evaluating look and then brought her chopsticks to the bowl. She inspected the rice cake she picked up before gently blowing on it then popping it into her mouth. 

Seulgi looked at her expectantly as the woman thoughtfully chewed. Her eyebrows were furrowed and she looked deep in thought. For a split second, Seulgi was worried it was a failure.

Then the woman’s eyes lit up. And she smiled.

And wow, what a beautiful smile. Seulgi would cook for this woman for as long as she wanted if she could see a smile like that again. 

“Good job, chef!” she said, cheerily. “I guess I’m staying.”

And then the woman dived in, eagerly eating. 

Seulgi let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

That moment was when Seulgi knew that _Gomdori_ would be okay. If she could get this angry, beautiful woman with a high standard for street food on her side, well, she could get all of Seoul.

\-----------------------

As soon as Seulgi finished cooking, she packaged it up and she left her apartment. 

As she walked, she thought about the first time she met that woman - who she would eventually learn was called Bae Joohyun, an office worker that was stressed her out _all the time_. She also learned that she loved food, missed home, and that eating Seulgi’s food was the first time she hadn’t felt homesick since moving to Seoul.

She was proud of that fact. 

While Joohyun continued to come to _Gomdori_, she became a firsthand witness to its eventual success. She’d also witnessed Seulgi’s own personal growth.

Joohyun was inspiration for so many good things in her life without Seulgi even realizing it. 

When Wendy, Sooyoung, and Yeri came to her and told her she needed to confess to Joohyun, she thought about all the ways she could woo her. But she wasn’t a writer, she wasn’t a composer, and she wasn’t wealthy. Things that people usually do to woo someone they wanted to be with wouldn’t work for her. 

So Seulgi’s genius plan to confess to Joohyun was through the thing she was most confident about. It was the one way she knew she could express herself and her care for someone - by cooking for them. 

All her life, when she was in doubt, when she needed a confidence boost, or when she wanted to show she cared, she cooked. 

So that’s what she did for Joohyun.

She wasn’t even nervous as she walked to Joohyun’s apartment. Usually Seulgi overthought _everything_ \- she was a perfectionist, after all - but with the office worker who she’d come to really care for, she didn’t think she needed to. Everything that she would say to her would be from the heart; she didn’t need to practice that. 

With the bag of food, she reached Joohyun’s building and pulled out her phone. It took three rings before her call was picked up. 

_“Hello?”_ Joohyun answered. 

“I have a special delivery for Bae Joohyun.” Seulgi said, lowering her tone, like she was a delivery man.

_“Seulgi-ya?”_ Her cackle came through the line. _“‘I have a special delivery.’ Omo, what is with your voice?!” _

Seulgi did _not_ appreciate the inaccurate impersonation of her _very_ realistic delivery man voice, but she persevered. 

“Joohyun-ah! Let me up!”

_“Fine, fine, come up. I’ll tease you in person.”_

Seulgi heard the building’s front door unlatch and she walked up the familiar staircase to Joohyun’s apartment. 

When she reached her floor, Joohyun was already waiting at her doorway, leaning against its frame. 

“So it is you, not a burly man here to give me a parcel?” Joohyun asked, frowning. Her voice was deadpan. “Your voice was so convincing.” 

Seulgi rolled her eyes. “While I know I’m a strong, tough woman, I guess ‘burly’ wouldn’t be completely correct. So no, it’s just me.”

“What’s in the bag?” Joohyun asked, eagerly.

“Have patience. Let me inside first?”

“Fine,” she said, taking a step back so that Seulgi could enter her place. Then she took the bag with a cartoon ‘_yoink!’_, as Seulgi was slipping off her shoes. “Thanks!” 

Seulgi laughed and closed the door behind her, already hearing Joohyun’s cheer and giggle from the kitchen. “_Omo_, tteokbokki!”

“Just for you,” she said, following her in. The woman was already dipping a _gimmari_ into the _tteokbokki_ sauce, grinning and chewing with her mouth slightly open.

“Thanks, Seulgi-ya! I haven’t had lunch yet so this is perfect. I’m sorry about the mess,” she said, covering her mouth as she spoke between bites, referencing the growing pile of dishes in her sink. “I haven’t been home much lately to take care of it.”

“No problem. Busy at work?”

“Work and life…” she said, her mouth still full. “There’s no such thing as balance in my life - it’s either dull and boring or the stress is overwhelming me to the point that all I want to do is lie down face first on my bed and scream for twenty years.” 

Seulgi laughed at the visual. 

“Well, I hope that the food makes a positive difference. Otherwise you can scream between chews, that might be cathartic. ”

Joohyun nodded. “Well you’re right about the food, it’s helping - I can already tell. Food makes everything better.”

She brought the food from the counter to the kitchen table, without missing a beat, eating as she walked the few steps. She plopped down on the chair and gestured for Seulgi to join her.

“Did you really just come here to bring me food?”

“I mean, I had some ulterior motives. I haven't seen you in a while and I wanted to make sure you were okay. Plus you weren’t answering my texts…”

Joohyun looked a little guilty. “Yeah. Sorry about that; like I said, I’ve been busy. Face down and screaming, right?”

“I understand. Sometimes life stops you from visiting your favourite restaurant.”

“Among other things,” she said, suddenly incredibly focused on the last few rice cakes left in the container.

Seulgi noticed the change in her demeanor. Not wanting to make any assumptions (was it about Jennie? Was she upset? She wasn’t going to ask her; she wanted Joohyun to tell her), she decided to distract her.

“Hey, do you remember when we first met?”

“Of course I do,” she said, a small smile playing on her lips. “I was going to beat you up if this didn’t taste good.”

“I know - I was terrified,” Seulgi admitted, making Joohyun laugh. “But after you came in, I realized that I could do it. _Gomdori_ would be fine, I would be fine. As long as I was confident in what I made and I kept working hard, everything would be okay.”

“And it was true.”

“It was.”

“What brought that up? Are you going to _finally_ offer me my fair share of your profits?” Joohyun teased.

“Definitely not,” Seulgi laughed. “I just thought of it when I was coming over. I was...reminiscing, I guess.”

Joohyun smiled again, this time with a small laugh, her cheeks suddenly rosy. 

“I have something to confess to you about that night, too.”

Seulgi tilted her head. “What?”

“That night I came to a realization, too. I’d been working for Sunmi for a week, and I already knew it’d be a disaster, so I spent half the work day drafting a resignation letter and trying to see if I could get my apartment’s security deposit back from my landlady. I was _so close_ to quitting. It was when I was on my way home that I saw your restaurant… Well, after meeting you and trying your _tteokbokki_, I decided to stay. I found something worth staying in Seoul for.”

“My food?”

Joohyun rolled her eyes. “More like the feeling like I wasn’t alone. Like I wasn’t ten thousand kilometers from home rather than just a few hundred. And a reminder that I could feel comfortable. Like, I could find a friend here.”

“Here I was thinking I was only good for food,” Seulgi said, shyly. “I really had no idea.”

“Of course you didn’t; I never told you,” Joohyun answered, with a cheeky smile. “Seriously. I met you and I felt like I would know you forever.”

The mood shifted; in almost a tangible way, the air became thick with the heaviness of what Joohyun said. Seulgi reached forward, almost reflexively, and placed her hand over Joohyun’s. This time, she didn’t ignore the almost electric jolt she felt when they touched.

“I know exactly what you mean, Joohyun-ah,” Seulgi said, finally. 

Joohyun beamed, then took the last bite from the plate.

“How was it?” Seulgi asked, gesturing at the empty container, and letting go of Joohyun with a gentle squeeze on her hand. 

“Delicious, as usual. Thanks for bringing it over,” she said. “And again, I’m sorry I went missing. I’m sure it didn’t feel great, considering how it went last time we saw each other... I hope I didn’t worry you.”

“It’s okay; sometimes life happens,” Seulgi said. “Have you been okay though?”

Joohyun didn’t look up, suddenly incredibly interested in staring at the empty container of food in front of her. She traced her chopsticks through the leftover sauce, like she was trying to calm herself by drawing distracting swirls. 

“Yes. And no,” she answered after a beat. She sighed then finally met eyes with Seulgi. “I broke up with Jennie.”

“I...I heard,” she admitted. “Yeri and Sooyoung bumped into her and she told them. They just told me.”

Joohyun frowned. “I’m sorry; I was hoping I would be the one to tell you. You shouldn’t have to find out about stuff like that from other people. I just wanted to tell you in person but I couldn’t figure out how…”

“It’s fine,” Seulgi said. And really, it was. Seulgi of all people knew that breakups needed processing time, and she would never push Joohyun to tell her anything she didn’t feel comfortable sharing with her. “How have you been?”

“Okay, I guess.” Joohyun shrugged, then brought the empty dish to the sink to rinse it out. “I didn’t think it was forever with her.”

She was avoiding Seulgi’s eye now, in contrast from just moments before. 

“Breakups are hard, no matter the circumstances around them.” 

“I just feel so guilty; she really didn’t expect it.” Joohyun finished rinsing the container then recycled it. “Maybe I’m just perseverating for no reason, but I can’t stop thinking about how upset she looked...” 

“Of course she’d be upset. You’re _you_,” Seulgi said, quietly. “But she’ll be okay. If it wasn’t meant to be, then you made the right decision. Try not to beat yourself up over it.”

Joohyun nodded. She grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge; Seulgi could see her nervousness, as she was fidgeting. 

“Do you want a drink?” she asked, still not looking at her.

“No, thank you.”

“Sure, here you go,” she said, handing her a bottle anyway, obviously not really paying attention to her answer. “Want to watch T.V. or something? The coffee table is a mess, I was working on some stuff, but I can put it away if you like. Or we can just keep talking, I guess, although, really, there’s not much else going on with me-”

“-_Unnie_.” Seulgi said, accidentally using honorifics. That seemed to pull Joohyun from her daze; she finally met her stare. “Uh, I mean Joohyun-ah.”

Joohyun’s shoulders sagged a little, then she sat down at the table again.

“Sorry,” she said, nervously tearing the label from the bottle. “Just… talking about the break-up is hard as it is, but it feels even harder since it’s _you_.”

“Joohyun-ah…” 

“I didn’t break up with her because of you,” Joohyun said, abruptly.

Seulgi’s eyebrows furrowed. 

“I-I didn’t think you did,” she said quietly, embarrassed by her stutter. 

She was caught off guard by that statement. It felt like a punch in the gut. 

Joohyun immediately reached forward, her hand on Seulgi’s shoulder. 

“I didn’t mean it like that. I just… I mean that I broke up with her because I followed your advice. You told me that I shouldn’t be with someone I didn’t love as much as they loved me. That it wouldn’t be fair to them.”

Seulgi nodded, still feeling the sting of Joohyun’s previous statement. 

“For both of your sakes, it’s good that you broke up, then,” she mumbled, looking away and blinking back tears. She hated that she was so sensitive around Joohyun. 

Any hope that Joohyun hadn’t noticed her reaction was immediately dashed when she stood up from her seat and then knelt on the ground before her. She trailed her hand up to cup Seulgi’s cheek.

“Seulgi-ya, look at me,” she said, gently. Seulgi did just that, and tears almost began to spill out, as Joohyun’s gaze took her breath away. She was looking up at her with so much affection; Seulgi didn’t know what to do with it. She’d never known anyone to look at her that way. “I didn’t break up with her because of you; but it also didn’t help that I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I still can’t.” 

“Oh,” Seulgi said, simply, not trusting her voice. 

“You said if we ever do get together, we owe it to ourselves to do it right, and I agree,” Joohyun said, quietly, while slowly caressing her cheek. Seulgi subconsciously leaned into Joohyun’s touch, her eyelids fluttering. She was so drawn to her, every touch was a comfort. “Because as much as I want you… we have a lot we need to figure out first.”

“Like what?”

Joohyun took a deep breath, then pulled her hand away. She sat on her heels, still at Seulgi’s feet. 

“You broke my heart, Seulgi. I can’t just forget that.”

It crushed Seulgi, her frown deepening. She moved from her seat, to kneel with Joohyun on the kitchen floor, meeting her eyes and bringing her up to be at her level. 

“I know. I don’t expect you to. I still have a lot I need to do to make it up to you, Joohyun - to be worthy of you.”

If anyone were to walk in and see them, they would’ve looked ridiculous. Two grown women, on their knees in front of each other, both clutching each other’s arms and looking at each other like they were precious gold, in the middle of a tiny kitchen, under fluorescent lights. 

Yet somehow, to each other, they were perfect. 

“Enough of that, Seulgi-ya. Stop putting me on a pedestal. You’re worthy of whatever you want,” Joohyun gently chided. “Our problem isn’t about worth - it’s about learning how to fit in each other’s worlds. How to make _us_ work.”

Seulgi agreed with that. 

“That’s why I’m here, actually…” 

Joohyun stopped her with her finger to her lips; Seulgi restrained herself from kissing it.

“Wait, let’s get up,” Joohyun said, shifting uncomfortably on her knees. “It felt like a romantic gesture at the time but now my knees hurt.” 

“Grandma Joohyun,” Seulgi teased, easily getting up and helping Joohyun to her feet.

“Hey!” Joohyun yelled, swatting Seulgi’s shoulder, even though she was laughing. 

Seulgi grinned. “See, this is why we’re great. We can have serious conversations and then two seconds later we can be joking around.”

“Except I prefer it when I’m the one teasing you and not the other way around.” Joohyun gave her a playful glare.

“I can’t help it that you’re cute and easy to make fun of.” 

That comment earned Seulgi another hit, this time on her stomach, which made the chef go, “_Oof.”_

“Tell me again why you’re here and why I shouldn’t kick you out for calling me ‘grandma’?” Joohyun pointedly asked, before sitting back down at the table. Seulgi joined her. 

“Right. Well, I’m here to make amends. Uh,” Seulgi said, bowing apologetically. “First, I’m sorry I called you ‘grandma’.”

Joohyun, trying to look stern, suppressed a smile. “Apology accepted.”

“Great! Uh, second, I’m here to make a first step in making things right between us. As friends - and maybe one day, _more_.” 

This time Joohyun blushed - but with how Seulgi’s heart suddenly started pounding, she was sure she was blushing also. 

“Starting with free food delivery?”

“Kind of,” Seulgi admitted. “The _tteokbokki_ is kind of a ‘taste’ of what’s to come.”

She raised her eyebrows when she said ‘taste’ and her grinned grew when Joohyun cringed.

“Nice one, _no jam_.”

“Hey, that was _clever_,” Seulgi defended. “See, I want _this_. Where we can just talk and laugh, and I can make you your favourite food, and it’s just...completely ordinary for us. I want us to make each other happy.”

“I want that too,” Joohyun said. 

“But before we do anything, I also don’t want to rush into anything, despite what my friends are saying.”

Joohyun snickered. “Wendy _has_ sent me a few texts about us getting together.”

“Of course she has.” Seulgi rolled her eyes. “Wendy, Sooyoung and Yeri gave me a lecture last night about you, actually.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. They want me to just go for it.”

Joohyun smiled. “They might be onto something. But we can’t exactly work off their schedule, can we?”

Seulgi shook her head. 

“Probably not. Before we do anything, I really want to make up for all the hurt I caused you in the past. And when I do that, then I think...I _know_ we can work. So let me try to make things better between us - even better than it was before. And we can see where it’ll take us from there.”

“Better than before?”

“Yeah. I’m going to treat you the way I should’ve been treating you all along.”

“What do you mean?” 

Seulgi paused. 

Seulgi wanted to say a million things. 

She wanted to tell her that she was going to be there for her. That she was going to try her best to never disappoint her. That she was going to learn from her, and that hopefully Joohyun would learn from her too. That she was going to give her space to be her own person - but that Seulgi would always be there for her when she needed her. That she was going to be the partner that Joohyun deserved, and the partner Seulgi should’ve always been.

That she was going to learn all the ways Joohyun wanted and needed to be loved, and that hopefully, Joohyun would learn all those things about Seulgi too. 

She wanted to tell her that she was _meant_ to be with Joohyun. She could feel it in her bones, like it was written on her soul. 

But instead of saying all that, she smiled simply.

“Well, first, I’m going to start with _tteokbokki_.”

“You’re such a dork, Seulgi-ya,” Joohyun said, before standing up and bringing Seulgi to her feet. “You know me well. _Tteokbokki_ is a great way to get on my good side.” 

Joohyun walked into Seulgi’s arms and leaned her head against her chest. When Seulgi brought her arms around Joohyun’s waist, it felt like it was exactly where her arms were meant to be. 

She breathed in her scent and pressed a quick, gentle kiss to the crown of Joohyun’s head. 

“Thank goodness. I really didn’t have a Plan B for my plan to court you.”

“‘Court you’?” Joohyun repeated. “You’re a little old fashioned. No one talks like that anymore.”

“_Hey_, I’ve been told that I’m a romantic!” Seulgi groaned, but still _loving_ the fact that they were having such an easy, natural conversation. 

“That’s true, but you’re also old fashioned.” Joohyun grinned against her. “And you’re sweet and… you’re different somehow. Different from before.”

“Like I said before - a really smart girl taught me it was important to take care of myself _for myself_. Once I figured that out, I realized that the love I could give would be even better.” 

Joohyun grinned - her eyes twinkled, and Seulgi felt herself mirroring Joohyun’s smile.

“That smart girl sounds great,” Joohyun said facetiously. “I hope I can meet her one day.”

“I hope I get to meet Lizzo one day, too,” Seulgi said, seriously. She braced herself this time, when Joohyun hit her but it still hurt. “_Aish_, I was just kidding, Joohyunnie! It was you all along!”

Seulgi whimpered, hoping to gain sympathy - and it worked, as Joohyun laughed and rolled her eyes, then fell into her arms again. 

“You’re _such_ a dork. Why am I letting you ‘court me’, again?” 

“Yeah? You will? We can… date?” 

Joohyun nodded. 

“Let’s see where this goes, _pabo_,” she answered, resting her head on Seulgi’s shoulder again. “But we’ll take this slow, okay?”

“Okay. You set the pace. If it’s too much, just tell me, and I’ll stop.”

“That’s the thing, Seul - once we start, and I mean _really_ start, I think it’s it. I don’t think we’ll ever end.”

Seulgi breath hitch, her heart suddenly pounding. She’d never heard anything so true in her life. 

“That’s what I hope,” she said, quietly, not trusting her shaky voice. 

They began to sway together in each other’s arms, both of them content to just hold each other, the weight of their new beginning settling between them.

And Seulgi made a commitment to make this the last time they’d ever have to talk like this. From this moment forward, Joohyun would know, without a shadow of doubt, that Seulgi was the woman for her. 

\--------------------

Whether it was her childhood with her grandmother, coming out to her parents, or even meeting Sunmi for the first time, many of Seulgi’s favourite memories involved food. So naturally, Seulgi’s romantic, master plan was exactly that: food. She was going to woo Joohyun with the amazing dishes she could make.

Food brought so many of the best things in her life. It was, after all, what brought Joohyun into hers and what ultimately kept her in it. 

The weeks that followed Seulgi’s promise to “court” Joohyun were filled with time spent together, good conversation, and great food. In this process, Seulgi was mindful to spend time away from Joohyun. A mistake she’d make in the past was to center her life around her partner - so this time, she made sure that she and Joohyun had their own lives. 

Joohyun had her life, her work, and her own friends. Seulgi kept up with her own hobbies, like her teaching job and her dance lessons. 

Joohyun also stopped coming to _Gomdori_ as much, “out of principle,” according to the office worker. Seulgi had essentially made herself her personal chef, and on top of _that_ she refused to let Joohyun pay for meals when she went to her restaurant. 

Joohyun was adamant that she didn’t want to take advantage of her; Seulgi was adamant that she _wasn’t_ taking advantage. But Joohyun was stubborn. Seulgi had even caught her a few times trying to sneak cash into her wallet to pay for the food. 

(It led to a small argument that was resolved with a truce and cuddles.)

But when they did see each other, Seulgi always brought food. 

She surprised her with kimchi fried rice one morning for breakfast. _Gopchang_ a few days later. A _disastrous_ attempt at falafel a couple nights after. Spicy_ galbi-jjim _later that week. 

Every meal had a purpose. 

She made kimchi fried rice because Joohyun mentioned it was her favourite thing to make when she was a poor university student. Seulgi made her a fancy, elevated version that blew Joohyun away - she added fresh tuna, a sunny side up egg, cheese, and pickled radish. 

To Seulgi, it represented their fresh start - that even something that had been experienced a million times before could actually be quite exciting and brand new if you just added a little effort to it. 

Seulgi brought _gopchang_ when Joohyun invited her to share in one of her surprising favourite past times - watching movies and drinking a _shocking _amount of soju. 

She _thought _she knew how much alcohol Joohyun could deal with (they went to the wine festival, after all), but soju was a totally different beast. Somehow, despite her tiny frame, Joohyun’s alcohol tolerance was _drastically_ higher than Seulgi’s. And even though Seulgi was a sloppy drunk (or maybe _because_ she was a sloppy drunk), the two of them hadn’t laughed that hard in ages.

The _gopchang_ stood for the fun they could have together and how they could surprise each other, even after knowing one another for so long. 

The chef _kind _of made Joohyun falafel. They were both pretty adventurous when it came to food (within their limitations - Joohyun hated chicken and Seulgi hated most vegetables), so she wanted to make her something new. 

But it was a disaster. When Joohyun showed up to her apartment for lunch, there was tahini spilled everywhere, cucumbers and tomatoes on the floor, and crumbling falafel balls that Seulgi tried to stuff into pita bread that was already falling apart. 

Even though Seulgi felt _incredibly_ embarrassed - she was a chef, for god’s sake - Joohyun laughed and gave her a kiss on the cheek, which made up for how ashamed she felt. 

Seulgi originally thought the falafel represented her stepping outside of the box for Joohyun and impressing her with something new. But instead it represented her vulnerability; that Seulgi could turn to Joohyun when she made mistakes - and that Joohyun would accept her no matter what. 

(They went out for pizza instead.)

When Seulgi made _galbi-jjim_, it was in an attempt to help bring a bit of Daegu to Joohyun. She took a rare Friday night off from work and invited Joohyun over for dinner. She spent the day preparing the spicy dish, along with a few others that Daegu were known for - like _napjak-mandu _and her best attempt at copying _Jungang_ _Tteokbokki_, as it was Joohyun’s favourite. 

The chef couldn’t help her gigantic grin for the rest of the night after Joohyun told her that she preferred Seulgi’s usual version to the famous _tteokbokki_ in Daegu.

That night was an embodiment of Seulgi’s commitment to Joohyun - that wherever she was, Seulgi would do her best to be home to her.

The more time they spent together, and the more dishes Seulgi made, she realized that it didn’t matter what they were eating. What mattered was that in those moments, they were talking. They were revealing more to one another. They were seeing how they fit into each other's lives. The more time they spent together, the more she was convinced - nothing felt more right for her than being with Joohyun.

And Seulgi fell harder and harder with every moment spent with Joohyun.

But instead of being afraid or confused like she was before, she loved every second of it. 

\---

Since she loved doing things for her, Seulgi sought out to plan the perfect date for Joohyun. She thought about everything she knew about the woman and landed what she thought was a good plan. It had all the elements Joohyun seemed to love: competition and food. 

She kept her plans a secret, even when she invited Joohyun out. The car ride over was full of anticipation - Joohyun was almost bouncing in her seat, loving the idea of being surprised. On the way over, she started to impatiently guess. Was it a trip to _Everland_? The _SeMA_? But no matter how many theories she had, she guessed incorrectly each time. 

Finally, after her speculation grew to a level of wild inaccuracies (“Are we going to _space?!_”), Seulgi pulled up to one of her favourite restaurants in all of Seoul.

“A Thai restaurant?” Joohyun asked, after Seulgi went around the car to open the door for her. 

Seulgi kept her hand in hers as they walked up to the entrance. 

“Well, you mentioned that you really like pad thai, I couldn’t exactly bring you to Thailand - not yet, but one day, I’m sure we’ll travel the world together,” Seulgi said, blushing a little because of how candid she suddenly got (fortunately, Joohyun’s smile seemed to tell her she agreed), “I planned on making it for you, but there was only one problem - I don’t know how. So I was looking up recipes when I remembered - one of my friends from culinary school has an amazing Thai restaurant and he owed me a favour so…”

“We’re eating here?”

“Even better. He’s going to teach us how to make it.” 

“Really?” Joohyun asked, her eyes full of excitement. 

“Yeah! I thought it might be something fun that you and I can do together. Learn something together and make some memories.”

“That’s a great idea, Seul.” Joohyun leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to Seulgi’s check. The chef beamed back at her, a light blush over her cheeks. 

“I also have _another_ surprise for you. We’ll be competing.”

“What?”

“Chef Leechaiyapornkul will be judging our dishes. The loser has to pay!” 

Seulgi continued to grin at Joohyun cheekily, as the office worker pulled away and glared. 

“You’re expecting me to compete against a _professional_ chef?!” Joohyun whined. 

“I didn’t realize that I was so attracted to a _whiner_.”

Joohyun pouted for a second, then her expression flipped - her eyes narrowed and she puffed out her chest. “Get ready to lose, Kang Seulgi!” 

As soon as the Chef (who preferred to be called ‘Ten’) introduced himself, Joohyun’s competitive nature came out in full (and terrifying) force.

Ten had them working in two separate stations, with all the ingredients they needed and an abbreviated version of the recipe that Ten cooked with. Part of the challenge would be in figuring out the steps that Ten didn’t include. 

Ever the professional, Seilgi read over the recipe card with complete concentration before she began. The ingredients list had no quantities or measurements; the instructions were missing details. 

She tried to figure out some of the missing steps that Ten omitted, hoping to have a leg-up on the competition. She figured out a few of them, made notes, then started.

Seulgi actually felt bad for the inexperienced Joohyun. This was going to be tough for her. So she decided, out of the goodness of her heart and for the sake of a fair competition, to help her if she looked lost. 

But to her surprise, Joohyun immediately got to work. Despite not knowing how to make the dish herself, she had natural skills that even Seulgi had to admit, were quite impressive. She was already making the pad thai sauce - mixing together tamarind, brown sugar, fish sauce, soy sauce, lime juice and red chili flakes - while Seulgi was still soaking her noodles. 

As they cooked, Ten stood between the two women, monitoring their progress and making sure that neither of them were cheating. Although Seulgi _thought_ she might’ve noticed Ten whispering some directions to Joohyun, but she couldn’t be positive…

Ten kept them entertained and chatting as they cooked with stories about Seulgi in culinary school. 

“I even knew her scary ex-girlfriend,” Ten divulged as Joohyun was stir frying her shrimp and tofu. 

“_Ya_, Chittaphon!” Seulgi said, still not caught up to where Joohyun was. She looked over her shoulder and was really impressed with how authentic hers looked.

How was Joohyun so good at this?! 

“It’s _Ten_, Seulgi_-noona_,” her friend corrected. “And I’m only bringing up Sunmi because I like Joohyun-ssi _much _more for you. You two are much better suited. I never saw you laugh this much with Sunmi ever_. _And she’s a much better cook than you are, as far as I can tell so far._”_

Seulgi pouted, only just starting on her protein. “That’s not possible! I’m a trained professional!”

“Some people just have the magic touch, Seulgi-ya, don’t feel bad,” Joohyun teased. 

“She’s funny!” Ten said, laughing. “Keep her, Seulgi.”

“That’s the plan.”

Finally, both dishes were complete. Based on the incomplete recipe, Seulgi saw a few steps that she missed - she didn’t dice the carrots as nicely as Joohyun did, and her sauce seemed a little more balanced than Seulgi’s (_honestly_, did Ten help her when she was looking away?!). But she was still confident that what she made was delicious. 

Ten tried a forkful of noodles from Seulgi’s dish, gave it a nod, then tried from Joohyun’s. His reaction was _suspiciously_ immediate.

“The winner is Joohyun-_noona_!”

The office worker started jumping and cheering while Seulgi hung her head down and cried out, “_How?!”_

She endured some continuous teasing as one of Ten’s servers came and plated their food. Ten led them to the dining area where they were going to finish their dishes. The two women were just getting seated when he excitedly exclaimed.

“_Omo!_ Lisa!” 

Seulgi and Joohyun looked up and standing at the front of the restaurant were four striking women…

Oh no…

_Awkward_. 

“Seulgi-_noona_, Joohyun_-noona_ \- this is my friend Lisa! And her friends, Chaeyoung, Jisoo-_noona_, and-” 

“-Jennie,” Joohyun supplied, as the four girls approached. She stood and gave the four women a polite nod, which they all awkwardly returned. 

“Hi,” Jennie greeted, stiffly. 

“Hello.” 

It seems like Jennie only _just_ realized that Seulgi was there because her eyes widened - then a look of realization came over her. Seulgi squirmed a little under the scrutiny. 

“What’s going on?” Ten cluelessly asked. “Why are you two weird? How do you know each other?”

Lisa rolled her eyes at Ten then pulled him away, asking him to bring her and her friends to their usual table. Ten led them to the back of the restaurant, towards one of the more private areas. However, Jennie stayed behind. 

“Hey, Joohyun - can we talk? Alone?” Jennie asked. “It’ll be quick…”

Joohyun sighed, worriedly. She gave Seulgi a look, almost to check if she would be okay, and Seulgi nodded. 

“Sure…” Joohyun said, almost reluctantly. 

The two women walked away - for privacy, they went to the front of the restaurant, where there were no people standing around. 

She tried not to stare at Joohyun and Jennie, but when she briefly looked up, their conversation looked tense. In the past, she would’ve felt insecure and jealous - was Jennie trying to win her back? Should Seulgi be worried? But her strongest feeling was one of concern - she didn’t want Joohyun to be upset or sad. 

_Finally_, what seemed like hours later (but it was probably just a few minutes, as Seulgi’s plate of food was still hot), Jennie and Joohyun briefly hugged and then walked away from each other. 

When Joohyun came back, it seemed like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. 

“Everything okay, Joohyunnie?” Seulgi asked. 

Joohyun nodded. She smiled, small, then said, “Yeah. She just wanted to...wish me well. And tell me there were no hard feelings.”

Joohyun looked relieved, like a weight had been lifted. 

“Really?”

“Yeah. She said she thought about what I said and she realized that if I didn’t feel for her as strongly as she did for me, then I wasn’t the one after all. And she learned to be okay with it.” 

“Wow.”

“And she also said that if we stayed together, it would’ve been a mistake because we would’ve kept each other from our actual true love…”Joohyun trailed off, then blushed. And maybe Seulgi was being overly optimistic, but maybe it was because she knew that _Seulgi _was her true love. 

“Well...we wouldn’t want that for either of you,” Seulgi said, after a beat. 

“I’m glad she’s well. I didn’t expect her to be broken up about us still - it’s been a couple months - but I’m just relieved. She seems fine. And she doesn’t hate me.”

“I think she might hate me a little…” Seulgi admitted. Joohyun shook her head. 

“No, she doesn’t. I promise,” she said. Then she smiled, this time with a little disbelief. “She wished us well.”

“Did you tell her about us?”

“No - but she could tell something was going on here…”

“Something is.” Seulgi agreed. 

“Exactly. Something like how I’m _starving_ and I still haven’t been able to try my _amazing_ dish yet,” Joohyun said, her joking tone letting Seulgi know that she was fine. 

Thank goodness. She was glad it was a good, healing moment for her, and not one that upset her. 

Seulgi playfully pouted. “Stop bragging.”

“What?” Joohyun asked, feigning innocence. “What can I say? I’m just a natural.”

A great sign of a successful date was that it seemed to go by quickly. With the blink of an eye, the two were walking up to Joohyun’s apartment, hand in hand. Their bellies were full of delicious food with extras in takeaway containers (and Seulgi _had_ to admit - Joohyun’s was much better).

Finally, they reached her door. Seulgi would’ve loved to come in and continue their date, but unfortunately, she had to work the dinner shift at _Gomdori_ that evening. 

She brought Joohyun into her arms, for a long, tight embrace. Joohyun settled into the hug, with a satisfied “_Mmmm_,” which Seulgi felt vibrate against her heart. 

“This was fun,” Joohyun said. “Thank you for planning it.”

“Any time. Although I really think something suspicious happened with your win…” 

Joohyun giggled then pulled out of her arms. She brought her lips to Seulgi’s cheek, then teasingly kissed her way to Seulgi’s ear. 

“So, I have to admit something to you.” Joohyun said, her lips grazing Seulgi’s ear. “Our recipe cards were different; Ten gave me the full recipe.”

She cackled as Seulgi gasped, completely scandalized. 

\------------------------

Their changing dynamic from friends to more became evident a few weeks after Seulgi’s confession. 

They were invited to Wendy and Sooyoung’s apartment for a barbeque. Before going, Seulgi finally told the girls what was going on with her and Joohyun. Seulgi hadn’t told them at first for two reasons: 1. She didn’t want to jinx it, and 2. She was afraid they’d tease her. 

She discovered that her second fear was totally founded.

After quickly realizing that being ‘invited’ to a barbeque by Sooyoung was really just code for_ ‘we have the grill ready, but Seulgi has to make the food,’_ the chef and Joohyun both took on natural roles together. 

Seulgi grilled the fish while Joohyun deboned it for their friends. 

Despite not officially defining _what_ they were, Seulgi found herself not only in the early stages of a new relationship but also a begrudging parent of three, fully grown women. Her nearly acquired daughters also seemed to _love_ to tease their parents - whom they dubbed ‘_Joohyun-umma’ _and_ ‘Seulgi-umma’ _(Yeri tried to call her _appa_, but Seulgi put an immediate stop to that).

Seulgi could admit - it was kind of funny. At first.

But then the girls kept talking about their wedding, and their marriage, and well - the two of them hadn’t even _kissed_ yet. 

It was a lot to deal with. 

Joohyun too, seemed to be of the same mind. At first she didn’t seem to mind - in fact, she played along. But later that night, as Joohyun served Sooyoung a piece of perfectly deboned sea bass, Sooyoung quipped, “You two are the _best_ moms.”

Joohyun bristled. 

“I don’t have a daughter like you.”

They managed to get away from the girls when they were done eating - insisting that, because they cooked and prepared the food, it was only fair that the three clean up. They agreed (Seulgi suspects it was Joohyun’s stern tone that scared them into complying), and left Seulgi and Joohyun to hang out until they were finished.

When Joohyun went to the washroom, Seulgi found herself wandering to the balcony to take in the view and the fresh air.

She remembered the last time she was out there. She was a mess. Drunk. Longing for Joohyun. Heartbroken and lonely. But thinking back on that time was like she was thinking of a movie or a book - it was a distinct and vivid memory, but she felt so detached from it now.

She was totally different from the woman who stood in this same place, months ago. 

The inspiration for her change slipped her hand into hers; Seulgi smiled as she laced their fingers together. 

“Hi Seulgi-ya. You looked deep in thought, I almost didn’t want to disturb you.”

“You’d never be a disturbance to me, Joohyunnie.”

“Are you okay though? You had a very serious look on your face.”

Seulgi turned back to the skyline, feeling Joohyun’s concerned eyes still on her. 

“I was just thinking about the last time I was here. It was under very different circumstances.”

“Yeah, you could say that,” Joohyun said, with a small chuckle. She leaned against Seulgi’s frame, their hands still clasped together. Seulgi noted how perfectly she felt against her. “I prefer how we are now.”

“Me too,” Seulgi replied. “It was a hard process to get here with you, but I’m glad we’re here.”

Joohyun turned her head, her chin on Seulgi’s shoulder. Seulgi could feel her eyes on her - unabashedly staring, as if she was taking her in. Joohyun pressed a gentle kiss to Seulgi’s jaw, leaving goosebumps in place, then whispered. “You look beautiful right now, Seulgi.” 

Seulgi blushed, then turned, letting go of Joohyun’s hand only to wrap her own around her waist.

“Are you sure you’re not looking at a mirror?” she asked, expecting Joohyun to turn away or cringe. Instead Joohyun shook her head. 

“No, Seulgi. I’m definitely looking at you. I don’t ever want to look away.”

“Joohyun…”

Joohyun didn’t even bother to hide it; Seulgi caught her staring at her lips. She nervously licked her lips and somehow Joohyun’s gaze seemed to smoulder even more. 

The air around them was brisk, but somehow Seulgi felt like she was burning up - and that the only thing that could save her was Joohyun’s lips. 

Seulgi felt Joohyun’s delicate, soft fingers trace up her sides, her arms, then her nape, ending to clasp behind her neck. Her eyes, never leaving Seulgi’s lips, became hooded. 

Seulgi’s heart started pounding. Her own eyes closed, the sight of Joohyun scorched in her memory. Her skin tingled, as if her nerve endings were excited to finally feel Joohyun’s kiss. 

She felt her breath against her lips-

“-_Ummas! _Oh my god, I’m so sorry, _my eyes_!” Sooyoung’s dramatic voice interrupted them.

Seulgi pulled away so quickly that she stumbled backwards, falling into Sooyoung who stood a few feet behind them. 

_Damn it, Park Sooyoung!_

Their friend laughed and pushed Seulgi off her, into Joohyun’s arms, which flustered Seulgi even more. She took a step away immediately and leaned against the railing to brace herself.

“_Omo_, you two. We’re almost done cleaning up and were going to play Jenga, but it seems like you’re both too busy,” Sooyoung teased. “Should I come back?”

Seulgi never had a temper, but she was going to _murder_ Sooyoung. Joohyun didn’t look much better. She had her hand clutched to her chest and she wasn’t even hiding her glare. 

“We’re fine,” Joohyun said through gritted teeth. “We’ll come play.” 

Sooyoung’s shit-eating grin made Seulgi even more annoyed. 

“I’m actually glad I interrupted you. I would’ve been so upset if you two went further than Wendy and I have on this balcony,” Sooyoung put on a fake shocked expression. “You two looked like you were about to pounce.” 

“Oh my god,” Joohyun cried out. “What are you talking about?!”

“It’s _my balcony!_” Sooyoung continued, ignoring Seulgi entirely. “I haven’t even convinced Wendy to do it out here yet.”

“Please stop talking forever,” Seulgi whined. Her face probably matched Joohyun’s; she looked mortified. 

“_Yet. _I’m working on it, of course. I’m very persuasive,” Sooyoung added, with a wink. 

Joohyun gagged. “See, _this_ is why you’re not my daughter.”

“And I’m glad you’re not my mom, I would’ve been traumatised to see you lusting over my boss here,” Sooyoung quipped back. She grinned again. “Anyway, I’ll go tell the girls you’re coming - well, not _coming. _We established that you both weren’t doing that...” 

“Park Sooyoung, you have two seconds go get away before I punch you,” Joohyun threatened. 

Instead of being threatened, Sooyoung laughed, which made Joohyun bristle even more. Seulgi was shocked by Sooyoung’s lack of fear.

“Fine, I’ll leave. I’ll tell them you’re on your way.”

With a cheeky grin, Sooyoung closed the balcony door behind her. Then she turned on the twinkling string lights that lined the balcony railing, possibly to increase the ‘romantic’ vibes.

Seulgi rolled her eyes. 

The mood was ruined for her, and she was certain it was ruined for Joohyun.

“Your daughter is out of control,” she mumbled. 

“I don’t have a daughter like her!” 

\-------------------------

In complete contrast to her old job with Sunmi, Joohyun seemed to _love_ her new work. It was easy to love what she did. Working at a charity that helped women who survived domestic abuse challenged Joohyun and filled her with so much pride. The job was harder than her last, in almost every aspect, but Seulgi could tell that Joohyun wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

Because she was so passionate about what she did, she often brought the stress home with her. She didn’t work directly with their clients - but working in fundraising for the charity meant that she often spoke with the women and children who came for their aide to get their stories so she could write grants, find donations, and get sponsors. 

When Joohyun would share stories of her day, Seulgi was in awe of the woman.

But work stress took a toll. When you loved what you did, it made it so much harder to step away and keep work separate from home. Seulgi could definitely attest to that.

So the chef always made sure that Joohyun could relax and be taken care of whenever they were together. From little things, like making sure Joohyun had lunch ready for her next day (especially since she knew Joohyun had the tendency to skip meals if she was too busy to get one for herself), to bigger things, like staying on the phone with her into the early morning if Joohyun couldn’t sleep after learning about a client’s difficult life story. 

While it was hard for Seulgi to hear sometimes, she was inspired. Joohyun had an amazing capacity to take on other people’s pain and turn it into something productive, like what she did at work.

It struck her that taking care of the office worker came naturally to her. With her last relationship - a distant, warm, but fading memory - she often found she had to put a lot of effort to please Sunmi. Sometimes she’d do something that she thought Sunmi would love, but she would end up being pushed away.

But Joohyun seemed to genuinely love all the little and big things she did for her. And she would reciprocate the affection for Seulgi, in what Seulgi felt was tenfold.

She’d come home to random deliveries of art supplies. Cute texts that linked to songs on _Melon_ that reminded Joohyun of her. And when Seulgi had a hard day at work, Joohyun would stay on the line with her, late into the morning, listening to Seulgi’s concerns and troubles, and doing her best to make _her_ feel better.

These were reminders that this relationship was a lot more than just a mutual attraction. It was beyond anything that Seulgi had ever felt before - and she suspected that Joohyun felt the same way. 

\-------------------------

  
  


Ever since their ‘almost kiss’ on the balcony, the tension between the two had been palpable. 

Unfortunately for them, they hadn’t been able to alleviate the tension at all. A random celebrity friend of Yeri’s instagrammed from _Gomdori, _so the already popular restaurant was bursting with new customers daily. Joohyun’s work was also getting busier, as she was planning their big annual gala. 

Because of their schedules, they hadn’t been able to see much of each other in weeks. If it wasn’t for Joohyun having stopped by _Gomdori _a couple times, to (in her words), “_remind you of what I look like,_” they wouldn’t have seen each other at all. 

But every moment with her felt electric. Even when she was sitting at her usual table, in a busy restaurant, she’d catch her eye and see Joohyun’s smile, and feel the air in the room change. 

She was so close but so far away. 

Seulgi was going a little crazy. All she wanted to do was run her fingers through Joohyun’s silky soft hair, explore the expanse of her milky-white skin, and finally feel her lips on hers… 

...But everything had its timing, and like Seulgi had been taught numerous times in the past, when it was meant to happen, it would happen. 

Also, maybe, Seulgi was more than a little scared about taking the next step. Their first kiss, months ago, was a moment that was full of regret, pain, and embarrassment for Seulgi. 

She didn’t want a repeat of that. 

She was terrified. Even in her daydreams, when she’d imagine the moment when she’d take Joohyun into her arms and _show_ her how much she cared for her, another part of her mind would come screeching in and interrupt her nice fantasy with the terrifying reality. 

The one time she got the nerve to kiss her, she spiralled into a mess of bad decisions. 

What if...what if that happened again? 

So she would push those thoughts away as soon as they’d come up. She knew she was different now than she was before but she was still afraid. It was best for her to not think those thoughts anyway, lest they manifest themselves. 

That was easier said than done though, especially when a beautiful woman like Joohyun had been making it _quite_ clear that she wanted Seulgi. She never pushed - she respected Seulgi’s boundaries - but Seulgi could tell that she was ready for more. 

Seulgi just needed to channel her inner Yeri (the boldest woman she knew), and just go for it.

She whimpered at the thought.

Tonight was going to be a challenge for her, because for the first time in weeks, she and Joohyun were going to be alone together.

Alone in Seulgi’s apartment, where nothing except an act of god could interrupt them. She actually considered praying to a god, despite not believing in any, but she didn’t know exactly what she wanted to pray for. 

(_“Dear Lesbian Jesus, please give me the strength to kiss this beautiful woman who wants to kiss me and help me not be a complete mess. Thanks!”_

Or alternatively, 

_“Dear Lesbian Jesus, I’m scared. Please find a way to interrupt us if it looks like we might kiss, because I might actually have a heart attack from these nerves and I’m scared. Is my heart supposed to be racing like this? Why do I feel like I’m going to throw up? Anyway, thanks!”_)

Of course, praying was probably not going to make a difference, as she was sure Hayley Kiyoko had more important things to deal with.

So to avoid thinking about the potential issue at hand, she distracted herself. She went for a run, then she came back and cleaned her apartment. She got ready for the night, taking extra care in the shower to make sure she was _super_ clean. And, of course, she cooked. 

She congratulated herself on her productivity; she didn’t even have time to be nervous when Joohyun showed up. 

“I made _sujebi_!” 

As they usually did, Seulgi forgoed a greeting with Joohyun, just diving straight into the conversation. She moved to the side to let Joohyun into her apartment, and like a gentleman (gentlewoman?), she took her coat to hang in the closet as Joohyun removed her shoes.

“With extra potatoes?” the office worker asked, grinning with excitement. 

“Of course! It’s the Joohyun special, after all - extra potatoes _and_ extra spicy.”

“You’re the best, Seulgi-ya,” Joohyun said, tugging Seulgi’s arm to bring her into a hug. Seulgi sighed into her embrace and took a moment to take in Joohyun’s beauty. 

While Seulgi’s thoughts were often preoccupied with all things Joohyun, they were usually about her traits - like her sense of humour, her wisdom, her intelligence. She was selfless and thoughtful, but she was also strong and determined. 

She was all those things _and_ beautiful. How was it possible? 

Seulgi took in her beautiful dark eyes. To an outsider, they often looked aloof and mysterious. But to Seulgi, she could look past all of that - she could see the warmth, the affection and the joy behind them. They were simultaneously sexy and playful, hot and cold. Behind her eyes were lifetimes and galaxies and oceans. 

Her eyes trailed down to Joohyun’s button nose and it’s perfect upward tilt. It was like she was chiseled by an ancient Roman sculptor who was tasked to envision the most beautiful face. 

She could stare at her forever. 

Seulgi’s eyes flitted upwards, to look back at Joohyun’s eyes. It was in that moment that she realized that Joohyun was doing the exact same thing. If she had to describe her stare, it would be awed. Reverential, even. But Seulgi almost couldn’t believe it - how could someone who was as beautiful as Joohyun be looking at _her_ the exact same way?

Joohyun began to blush a little, realizing she was caught staring, and her cheeks began to colour, in a dusty rose that contrasted Joohyun’s milky complexion cutely. Joohyun bit her bottom lip then traced it with her tongue. Seulgi stared at the movement, mesmerized. 

She could only imagine how good it would feel to kiss her again…

It would only take a second - barely, even. A beat, an inch forward, and she could capture those lips with her own and breath in Joohyun’s scent and taste her lips once again. 

...but she clammed up and pulled away, before her thoughts ran away from her.

“I’m hungry,” Seulgi said awkwardly. “Let’s eat!”

Perhaps if Seulgi was less absorbed in her own thoughts, the look of complete _need_ that had covered Joohyun’s face would’ve registered. The way Joohyun had also been staring at her mouth with want, her eyes boring into Seulgi’s with desire. 

But Seulgi chose not to register that look. 

(Again - maybe she wasn’t quite ready for the next step.)

They sat down at Seulgi’s kitchen table, the bowls of soup already on placemats, along with a plate of kimchi to share. 

“Enjoy!” Seulgi said, laughing at Joohyun who quickly dived in. 

“This is _so good_, Seulgi-ya! _Yummy_,” Joohyun said, going _‘mmmm_’ as she slurped the broth. 

“Thank you! I made it before for Yeri and she said it made her cough. She said it was too spicy!”

Joohyun furrowed her eyebrows and shook her head in disappointment. “We raised a weak daughter.”

“I know, it’s upsetting,” Seulgi agreed. “But she liked the noodles, so that’s good.”

“She’s right - the noodles are great; I have no idea how you make them so flavourful.”

“I’m just so talented. I made it with my own two hands.”

Joohyun quirked an eyebrow and put down her spoon. 

“You literally make _everything _with your own two hands. Why did you emphasize your hands? Did you _clean_ your hands?”

She eyed the bowl suspiciously.

“Yes, I did!” Seulgi defended. “Hygiene is _very _important to me!”

As they finished up their bowls, they caught up on each other’s lives. It was their first proper conversation in weeks, so they filled each other in the little things. Joohyun was still having issues with planning her work event, but it was slowly coming together. Seulgi told her about the new servers she had hired to help with their growing popularity. 

When they were done, they moved into Seulgi’s living room. Seulgi threw on an LP - she felt like listening to something old, so she put The Beatles’ _Abbey Road_ on her turntable - and then fell onto the couch. Joohyun immediately cuddled into her. 

“So why _sujebi_?” Joohyun asked, nuzzling into Seulgi’s side. 

“I had all the ingredients and I forgot to go out and shop for anything else,” Seulgi admitted, grinning.

Joohyun laughed. “Well, I’m glad you forgot, because it was delicious.”

“Thank you!” Seulgi beamed. “It’s the only thing I make at _Gomdori_ that I haven’t changed or tweaked from my _oehalmeoni’s _original recipe. It’s the first thing she ever taught me to make.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I was like, 7 or 8, and she caught me in the kitchen, trying to make it based on a recipe I found in one of her old notebooks. My brother had a cold and I wanted to make him soup to feel better.”

Joohyun swooned a little. “You’ve always been a sweetheart, Seul.”

Seulgi shook her head. 

“No, I made it because we shared a bedroom wall, so I could hear him hacking and coughing all night. It was cutting into _my_ beauty sleep.”

“Right, it has nothing to do with the fact that you’ve always just been a really kind person,” Joohyun countered, rolling her eyes.

“Exactly. I have a bad boy reputation to maintain, Joohyun-ah,” Seulgi said, making Joohyun giggle. “Anyway, my noodles kept sticking together and absorbing all the broth, so it was a complete disaster. She caught me crying over the stove and I explained what was going on, so she helped me make it.

“It was also the first thing I made for my mother when my grandmother died,” Seulgi continued, after a beat. “We were all grieving so much and hadn’t cooked for ourselves in weeks… so I made it for her. We’d been so sad for so long and it was the first time in what felt like forever that my mom smiled… and that’s when I decided to be a chef.” 

Joohyun held Seulgi’s midsection even tighter. “I’m sure she’s so proud of you.”

“I hope so,” Seulgi said, modestly.

“No - I know she is,” Joohyun insisted, her eyes looking deeply into the chef’s. “Of course she is - you’re a success. You take care of yourself, you treat your friends well, you treat your parents well. And you’ve been so good to me. What’s not to be proud of? You’re an incredible woman. You’ve always been - from the child who was crying because she wanted to make something for her brother, to the woman who goes out of her way to make her family and friends proud. You’re a testament to how incredible _she _must have been.”

“Thank you, Joohyun.”

Seulgi bravely leaned down and pressed a quick kiss on Joohyun’s cheek, and the office worker blushed from the affection.

“Really though, she taught you well; it was the best _sujebi_ I’ve ever had,” Joohyun said. “You’re my favourite.”

“Favourite cook?” Seulgi cheekily asked, echoing a past conversation they’d had, so long ago. it felt like years rather than just months. 

This time though, Joohyun didn’t answer shyly. 

“My favourite. Just my favourite.” 

“You’re my favourite too,” Seulgi answered, brightly. She grinned at Joohyun, and expected the office worker to smile back, but instead she was met with Joohyun’s deep stare. And instead of her eyes looking back at her, her eyes were looking lower, straight at her lips.

Seulgi vaguely registered the record still playing. The lyrics were sung by John Lennon, and they echoed her own thoughts. 

_“I want you. I want you so bad.”_

It was obvious that Joohyun wanted to kiss her. Seulgi wanted to kiss her too - just as badly, if not more.

But she was so nervous. Too nervous.

Her heart started racing as Joohyun poked her tongue out to lick her dry lips.

Seulgi sucked in a breath; she felt flustered all of a sudden, like everything was caving in on her at once. 

_“I want you. I want you so bad. It’s driving me mad...”_

Then suddenly, Joohyun pulled away. 

“Are you okay?” she asked, concerned. Now she was looking right into Seulgi’s eyes, as if searching for the answer. “You look flushed. Seulgi-ya?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Seulgi said feebly. She cleared her throat, suddenly feeling too hot and stifled in this open room. “Uh, do you want water? I’m suddenly a little parched.”

“I’m fine.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” 

As quickly as she could without looking suspicious, she went to her kitchen and grabbed a water bottle from her refrigerator. She drank about half the bottle, letting the cold water calm her down as she drank. She leaned her head against the closed fridge door to brace herself.

She hated how nervous she felt. 

It was just a kiss. It was _just a kiss_, yet she felt like she was falling apart. 

She squeezed her eyes shut and started to count to ten while she focused on her breathing, hoping it would help her relax. 

She made it to seven when Joohyun’s voice brought her back to reality. 

“Seulgi? Is everything okay?”

She let out a sigh then turned around to see Joohyun, worry covering her face. Seulgi tried to smile, but she knew it looked like a grimace. 

“I’m fine. Just… a little tired. That’s all,” she lied - not very well, of course, because Joohyun eyebrows furrowed even deeper. She tried to deflect her worry. “Do you want to watch a movie or something?” 

“Seulgi, are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I was just thirsty. I’m fine now.” The final, abrupt chord of the song that had been taunting her petered out from the speakers, then there was silence. The record stopped. She tried to take advantage of the moment. “Oh, the LP stopped, I have to flip it over, let me go-”

“-Seulgi, stop,” Joohyun said, gently reaching for Seulgi’s hand. Her touch was light but somehow Seulgi felt anchored in place. “I know something is going on. You can tell me anything - I just want to help. Did I do something wrong?” 

“God, no, not at all.” Seulgi couldn’t help but laugh. “I can’t keep anything from you, can I…”

“I know you well, Seul. It’s only been a couple weeks since we started again. But I feel like I know you already. When you’re uncomfortable, I can tell. Whatever is going on, you can tell me, Seulgi-ya.”

She had two choices. She could continue to deflect, to lie, and push all of her feelings down.

Or she could just tell her the truth.

She decided to tell the truth. 

“I’m nervous.”

“Why? Because of me?”

“Yes,” Seulgi whispered. 

“Why?”

“Because I want to kiss you but I’m afraid it’ll be a disaster again.”

“What? Seulgi…”

“Last time we kissed, I ruined everything. And I’m afraid.”

“You didn’t ruin everything…”

“Yes I did. I kissed you and then it...led me to a dark place. I wasn’t ready then. And I think I’m ready now but I’m still scared. What if I’m wrong about being okay now? What if I’m still broken?” 

“You’re not, Seulgi. Even if you were ‘broken’, it wouldn’t change the fact that I’m here for you. I care about you so much.” Her expression changed - she stood a little taller, then said. “And you’re _not_ broken, Seulgi. You were never broken. We all have things we need to work on, Seulgi. That makes us human, not broken. Okay?”

Seulgi nodded shyly.

“How are you okay with everything?” Seulgi asked. 

“Because I know you. While I really cared about you then, how I feel about you _now_? It completely eclipses that. So I’m willing to wait. Whenever we do kiss again will be whenever _you’re_ ready. And it will be perfect.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I just know. It’ll be perfect because it’s us.”

Seulgi looked a Joohyun. And she _really_ looked at her. Not the passing glances that she’d give her, or even the longing stares where she would admire her beauty, but instead she thought about who she was. The incredible, patient woman who somehow - against all common sense, as far as Seulgi was concerned - felt as strongly for her as Seulgi did. 

And a memory from the night they first kissed came back to her. But instead of being overwhelmed by the mistakes she made, she remembered how _right_ everything felt. She thought about how beyond beautiful she looked that night, before she kissed her. And how she looked even more beautiful today.

_Fuck it._

Seulgi had been spending so much time trying to convince Joohyun that she would be a good partner for her, that she literally failed to act on a major part of a relationship.

Physical affection.

Not sex - not yet, at least (Seulgi’s mind kind of short-circuited at the thought of that). But she could be showing Joohyun how she felt about her, not just with her good deeds but with the simple, honest, pure act of a kiss.

Joohyun was standing in front of her, telling her she wanted her but was willing to wait for her, and Seulgi was too scared to do anything. Every moment that Joohyun was in her life and she _didn’t_ know just how valued and wanted she was, was a waste. 

The fact that Joohyun was willing to _wait_ for her? Women like Joohyun shouldn’t have to wait. They should get everything they want, whenever they wanted it, because they deserved the world.

A voice in the back of Seulgi’s head (that sounded like Yeri) yelled at her.

_“Don’t live your life in fear! Don’t have regrets!”_

Fear and overthinking got Seulgi in trouble in the past. She had to listen to her gut - and her gut was telling her to just go for it. 

Before she even realized what she was doing, she pulled Joohyun in by the waist, holding her tightly in her arms. There was barely any space between the two women; just thin layers of clothes kept their beating hearts from one another.

“Are you sure?” Joohyun asked, barely above a whisper.

Seulgi nodded. She was. This woman, this undeniably beautiful, sexy woman deserves to feel wanted in all the ways Seulgi could show her.

She reached up and gently traced her fingers across Joohyun’s cheek, lightly caressing her. Joohyun leaned into her touch, keeping her eyes on hers. 

Seulgi leaned down, then pressed a kiss against her forehead, then kissed down to the tip of her nose, then to her cheek, then slowly, she captured the perfect pink lips that she’d been thinking about for months. 

And Joohyun was right.

It was perfect. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is cross-posted from AFF. 
> 
> PLEASE DO NOT REPOST THIS/CONVERT THIS ANYWHERE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


	5. Deleted Scene (Bonus)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bonus chapter. :)

After months of uncertainty and bad luck, _Gomdori Restaurant’s_ fortune had turned around. It was now bursting with customers, many of whom queued in lines down the block to try the dishes. Seulgi’s pride and joy was getting the recognition and popularity it deserved. 

It was sheer persistence and faith that kept _Gomdori’s_ doors open. Seulgi was thankful she never listened to the loud voice of doubt that lingered in her head during the restaurant’s early days. By the length of the lines to get a table and the growing buzz around the restaurant, Seulgi was certain that it wasn’t just a flash in the pan.

There were a couple of factors that led to the restaurant’s success. The first one was Wendy’s genius and clever advertising campaign. Who would’ve thought that splashing Seulgi’s face on a bunch of advertisements with rainbows and messages of inclusion and promises of good food would make such a big difference?!

The second was because of their amazing returning customers - many of whom had become regulars in a short while. They helped spread the word about the restaurant. One of them even loved the restaurant so much, that they hired her to be a server (Yeri, who would one day become one of Seulgi’s best friends).

At the moment, Seulgi was greeting the customers waiting in line, thanking them for their patience. She often did this as a show of appreciation. She was so grateful to have customers _at all_, so she did her best to make sure their experience at _Gomdori_ was good - from the moment they got in line, to the moment they left the restaurant.

After chatting with a few people, she reached the end. And speaking of her amazing returning customers - this one in particular was someone who Seulgi was quite fond of.

“You’re back!” Seulgi greeted happily; Joohyun grinned back at her (and the chef suppressed the odd feeling she got - almost like butterflies, but it most probably wasn’t that…). “Why are you in line?”

“Well, I’d like to eat here tonight,” Joohyun stated, obviously. 

Seulgi boldly slinked her arm in hers then whispered in her ear. “Okay, let’s not make this so obvious, but I’m sneaking you in through the back so you can skip the line!”

“What? Why?” Joohyun asked loudly, not picking up on Seulgi’s memo to _be cool_. 

Fortunately none of the others standing in line noticed.

“Because! You’re one of our favourite customers. Now come on,” she said, leading Joohyun down the street and around the corner to the back entry. It was through the alley way and Joohyun was clearly uncomfortable - she stiffened and leaned slightly more onto Seulgi.

“Chef Kang, if you’re leading me to certain danger…”

“I wouldn’t do that to you, you’re our best customer. You came here three times last week!”

To Seulgi’s surprise, Joohyun blushed and mumbled, “Actually, it was four. And I tried to come again yesterday, but the line was too long...”

“_Omo_, you should’ve found me. I would’ve gotten you a table.”

“No, it’s fine - I was with a date and I realized while we were waiting that it wasn’t worth the hassle with them. We ended up going for pizza and I made an excuse to leave early.”

Finally they reached the back of the restaurant. On the door in big, bold letters was a sign that said, ‘_GOMDORI: EMPLOYEES and TIFFANY YOUNG ONLY’. _Joohyun laughed as she read it aloud. 

Seulgi grinned and explained, “That was Wendy’s idea.”

“And me too? Am I on the same level as Tiffany Young?” Joohyun jokingly asked.

“Well, Wendy was pretty set on adhering to the sign but I guess we can make an exception for our best customer.” Seulgi unlocked the back door and stood back with her arm out. “After you.”

“So chivalrous,” Joohyun said as she entered. A few of the other staff looked confused but smiled at the pair as they walked through the kitchen. Joohyun smiled to herself as she watched the new sous chef they hired whip up the latest order. 

“Joohyun-_unnie_!” Yeri threw her arms around the office worker, surprising her and stunning Seulgi. _Unnie? _When did _she_ get so close to her? 

“Hi Yerim-ah,” Joohyun greeted, returning the affection with the nickname. 

“Is Chef Kang getting you a table?” she asked, as she picked up some finished dishes, ready to get to the waiting customers. 

“I hope so,” Seulgi answered. “Do we have any?” 

She looked at the dining room and saw it was packed. She should’ve expected it to be full. 

“If I go back in line though, they said it’d only be a 45 minute wait and I really don’t mind,” Joohyun offered. 

“No, we can’t have you waiting, _unnie_. Do something, Chef Kang!” Yeri demanded, eyes blazing. Yeri had only been working there for a few weeks and she was already asserting her dominance over Seulgi. Of course.

Seulgi scratched the nape of her neck. Yeri’s commanding stare and Joohyun’s unsure eyes prompted her into action.

The dining room was full… there wasn’t any space for her in the kitchen… 

Then she thought of the next best thing: a make-shift private dining space.

“I know! Follow me, Joohyun-ssi. And Yeri - get those plates to their tables already, they’re getting cold,” she reminded. 

(For once, Yeri had the sense to look a little admonished.)

Seulgi set off towards the back door again with Joohyun following close behind, but instead of leading her out, she turned to her small back office. It was a tiny room - big enough for a desk with a computer, a filing cabinet and a small table. 

“Tada!” Seulgi held her hands out, showcasing the table. “I know this isn’t ideal, and I promise that from now on I’ll make sure to have your table reserved, but for now… would you do me the honour of joining me for dinner?” 

Joohyun blushed. She looked touched but also a little embarrassed.

“Chef Kang, you really don’t need to do this…”

“When the restaurant is busy like this, I usually sit back here and scarf down food anyway. It’d be nice to have a proper break and some company for once.”

Joohyun smiled but still looked unsure. 

“Plus Yubin will call me if she needs me, but she’s great - I’m sure she won’t,” Seulgi continued, trying to convince her. “Please?” 

She gave Joohyun an undignified pout for good measure. 

”Thank you, Chef. This is really kind of you.”

“It’s no problem, Joohyun-ssi.”

“Call me _unnie_.” Joohyun sat down. 

“Call me Seulgi, then. You don’t need to be formal with me either.” 

The girl looked up at her with her big brown eyes.

“Seulgi.” Joohyun said it, almost to her self, as though she was testing the word out. 

Seulgi liked how it sounded from her. 

“Okay, _unnie_,” she said shyly. “What would you like to eat?”

“Surprise me.”

“Really? Are you sure?”

“I’ve eaten through half of the menu anyway, and I’ve loved it all. The only thing I can’t eat is chicken.”

“You can’t eat chicken?”

“Nope. Had it once as a kid, it made me sick, so I stay away from it.”

Seulgi shook her head. “I’m sad for you.” 

Joohyun rolled her eyes. “I’m going to politely decline your invitation to join you if you judge me.” 

“Right! Sorry. Please stay! I’ll be right back, I’ll start cooking.” Seulgi quickly left, knowing exactly what to make for Joohyun.

As Seulgi got the diced pork belly going in the wok, Yeri entered the kitchen. 

“So, Seulgi-_unnie_ \- Joohyun-_unnie_ seems nice.” Yeri had a suspicious grin on her face. “I bet if Sunmi-ssi saw you two talking she’d be so jealous.”

Seulgi’s eyebrows furrowed, not liking Yeri’s insinuation. (She ignored the laugh Yubin let out at Yeri’s statement.)

“She wouldn’t because I’m just being friendly to one of our loyal customers.”

“Very friendly.” Yeri said, seeming to agree but again, her tone said otherwise. “Is it okay if I take my 15 right now and hang out with _unnie_? Sooyoung-_unnie_ just started her shift and Wendy-_unnie_ is out there helping too.” 

“Sure, I’m sure they have things under control. Go for it.” 

Seulgi continued to cook - while the dish was heating, she helped Yubin with a few small things - then finally finished. When she reentered the room, Yeri was still in the office with Joohyun, both chatting and laughing loudly. 

“Ya! Kim Yerim! You said 15 minutes, it’s been over 20!”

“Oops! Sorry!” Yeri quickly stood. “Sorry Chef Kang! I’ll text you later, Joohyun-_unnie_!”

Seulgi put the dish down along with a couple extra plates and utensils as Yeri ran out quickly. She laughed at her employee’s antics, knowing that she’d work extra hard to make up for her missed time. 

“She could befriend anyone, that girl…”

Joohyun laughed, then looked at the dish in front of her. Her eyes went wide.

“_Jjajangmyeon_? _Omo_, you can order this here?”

“Well, it isn’t actually on the menu but I have been craving it for days…”

“This is why _Gomdori_ is my favourite restaurant, it’s like you can read my mind. I have been craving this too!”

Seulgi grinned, happy with Joohyun’s excited reaction. 

The two began to eat, splitting the dish in half. Despite being virtual strangers, their conversation flowed easily.

Seulgi asked Joohyun about her move to the city. Joohyun explained it had been for work and divulged that it had been hard to meet new people and make friends in the new place. Seulgi sympathized and told her that making friends with Yeri meant she was now friends with half of Seoul. 

Joohyun asked Seulgi about her own life, so she shared too - about how the restaurant started and her love for the team she’d been able to get together. She also gushed a bit about her girlfriend. Just a little though, because she was mindful of the fact that unfortunately, some people were _still _uncomfortable with same-sex relationships. 

Seulgi was relieved when Joohyun didn’t seem phased at all. 

“How about you? Any boyfriend you left in Daegu or a guy somewhere that you’re with?” Seulgi asked.

Joohyun cackled, loud and bright, and a _little_ startling, but her smile was stunning and genuine and it reminded Seulgi of sunshine. 

“What?” Seulgi asked, confused. 

“The only thing I’ve ever been with a man is irritated,” Joohyun replied, deadpanned.

Seulgi tilted her head, confused. She scratched her temple.

“What do you mean?”

Joohyun raised an eyebrow and laughed. “I don’t have a boyfriend; I’ve never had a boyfriend. I will never have a boyfriend.” 

Seulgi’s eyes widened.

_What?! _

“You’re gay!?” Seulgi asked in an outburst, almost incredulously.

“Duh,” Joohyun said, proudly. She even sat up a little, almost defiantly. “Did you mistake me for a straight person? That’s upsetting. This is coming out of your tips.”

Seulgi laughed. “My apologies.”

They continued to chat through their meal and Seulgi was struck by how nice it felt. Despite knowing her for just a few brief moments throughout the last few weeks, Seulgi felt comfortable around her - like they were old friends. They had so much in common - and not just the gay thing (but it _did_ make Seulgi like the woman even more).

The only point against Joohyun came when Seulgi divulged her favourite movie.

“You’ve never seen _Before Sunrise_?”

“Umm… I’ve never even heard of _Before Sunrise_,” Joohyun answered, confused. “Are you testing me? Did you make it up?”

“What?! Seriously?! It’s been called one of the best romantic films of all time!”

“By who? You?”

“No! Legitimate journalists! _Aigoo_, _unnie_, it’s an amazing love story. You _have_ to see it!”

“Is it about two women?”

Seulgi shook her head. “Well, _okay_, that’s one thing it _doesn’t_ have. But it’s still _so _lovely and romantic. It’s about two people who’ve just met, they connect and they fall in love _in a day_. Doesn’t that sound _romantic?!_”

“Meh,” Joohyun said, boredly. She had a glint in her eyes though and Seulgi could tell that Joohyun was enjoying riling her up. It made the chef feel even more aghast. 

“‘_Meh_’?! Seriously?! Ethan Hawke! Julie Delpy!”

“Bae Joohyun! Kang Seulgi! I can name people too.” Joohyun’s smirk infuriated Seulgi even more - but in a way that made the chef laugh more than it angered her. 

Honestly, this woman was something else. Why was she being resistant to seeing the most _amazing_ movie of all time?! 

“You _have_ to watch it one day. This is an outrage. I went to Austria with Wendy when we were on break from uni because of this movie!”

“Oh my god, you’re such a dork. It’s a good thing you’re a great chef, because I don’t know if I can handle this.”

Even though Joohyun committed a cardinal friendship sin in Seulgi’s books, she was really forgiving (and _maybe_ Joohyun’s mischievous but cute grin made a difference).

In what felt like no time, their plates were cleared and it was time for Seulgi to go back to work and for Joohyun to, “rewatch _The Good Wife _and cry over how pretty Kim Dan is.” 

Before she left, Seulgi gave Joohyun an extra treat - a little takeaway box of _yakgwa_. The way she smiled at her with wide eyes in surprise over Seulgi’s small gift made the chef beam with pride.

“I’ll see you around, Joohyun-_unnie_?”

“See you later, Chef Seulgi-ya.”

For some reason, Seulgi stood at the doorway to watch Joohyun’s retreating form. 

That night was how the tradition of Seulgi making special dishes for Joohyun began. Little did she know, the chef would continue to make special dishes for her for the rest of her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is cross-posted from AFF.
> 
> PLEASE DO NOT REPOST THIS/CONVERT THIS ANYWHERE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


	6. Chapter 6

Everything changed for Seulgi the moment their lips touched. 

It was like she’d been dying for fresh air her whole life, just breathing in smog. Upon kissing Joohyun again, she was finally able to breathe.

The first time they ever kissed was desperate and needy; it left Seulgi in a daze. In its own way it was the right kiss for that moment. But now, she realized that she neglected to take in every bit of detail that she should’ve been cherishing since then.

Like Joohyun’s soft, welcoming lips. The way she tenderly held her body against Seulgi’s, so close that she could feel her heart beating strongly against her chest. The way she sighed, as soon as her lips parted. The gentle hum of appreciation that lingered in the air when Seulgi slowly and tentatively traced her bottom lip with her tongue, seeking entry. The way Joohyun granted it, and deepened the kiss further by threading her fingers through Seulgi’s hair.

This time it was Seulgi’s groan, involuntary and almost primal, that broke them both from the reverie. Seulgi took one look at Joohyun, who was breathing heavily and blushing deeply, and knew she had to restrain herself from going too far. 

Joohyun spoke first. 

“Wow.” 

It was breathless and airy and devastatingly sexy in how innocent it sounded. 

“Yeah. Wow,” Seulgi said, matching Joohyun’s tone.

The office worker peppered kisses along Seulgi’s cheek to her lips before pulling back slightly, her arms still around Seulgi’s neck, her fingers caressing the sensitive skin on the nape of Seulgi’s neck.

“Well. We should keep doing that at some point.”

“At some point?”

“Seulgi-ya,” she said, and the way she said it made Seulgi want to hear it over and over again, but in the breathy and demanding way that she could just _imagine_ Joohyun saying it. “I’m afraid if we don’t stop now, we’ll do something that we both may not be ready for.”

“Yeah… You’re right.”

“I want to. I really do.” Joohyun reaches up and tucked a strand of Seulgi’s hair behind her ear. The gentle touch reassured her. “You have no idea how badly I want you.”

“I can imagine; I bet I want you even more.” Seulgi leaned into the touch, then nodded. “But you’re right. I was _just _freaking out about kissing you, so let’s… pause here.”

“Exactly. Just a pause; not a stop.”

They spent the rest of the night watching a rerun of _Running Man_ \- both of them barely paying attention, as they kept distracting one another. They shared shy, tentative kisses throughout the night, giggling with each other like bashful schoolgirls before anything went too far or became too intense. 

Soon they realized it was well past midnight. Joohyun insisted that Seulgi stay the night. It had been raining for most of the evening and she argued that the streets would be too slippery and dangerous for Seulgi to drive home in. Seulgi only agreed to stay because she knew that the _real_ reason Joohyun wanted the chef to spend the night was because of her fear of thunder and lightning.

Of course, it was a completely innocent evening. Despite their progressing relationship, the invitation felt more like a slumber party. They were conscious of their own boundaries, so they got ready for bed separately, with Seulgi borrowing Joohyun’s pajamas. It _was_ a little exciting for Seulgi to be wearing Joohyun’s clothes. Not in a sexy way, but in a way that kind of reminded her of being held close on a cold night.

They fell asleep on opposite sides of the bed. However, the morning revealed that at some point during the night, it changed. 

Seulgi woke up relaxed and warm. She felt more at peace than she had in months - _years_, even. It was like all the stress and anxiety she had felt in the past completely melted away. 

She slowly opened her eyes and was immediately greeted by the source of her peace - the most beautiful vision she’d ever seen. It was a sleeping Joohyun, who was curled up next to her. She was completely barefaced; there was no trace of the stress of life and work that had lately shadowed her face. 

Seulgi felt privileged to see her with her guard down. 

She was mirroring Seulgi’s position - on her side, facing Seulgi, so close to her that they were sharing a pillow. The only difference was her little arm that was slung across Seulgi’s waist. It was like Joohyun was trying to keep her near, even in her sleep.

She didn’t need to worry, of course; Seulgi wasn’t going anywhere.

Joohyun looked content. Seulgi felt nothing in the world could disturb this moment, nothing at all-

“-Should I keep pretending to sleep so you can keep staring creepily,” Joohyun spoke up, her sudden wakefulness startling Seulgi, “Or can I open my eyes and stare back at you?” 

Joohyun’s eyes snapped open, not waiting for a response, a smirk gracing her face. 

Seulgi felt the temperature in the room increase.

“How long were you awake for?” she asked, a little embarrassed. 

“Hey, don’t blush - it was cute. Weird, but cute.”

Seulgi’s face disobeyed and reddened even more.

“Can you blame me?” Seulgi asked, with a pout. “It’s not every day I get to wake up to the most beautiful woman in the world.”

They stared at each other, for a beat, then dissolved into giggles.

“Why are you so greasy?” Joohyun asked. 

“I blame Wendy and Sooyoung; they’re bad influences,” Seulgi said. She trailed off and then for a beat went silent. It allowed Seulgi to stare into her eyes, which she appreciated. 

“Hey. Good morning,” Joohyun said. She smiled small - bashful, even. It endeared her to Seulgi even more. 

“Good morning,” Seulgi said. She realized, a little self-consciously, that she might have morning breath. Sunmi always hated it, so Seulgi leaned away from Joohyun a little, and covered her mouth.

Joohyun raised her eyebrows and looked at her like she was being cute. She wasn’t being _cute_, she was being courteous!

“What are you doing?” 

“I’m covering my mouth,” Seulgi said, speaking from behind her hand.

“I see that. Why?”

“Because it’s morning and I have morning breath.” Seulgi was kind of shocked by Joohyun’s lack of reaction. Her hand faltered a bit. “It’s gross.”

“So?” Joohyun said, her expression still soft. “I do too, are you grossed out by me?”

“No, but that’s different. What if my gross breath grosses you out beyond repair and you don’t want to see me anymore?”

“Because you, like every other human in the world, get morning breath?”

“Yes.”

“Shut up and kiss me, Seulgi-ya,” Joohyun said, before leaning forward and pressing their lips together.

It took a moment for Seulgi relax into Joohyun’s sweet, chaste morning kiss, but when she did, she really couldn’t believe what she had been missing. 

It was soft and gentle, and exactly right. It was the best way to start the day. 

“See? That wasn’t so bad.” Joohyun said, as she pulled away.

It was really perfect. 

...but Seulgi couldn’t help but tease the super cute woman in her arms. 

“...For you it wasn’t,” the chef fake gagged.

Joohyun laughed and pushed her away. “No more kisses for you, Kang Seulgi!”

“No, I’m sorry, come back!”

Fortunately, Seulgi was able to pull back Joohyun back into her arms, who laughed and settled her head on her chest. 

It was such a perfect moment - but something struck Seulgi as odd. She realized one minor...small...detail that she hadn’t considered yet.

_What were they? _

“Hey, does this mean I can call you my girlfriend?” she asked, shyly. 

“What?” Joohyun peered her head up, looking a little confused.

“Just - we haven’t put a label on what we are…”

“_Omo_, you’re so old fashioned,” Joohyun laughed, laying her head back on Seulgi’s chest. She intertwined their fingers on Seulgi’s stomach. “Have you been seeing anyone else?”

“God, no.”

“Good, me neither. So we’re just dating each other?”

“Yeah.”

“And we agree to remain faithful and monogamous?”

“Yes, absolutely.”

Joohyun hummed thoughtfully then perched back up on her side, leaning her head on her elbow. She beamed at Seulgi. 

“You’re kind of adorable, did you know that? I thought it’s been pretty obvious.” 

Seulgi pouted.

“Joohyun, you know I need things spelled out for me sometimes.”

The office worker rolled her eyes then gently pressed her lips to Seulgi’s cheek. When she pulled away, Joohyun’s smile had a fondness that made Seulgi feel like the most important person in the world. And maybe to Joohyun, she was - because she definitely felt that way about her. 

“I want you. I want you, only you, and I don’t want to share you with anyone else. Will you be my girlfriend?”

All Seulgi could do was nod and smile - the special smile she reserved for Joohyun, one that she hoped communicated just how special Joohyun was to her. 

“I’m so lucky,” Joohyun said, after a moment of silence, her matching smile not leaving her face. She traced her fingers along Seulgi’s face, up and down her temple to her chin, like she wanted to commit every inch of her to her memory. 

“What are you talking about? I’m the lucky one.”

“You don’t get it, Seulgi-ya. This is such a dream; being with you like this is more than I ever expected. I’m so happy right now.”

“Me too. You make me so happy.”

The feeling of falling in love was like a freefall without a parachute. It was thrilling and exciting - but also terrifying. You had no control. You just needed to let go and hope that you’d be caught before you reached the bottom.

And falling for Joohyun, Seulgi was fearless. 

  
  


\----------------------------

  
  


Seulgi was stuck inside, trying to focus on getting work done (but failing). It was a hot summer day, and refreshing plates of _jjimdak_ and _naengmyeon_ were constantly streaming out of the kitchen. Unfortunately for Seulgi, she wasn’t able to participate in the cooking of the said dishes, as she was busy in the back office. 

It was her least favourite part of the job. She would rather be cooking than going through boring financial statements for their accountant. 

She looked at the picture frame she’d recently placed at her desk - a selfie of Joohyun and her that was taken when they went on an impromptu walk along the Han River together. She stared at Joohyun’s grinning face and felt wistful; even though she’d seen her just a few days ago, she still missed her. 

Seulgi continued to cook for her. In the best relationships she could think of - her parents, for example - they never stopped trying to woo one another. Her father would always go out of his way to surprise her mother with little romantic gestures, like flowers and gifts. Her mother always sent him off with love letters and notes when she would pack him lunch.

It was that example, and the other amazing relationships she had observed (including Wendy and Sooyoung’s), that Seulgi kept as her inspiration. 

In fact, Seulgi was considering slacking off and getting Wendy to finish up some of the work so she could go surprise Joohyun, when she got a knock on her office door. 

On the other side of it was the woman she couldn’t get off her mind.

“Do you have a spare moment, Chef Kang?” Joohyun asked, coyly. 

“_Omo_, I was _just_ thinking about you!” Seulgi rushed forward and wrapped her arms around Joohyun, lifting her up in the embrace. Joohyun squealed a little when her feet came off the ground. “I missed you.”

“I can tell,” Joohyun said, with a giggle. She gave Seulgi a brief peck when Seulgi put her down, before stepping inside and closing the door behind her. 

“What brings you here?”

“Well, I was busy at work and I realized something...”

“What’s that?”

Joohyun pushed Seulgi down on her office chair and then joined her on it, perching on the chef’s lap. Seulgi gulped.

“I missed you.”

Then Joohyun drew Seulgi’s lips in with a kiss, which Seulgi _immediately_ reciprocated. After all, if Joohyun travelled through rush hour traffic in Seoul just to see her, who was she to reject her _incredibly _soft lips?!

This was _much _more interesting than the financial statements for their accountant. 

The chef was quickly discovering that her girlfriend was _such_ a tease. Up until this moment, they had just been sharing small, shy kisses here and there. But now? Joohyun was too much for Seulgi to resist.

She gasped into the kiss as Joohyun gave her coy pecks and nips, bringing their lips together but only just. She shook slightly as she felt Joohyun smile against her lips and tightened her hold on the chef’s collar. Joohyun was definitely in control, setting the pace and urgency, which made Seulgi feel like she was being slowly set on fire. 

Seulgi kept trying to deepen the kiss, eagerly swiping her tongue over Joohyun’s bottom lip, and after a few near successes, Joohyun pulled away. 

Her grin was equally adorable and sexy and Seulgi had no idea how she did it. 

How could one person completely disarm her like this?

“Did you really just come here to make out with me?” Seulgi asked, as Joohyun’s smile just got bigger and somehow even more mischievous. 

Joohyun quirked her head and playfully asked, “Is that a problem?”

“Absolutely not.”

Joohyun finally answered Seulgi’s silent requests and deepened the kiss, in an almost torturous way. With every taste of Joohyun’s tongue and the slight pain that she got from the office worker’s fingers tangled in her hair, Seulgi was hooked.

While it was well over 30 degrees outside, Seulgi felt like the temperature burned even hotter in her tiny office when Joohyun swung her leg over to straddle the chef. Then she pushed her head back then dove right into Seulgi’s neck, making the chef cry out. The sound seemed to have provoked Joohyun to take even more assertive action - she began to gently bite and lick at Seulgi’s neck, eliciting whimpers from both of them.

The room felt too small, too hot; the chef thought she had too many layers of clothes on, there was too much separating herself from Joohyun.

Seulgi couldn’t help herself - she found her hands sliding from Joohyun’s hips, up her back, slipping underneath the shirt. The feeling of Joohyun’s _impossibly_ soft skin made her head spin even more.

She needed to feel more. 

She moved her fingers forward and around to Joohyun’s flat and toned stomach. She slowly inched her fingers upwards to finally touch-

_“-Seulgi-ya, your parents are here! _Oh _damn_ _it_ you guys, I can’t unsee that!” 

Wendy stood at the door, now wide open, with an exaggerated frown on her face. 

And like they were doused with a bucket of ice water, the girls pulled away from each other, Joohyun immediately standing and readjusting her top. Seulgi would’ve yelled at her business partner if she didn’t look so hilariously devastated to have walked in on them.

“Do you _do_ that here?” Wendy asked, with a fake cry. “I use that chair too…”

Seulgi couldn’t help but laugh. She shrugged sheepishly, in a non-apology. 

Then she realized what Wendy said when they were interrupted.

“Wait. My _parents_ are here?”

“Yeah. And it’s a good thing I decided to seat them instead of sending them back here to see their only daughter participate in such...explicit behaviour…” Wendy said. She turned to Joohyun. “Have you met her parents yet?”

The office worker shook her head. 

“I’ve met her mother, but I haven’t seen her since we started dating...”

“Well, first step in impressing parents - don’t meet them while you both look like you were fending off a wild beast. You _might_ want to look at a mirror...fix your make up. And your clothes. And your hair,” Wendy said, gesturing at the both of them in general circles. She turned to leave the room, but added on the way out, “I’ll let them know you’ll be out to see them, Seulgi!”

With the door shut behind them, the two let out simultaneous sighs. 

“I guess we should fix ourselves up before we head out?” Joohyun asked. “If how you look is any indication of how _I _look...”

Seulgi quirked an eyebrow then pulled out her iPhone, putting on the front-facing camera.

And..._yeah_. Her untamed, wild hair along with her smudged lipstick were both dead giveaways. Her shirt was even askew, tugged down to reveal a couple new hickies.

“_Omo_, Joohyun, I look like I was _attacked_.”

“What about _me?!” _Joohyun cried, also looking at her own reflection in her phone. Her usually pristine hair and makeup looked almost as disheveled as Seulgi’s. “Your parents are going to think we’re animals…” 

The two tried to fix themselves as best as they could. Before they left the room, Seulgi took Joohyun’s hands in her own. 

“Are you sure you want to meet my parents?” she asked, not wanting to pressure her.

“Do _you_ want me to meet them?” Joohyun asked. She looked a little insecure.

“Of course I do. Look, I don’t want to rush you into anything. If you think it’s too fast or you’re not comfortable, then just let me know, I’ll understand. Just…my parents should meet the woman who makes me happy,” Seulgi said, reassuringly. She gently tucked a loose strand of hair behind Joohyun’s ear, then tenderly cupped her cheek. “Whether you meet them today or a month from now or a year from now, it doesn’t change the fact that you’re going to be part of my life for a long time.”

Joohyun sighed, as if letting go of all her tension. She thought about it for a moment. 

“I’ll meet them,” she said, nervously. “But just so you know - this...this will be my first time meeting any girlfriend’s parents. This is uncharted territory for me...”

“They’ll _love_ you.” Seulgi made the promise with a kiss to Joohyun’s forehead. “My mom already liked you, before, remember? You two became best friends in a second…”

Joohyun grinned. “Right. She showed me the baby Seulgi pictures, and the cute picture of you hugging the can of Pringles…”

Seulg groaned. “She showed you _that_? Why does she have it on her phone…” 

In terms of ‘meeting the parents’, it went pretty well. Joohyun was shy - it was quite a sight to see, as she was often reserved, but rarely so quiet. Seulgi really underestimated how nervous her girlfriend was to meet her parents - but as soon as she got more comfortable, everything fit. Joohyun charmed them with her amiable smile and obvious affection for Seulgi, two things that just came naturally to her. 

It was a sight that Seulgi was sure she’d get used to seeing one day - her parents and her love, sitting around a table, sharing a meal and laughing together.

Still, Seulgi was a little embarrassed by her parent’s cooing over Joohyun. 

“I’m glad my daughter finally got the courage to do something about her crush on you,” her mother said, as she slid some _dububuchim-yangnyeomjang _onto Joohyun’s plate. “Eat more, you’re very skinny, my dear.”

“_Umma!” _Seulgi whined. 

“This is _her_?” her father asked, seemingly clueing in. He turned to his wife. “Is Joohyun-_ssi_ the girl you were telling me about? The one our princess likes?”

“_Appa! _You’re talking about me like I’m twelve again!” Seulgi put her head in her hands; Joohyun patted her shoulder comfortingly but grinned. 

“She had a crush on me?” Joohyun asked with an encouraging smile, goading Seulgi’s parent’s on to share more. 

“Joohyun-_ssi_, I’ve never seen my daughter look at someone with so much longing in her life,” her mother divulged. Once again, Seulgi just wanted the ground to swallow her up. Her parents were always so good at embarrassing her. “I’m glad that she managed to woo you - you both make such a beautiful pair.” 

She patted Joohyun’s cheek affectionately. 

Her father replied with an enthusiastic nod. “Yes - our princess has found her queen!”

“_Oh my god_, why are you two like this?!” Seulgi cried.

At the end of their meal, when Joohyun excused herself to go to the washroom, Seulgi’s parents gave their honest opinion about her.

They loved her. 

They talked about how Seulgi’s dynamic with Joohyun was good - that Seulgi seemed completely comfortable around her. They told her that they’d never seen Seulgi so smitten but that it was also clear that Joohyun returned those feelings fully.

Before they left, they invited Joohyun to their next family gathering - not without a little warning.

“In the words of my princess, sometimes our family kind of ‘_sucks’,” _Seulgi’s _appa_ said, echoing her description from before. 

“But with a wonderful girl like you part of it,” her _umma_ continued, “you’ll make our family even better.”

\--------------------------------

Today was a critical day in her relationship with Joohyun. 

Seulgi had been _so_ worried. More worried than she’d been in ages. In the days prior, she had been second-guessing herself. 

Was it too soon? Was she ready? Should she cancel? What she was about to do was possibly the most serious thing she could do with someone she was dating. But if it went well… it would prove to her that Joohyun was ‘the one’. 

Today was the day that Seulgi introduced Joohyun to the most important people in her life. 

Her students. 

Obviously. 

Okay, it might’ve been a bit of a stretch, but they _did_ mean a lot to her. Working with them made such an impact on her and she wanted to share it with her favourite person. 

On the one hand, she was excited. She loved teaching and was always bragging about how good her students were. On the other hand, this was more nerve-wracking for her than when she introduced Joohyun to her parents. The kids were tough. They saw through all the bullshit. 

What if Joohyun didn’t like them? What if _they_ didn’t like her? 

Fortunately, the sleepless night before proved to be all for nothing, because it had been going _incredibly _well. 

_Thank god._

First, she made sure they were making something exciting and new (and something that she knew Joohyun really liked): macarons. Everyone’s impressed _‘ooohs’_ and _‘ahhhs’_ as she went through the steps even elevated her own mood. 

Second, her students and Joohyun got along _really_ well. The kids were funny and charming, as usual. And they were on their best behavior - possibly because they wanted to impress their pretty new guest. Or even because they just seemed to really like Joohyun. 

And of course they would - Joohyun was a _natural_. When Seulgi started with them she was a little shy and awkward. But not Joohyun - she was playful and fun, but also helpful and patient. She didn’t talk down to them, which was something Seulgi often saw with other adults. 

In fact, Seulgi was a little concerned that her students liked _her_ more than they did the chef.

While their meringues were cooling and they were preparing their macaron filling, she realized that she overlooked one _major_ thing that should’ve concerned her.

The teasing. 

“Bae-_seonsaengnim, _do you have a boyfriend?” Gowon asked Joohyun, always the first of the group to ask the intrusive questions. A few of the other kids perked up, blatantly curious about her answer.

Joohyun smiled and shook her head. “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Do you have a girlfriend?” Chenle followed up. As usual, he was trying to be inclusive with his questioning, and he grinned smugly at Gowon. 

“Why are you guys so interested in other people’s business?!” Seulgi interjected before Joohyun could answer. 

“Because, Chef Kang, we think you’d be a great girlfriend and that Bae-_seonsaengnim_ should date you!” Renjun, another student, said excitedly. 

Seulgi sighed, knowing that when the kids got like this they were hard to calm down. The chef turned to Joohyun and gave her an apologetic look - but to her surprise, Joohyun was grinning. 

“Should I _really_ date her?” Joohyun asked the children. Unsurprisingly, a chorus of ‘yes!’ came as the response. 

“You should!” Yeojin said, over the voices. “She’s been single for so long!”

Then Donghyuck piped up. “She would be a great girlfriend for you, she’s a very good cook.”

“And she’s nice to us!” Hyejoo added. 

Joohyun laughed then held her hands up, to hush the excited group of kids. 

“Well, you guys did bring up a few good arguments. I’ll think about it - she _does_ sound amazing,” Joohyun said. And with a coy smile to the chef and a wink to the kids, she added, “Plus she’s _really_ pretty.”

The kids immediately responded with a few cheers and hollers. Seulgi didn’t appreciate her face’s involuntary blush - mostly because the kids quickly noticed and started teasing her about it, even more than ever before. 

At the end of the class, the kids were sent home with their own little boxes of macarons to enjoy - and Joohyun had one for herself, of course. When the last child left with her parents, excitedly talking about the macarons and shipping (which confused the chef, because not once did she talk about mailing out packages), Seulgi was able to ask Joohyun how she felt. She was thrilled by her response. 

“That was so fun! They’re so funny. And they adore you,” Joohyun enthused. “You’re so good with them, Seulgi. You’re an amazing teacher.” 

Suddenly, Joohhyun looked like she had a great idea. 

“This is random, but remember how I’ve been stressed out at work and I hate everything?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I think I just thought of a solution to my biggest problem.”

“What is it?”

“I’m in charge of a fundraiser event and I’ve been having a difficult time finding auction items. I was wondering if I could auction _you_.”

“What?!” 

“Not like _that_, you weirdo. I mean Chef Kang! Maybe you could make the highest bidder a nice meal or a private cooking class. I saw you with those kids, you’d be a perfect teacher.”

Seulgi’s initial reaction was to decline - she didn’t think she’d be worth much… 

“I don’t know if anyone would be interested...” 

“Are you _kidding_? When people find out that I’m dating you, they freak out. People keep asking me to get them reservations at _Gomdori._”

“Whoa, really?” 

“Yes, really!” Joohyun said. “Plus you’re beautiful - who _wouldn’t_ want a private lesson from you?”

“So you _are_ auctioning my body off?”

Joohyun rolled her eyes. “Stop being weird.”

Seulgi thought about it - Joohyun had _really_ been stressed by this work gala, for weeks. This was the first time she’d talked about the event without looking like she wanted to rip out her hair. 

If this was something she could do for her, to help feel less burdened about the event, the chef would do it. 

“Okay. I’ll do it!”

“You’ll stop being weird or you’ll let me auction off a private cooking class with you?” Joohyun asked. 

“The latter; I can’t promise I’ll stop being weird. I like _you_ after all.”

Joohyun gave Seulgi a very deserved shove in response.

(And a kiss as a thank you, so Seulgi felt like she was rewarded appropriately.) 

They began to tidy up the cooking stations - it usually took Seulgi forever to do it but with Joohyun’s help, they finished quickly. The topic of children came up, along with the fact that other than her strange little cousins, Seulgi never had any experience with them prior to working with the students. That shocked Joohyun - she thought Seulgi was an expert.

“I never really had a reason to be around kids. Plus before, Sunmi _hated_ kids. So I kind of got used to avoiding them…” 

After Seulgi said that, Joohyun looked lost in thought. Seulgi kicked herself. She _knew_ it was not good to have mentioned her ex, but it just slipped out...

They decide to stop by a cafe before Seulgi had to go to _Gomdori_. When they were seated with their drinks, Seulgi apologized.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, Joohyun-ah…” 

She furrowed her brows in confusion. “Why?”

“You seemed upset...I mentioned Sunmi…”

Joohyun shook her head. “No - no, not at all, Seulgi-ya. I was just thinking. I’m sorry if I worried you.”

“It’s okay. Did you have fun today?” the chef asked, still not quite believing her girlfriend.

“Yes, of course,” she said, with a faraway smile. “Today was wonderful. And you’re saving my life by helping out with the auction.”

“Anything for you, Joohyunnie,” Seulgi said. “You just looked a little distracted.” 

“A little. I was thinking about kids. And the future. Do you ever give thought to,” Joohyun cleared her throat, then continued, vaguely, “the future?”

“Ah. Right.”

Seulgi supposed this was the right time to have a conversation like this come up. Early enough that if their future plans aligned - and if they didn’t, they could move on, cut and dry. Answering this question - without really knowing what Joohyun wanted to hear - was a little daunting. When she had this conversation before - the one and only time she had it - she found herself changing her future plans to match her ex’s. Seulgi didn’t want to do that with Joohyun.

But somehow she knew she could speak honestly and candidly with her.

“I think about the future a lot. Especially lately,” Seulgi admitted. Joohyun smiled small, and her eyes twinkled, an involuntary cue that told Seulgi that she had her undivided attention. “Expanding _Gomdori_. Going on vacation. Spending more time with you. Those are my most immediate future thoughts.”

“Anything beyond that?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well... for example, kids.” Joohyun’s voice was unsure and shy. “You said Sunmi didn’t want kids. Do...you?” 

Joohyun looked worried, and Seulgi didn’t want to sugarcoat her feelings - so she spoke as honestly as she could. “I didn’t think I wanted kids. Maybe it was because of who I was or who I was with. I kind of had a one track mind; I didn’t really know how to divide my attention or my priorities very well…”

Joohyun looked a little crestfallen. 

“You do pretty well with that now...” she offered.

Seulgi reached forward, taking Joohyun’s hands in hers. “Now, _lately_, I can...definitely see myself having a child one day.”

“Yeah?”

“I wasn’t in a relationship before where I thought it’d be a good idea to have one. Not only did she hate kids, but we also had an uneven power dynamic that I didn’t think would be good for parenting… ”

“But now?” 

“I think we’re a team. We lift each other up, we support each other. We bring out the best in each other, I think.” 

“Honestly, Seulgi-ya…” Joohyun paused, like she was trying to choose her words. “I always imagined that I’d have a child one day. But when I did, the picture was fuzzy. I saw myself and a child, but I couldn’t ever really see a partner in that picture. But lately when I’ve been thinking about my future… the picture is clearer than before. And it’s myself, a child...and...my partner.” 

Seulgi began to tear up.

Joohyun saw herself having kids with _her_. 

Seulgi was a fixture in Joohyun’s future plans. She had never been more proud of who she’d become.

All she could do in response was kiss her. 

  
  


\----

  
  


When Seulgi agreed to help Joohyun, she didn’t _quite_ imagine herself at a gala in a very fancy and a _little _short black dress, feeling a bit on display. When she walked in, she saw a big image of her face, blown up, alongside a few other major auction items - like a shopping spree, a trip to Hawaii, and a _car_. 

For some reason, a private cooking class and meal with little ole Seulgi was up against a damn _mode of transportation._ It freaked her out a little. 

Fortunately, she was immediately distracted when Joohyun greeted her. She had to keep herself from drooling over how _incredible_ Joohyun looked. She looked like an Idol. 

Joohyun was in a stunning black gown that made her look regal and expensive. The dress hung off her shoulders, revealing Joohyun’s clavicles, which - _by the way_ \- was entirely rude of her, because Joohyun _knew_ how much they drove her crazy. And even though her heels were high, Seulgi’s were too. Joohyun was still shorter than her, which the chef loved. 

She could still wrap her arms around her and keep her safe from the world.

“Have I mentioned that you look beautiful tonight?” Seulgi asked. She draped her arm around her shoulders, bringing her girlfriend closer to her. 

“Not yet. I could stand to hear it a few times though, if you like,” Joohyun said with a faux tone of arrogance, leaning back into Seulgi’s embrace. The chef kissed Joohyun’s temple then spoke in a low, hushed voice into her girlfriend’s ear. 

“You, Bae Joohyun, look _so_ beautiful that I actually can’t look directly at you. You’re so stunning, that my poor, flawed, human eyes can’t look directly at your angelic, other-worldly perfection.”

Joohyun laughed.

“Wow. Greasy.”

“Honestly, I’m having a hard time focusing on anything other than you. I’m...in awe that you’re here with me.”

“Sure, charmer.” 

“What? It’s true.” 

“Then for what it’s worth?” Joohyun turned and leaned in, whispering in Seulgi’s ear. With every word, her lips brushed the shell of Seulgi’s ear, “you’re making my job difficult tonight. You, in that little dress, is driving me crazy. All I want to do is run my hands up your legs; they look like they’re miles long...”

The chef felt like she short-circuited at Joohyun’s confession. She stuttered in response, her voice cracking a little. “W-w-when can we leave?”

Joohyun let out a shaky breath, their flirtation also having gotten to her. 

“We have to be here until the very end.”

“Damn it.” 

“I know, I know,” she said, returning Seulgi’s embrace fully. “But if you’re good, then maybe we can celebrate after.”

“Yeah? How?”

Before Joohyun could answer, her assistant Jinsoul approached them with a look of worry on her face. 

“Uh, Irene-_ssi_, there’s a minor issue at the back that we need help with. The interns seemed to have lost our emcee’s script.”

Joohyun rolled her eyes, disentangling herself from Seulgi’s embrace. “Ugh, damn teenagers. This is _exactly_ why I made copies. I’ll go get them.”

“Do you need help?” the chef asked, as Joohyun gave her an apologetic smile. 

“No, no - don’t worry. Enjoy the _hors d'oeuvres_ and get a drink. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“I’ll be waiting.” 

Seulgi watched Joohyun walk away - she wasn’t joking when she said she had a hard time taking her eyes off her - then found her way to the auction display area. 

She noticed quite a few people - women, mostly - ogling her poster and flipping to her page in the program. Some of them were even reading her biography out loud to their friends. A little embarrassed, Seulgi quickly went to the bar, hoping none of them noticed her. 

She needed a drink. Just one - enough to calm her nerves but keep her wits sharp. 

Seulgi spent a few moments nursing her whiskey (neat) at an empty cocktail table. She kept her head down. She noticed a few women already recognizing her. The scrutiny made her a little uncomfortable. She was usually fine with attention - public speaking was no issue. But the...gawking eyes? That was different. 

“You looked lonely, so I thought I’d come share a drink with you.”

A beautiful woman with sharp features placed her drink next to Seulgi’s and stood close. Seulgi took a little step back - trying to not appear rude, but still wanting to maintain her distance. 

“Oh. Well, I’m not lonely. Just alone. But thank you,” Seulgi said, with a polite nod. 

“Are you the woman who’s being auctioned?”

If anyone else had said it that way, she would’ve been a little offended. It made her sound like she was participating in some sort of ‘Sell a Wench’ event. But this woman’s eyes - friendly, if not a little mischievous - told Seulgi that she meant no offence. Seulgi laughed instead, then corrected her. 

“I’m the _chef_ who’s cooking classes are up for auction, yes.”

“Hmm,” the woman nodded. “The picture is beautiful, but wow. It doesn’t really do you justice.”

“Thank you.”

“And your bio was impressive, but I must admit - I haven’t yet had the pleasure of eating at your restaurant.”

“Well, you should come! We love having new patrons.”

“I definitely will, if you’ll be there.” The woman said it with a sparkle in her eyes, and Seulgi realized what had been going on.

_Oh gosh. _She was flirting with her.

Seulgi involuntarily stiffened then threw back her drink - probably a bad idea, because it made her cough a bit - then stepped away from the woman.

Fortunately - like Seulgi let out a distress signal or something - Jinsoul approached the two, informing Seulgi that the auction was to begin soon. 

Seulgi bowed formally at the woman, who grinned back at her - seemingly charmed even more - then she scampered away, behind Jinsoul. She was led to the back room, where the different sponsors were practising their auction presentation speech. 

Hers would be a little different than theirs. Instead of presenting the features of the brand new car or the details of the vacation package in Maui, the emcee would be asking her questions. Joohyun gave her the questions in advance, so Seulgi pulled out her phone and began practising her responses in her head. 

“Thanks again for volunteering to do this, Seulgi,” Joohyun said, interrupting the chef’s preparation with a surprise. The office worker slid up next to her, placing her hand on the small of Seulgi’s back, calming her immediately. 

Seulgi gave Joohyun a kiss on the cheek, then went back to her notes. 

“I feel like I didn’t volunteer, so much as you volun-told me to do this,” she said, skimming her answer to ‘_Why did you become a chef?’_

“Hush,” Joohyun said. “You’re a willing participant.”

Seulgi pouted, finally putting her phone away. “What if no one buys me? I’m against a trip to _Hawaii_.”

“Seulgi-ya, this isn’t a competition,” Joohyun reminded her. “Plus, you don’t have to worry. I overheard a few of the _ahjumma’s_ looking over your profile and swooning. You’re quite the girl crush.”

“I shouldn’t have let you write the bio. I don’t know how my hobbies are relevant.”

“The fact that you’re athletic and you can dance _and_ you work with kids, _on top_ of running a successful and acclaimed restaurant is worth bragging about.”

“I guess. Whatever, I hope I can help you raise a lot of money.”

In what seemed like no time at all, it was Seulgi’s turn to go up. Joohyun promised that she’d be supporting her from the sidelines. Before she left, Seulgi made Joohyun promise that she would bid if no one else bid on her.

A minor, but embarrassing, comfort. 

However, as soon as Seulgi walked out on stage, the audience was enthusiastic with their applause.

It was kind of crazy. 

Seulgi gave a sheepish wave to the crowd and smiled - which made the women in the audience swoon even more.

Key, the emcee for the evening, started off with the introduction. “Today’s eighth auction item is brought to you by the esteemed chef at _Gomdori Restaurant_, here in Seoul…”

As Key rattled off highlights from her bio to the audience, Seulgi looked out. First she saw Joohyun, standing on the sidelines, as promised. They shared grins, before Seulgi looked out at the crowd. 

There were a few particularly loud wolf-whistles coming from a group of fancy-looking philanthropists, who looked like they’d been enjoying a few too many glasses of wine. That particular group of older women intimidated Seulgi quite a bit.

But not as much as the woman who she’d been speaking to earlier, who had stepped forward - not too close to the stage, but close enough that Seulgi could feel her intense stare.

Seulgi pulled her gaze away from that woman and back to Key, who had just addressed her with a question. 

“So, Chef Kang. It says here that your hobbies include teaching kids how to cook. I’m sure everyone here would love to hear more!”

A couple excited cheers were let out - notably from the group at the back. 

“Oh, a customer at _Gomdori_ had a program for kids who were from low income families, to learn different skills. They asked me if I could volunteer to teach a cooking class for them, and I said yes. It was something I had never done before, but I’d been pushing myself to try things out of my comfort zone and...well, I love it. Teaching them is one of the best things in my life,” Seugi said - and there were a few audible ‘_aww’s_ from the crowd. “I hope to use some of the skills that I learned in teaching the kids how to cook with teaching any of you lovely people.”

The audience laughed at her cute answer and then immediately applauded. Seulgi felt like an Idol. 

“I mentioned your education - very impressive, by the way - but I wanted to know: what inspired you to become a chef?” 

“My grandmother did,” she said. And before she could elaborate, the audience broke out into a chorus of swooning that made Seulgi blush.

“And one final question before we begin the auction. If you could learn to cook one thing, what would it be?” 

“It would be _miyeok-guk._ I already know how to make it, technically - my grandmother taught me ages ago. But even so, someone once made it for me and...well...it kind of changed my life. So I want to learn how to make it _her_ way.” 

_“Can I bid on a date with her?”_ one woman yelled, before Key could reply. 

_“Can I propose to her?!”_ another yelled.

_“What about me? What if she likes men?!” _one man joined in. 

The crowd broke out into laughter. Seulgi just smiled self-consciously. 

“This isn’t a dating service, everyone,” Key said, clearing his throat. “This is a respectable auction that will raise money for an _incredible_ charity, and Chef Kang is nice enough to support it. Although I do understand - she is _quite_ the catch!”

Key threw her a joking wink, which made Seulgi break out into laughter. She was thankful for him - despite the weird display she was having to put on, he helped her feel at ease. 

Her eyes searched for her girlfriend, but she wasn’t at the side stage anymore. 

Before she could think about it, Key announced that the auction would begin. 

And the numbers started flying. The _won_ rose higher and higher - much higher than what Seulgi valued the cooking lesson to be worth. It seemed to shock even Key, who kept excitedly (and incredulously) calling out new numbers. 

Women’s hands with their auction paddles kept rising until it became a stand-off between a handful of women. 

One of the women included the woman from earlier before. The bold one with sharp features. 

The way she was leering at Seulgi made her feel uneasy. 

As the number neared ₩900,000, Seulgi felt the room spin a little. The highest bids kept coming from that one woman, and she could see the others look a little uneasy. And Seulgi didn’t blame them. 

She couldn’t believe it. Her little class wasn’t worth _that_ much! 

But it didn’t seem like it was going to stop, not until-

“One million _won!_” A decisive voice rang out, causing a few gasps to come out of the audience. 

It was Joohyun, with a paddle of her own, looking at all the women who had previously made bids with a _terrifying_ glare.

It was _kind of_ hot. 

“I feel like I need to remind everyone that Chef Kang valued this class at ₩200,000...” Key mumbled into the microphone. Seulgi looked at Joohyun, aghast. Joohyun didn’t look at her - she just stared defiantly at the other bidders. 

The leering woman from before smirked, then confidently said, “1,100,000.”

Joohyun glared again. “1,200,000.”

“1,500,000.”

Seulgi watched as Joohyun hesitated. The woman grinned at Joohyun, knowing she _got her_. 

The chef felt _horrible_ that she was potentially going to spend this much money on her, but she also felt horrible at the prospect of being sold to the other woman.

₩1,500,000 was _a lot _of money… 

Then a voice - clear as day and completely recognizable to Seulgi - spoke out, from the back of the crowd.

“Two million _won_.” 

It was like a dramatic scene out of a corny romantic comedy. 

The crowd gasped. The leering woman’s eyes widened in shock - Joohyun’s did too, actually.

Stepping forward through the crowd was Sunmi, looking composed and radiant, as she always did. She also looked a little annoyed and she threw the other woman a glare. 

Seulgi was sure she looked silly, like a gaping fish, looking back and forth between the three women. Joohyun stiffened as soon as Sunmi approached - then to Seulgi’s surprise, the two exchanged whispers. She saw Joohyun’s shoulders relax. 

The other woman looked pissed. If looks could kill...

“Going once…” Key said, breaking the silence from the room. 

The woman seemed to consider bidding more… 

“Going twice…”

...but instead, she smiled at Sunmi - it was more like a grimace - and then gave her a nod of reluctant acceptance.

“Sold! To bid number…”

The rest of what Key was saying was drowned out by the applause. Seulgi let out a breath that she didn’t know she was holding before giving the audience one last wave and walking to the back. She passed the Hawaii tour package representative - _that_ trip was worth way more than ₩2,000,000 and she hoped everyone would bid even more money on it - and made her way straight to the couch in the green room.

She plopped down, right in time for Joohyun to quickly enter the room with Sunmi behind her.

_Sunmi_. It had been _months_ since she’d seen her at all.

“What’s going on?!” Seulgi asked, completely confused.

Joohyun and Sunmi exchanged a brief look, then Sunmi spoke. 

“I...I wanted to donate to the Seoul Women’s Crisis Center,” Sunmi said, in all seriousness. 

Seulgi gaped at her, in shock. She looked between the two women. 

“Seriously?!”

Sunmi’s stoic face broke - she started laughing, Joohyun immediately joining in, much to Seulgi’s growing confusion. 

Sunmi went on to explain that she hadn’t realized that Joohyun was part of planning the charity event and that Seulgi would be involved until she arrived. She considered leaving but she decided to stay - she admired the work that the charity did and wanted to contribute. But she didn’t want to distract either woman, so she kept a low profile.

That was, until she saw how uncomfortable Seulgi looked on stage - and how pushy the other woman was.

“When I approached Irene-_ssi,_ I told her not to worry, that I would outbid that woman no matter what,” Sunmi said simply. She smirked, then continued, “And I also told her that I had no untoward intentions. No offence Seulgi, but I’m over you.” 

“Sunmi-_ssi_ \- thank you for helping Seulgi get out of that situation. I know that woman from some of our other events, and she’s quite...intimidating.” 

Seulgi scoffed. “Yeah, just a little,” she said, sarcastically. 

To Seulgi’s surprise, Sunmi’s expression softened. 

“No need to thank me, Irene. I owe _you_ an apology, actually,” Sunmi began. Joohyun’s eyebrows raised at her former boss’ words. “I shouldn’t have treated you poorly when I was your boss; I was unprofessional and borderline cruel to you. I took out a lot of my own insecurities on you, and I’m sorry for that.” 

Joohyun looked stunned - touched, but in complete shock. But Seulgi knew Sunmi’s expressions well, even after all this time - and she knew that her ex-girlfriend was being sincere with her apology.

Fortunately, after a beat - as though Joohyun needed to compose her thoughts - she nodded.

“Thank you, Sunmi-_ssi_, for apologizing.” 

Seulgi sighed in relief but was still uncomfortable by Sunmi’s grand - and expensive - gesture. “Seriously though, you _really_ didn’t need to do that, Sunmi…”

Sunmi waved her hand dismissively. 

“I’m good for it, it’s not a big deal,” she said, always so flippant about money. “I was going to bid on something tonight anyway. Ideally it was going to be the trip to Maui or the spa package, but _why not_ spend it on a cooking class with my ex-girlfriend. I’m sure my girlfriend, Chungha, will _love_ that.”

Seulgi laughed - and fortunately Joohyun did too - as Sunmi dramatically rolled her eyes. 

“Speaking of,” Sunmi continued, “I see you finally got Irene. I’m so glad you got your head out of your-”

“-_Okay there_, Sunmi, I know I was pathetic before,” Seulgi said, stopping Sunmi for continuing her crass language.

The woman just laughed - as both Seulgi and Joohyun blushed - and then shrugged.

“What? I’m glad for you. I saw you two earlier and the love between you two is...palpable,” Sunmi said, a genuinely happy smile appearing on her face. “I’m glad that you have the love that I wasn’t able to give you.” 

The chef was touched - she felt her heart squeeze a little, remembering how Sunmi, at her best, really was a wonderful woman. She just wasn’t the right woman for her. But she hoped that the woman who managed to capture Sunmi’s attention deserved her and gave her all the love that Seulgi never could.

Sunmi deserved the kind of love that Seulgi had for Joohyun.

\----

Seulgi sat alone in the green room, waiting for the event to end. Joohyun had been pulled away to schmooze with donors and Sunmi left shortly after to sort out the logistics behind claiming her auction win. 

While she waited, the chef pulled out her phone to update her group chat about how the auction went. She was in the middle of answering Yeri’s most pressing questions (‘_How much did the Maui trip go for? Is it too late to bid? Wanna go halfsies?’) _when another person walked into the room.

The woman from earlier. The scary one.

Seulgi involuntarily gulped.

“Hello Chef Kang,” the woman greeted again. “I was hoping to find you here..”

“Oh! Hello again,” Seulgi said, with a respectful bow. “You almost won my auction.”

“Indeed; unfortunately that other woman was bolder than I was,” she sighed. She looked around the backstage room where they were; when her eyes flashed in realization that they were alone, she smiled to herself. “I’m glad to have caught you here alone. It’s been so dull out there since your auction ended.”

“Oh? Is the event finished?”

“No; I‘m just bored of listening to all the speeches,” she said. Seulgi had to admit, this woman had an almost distinguished air about her - like in a past life she was an empress, ruthless and imposing. She reminded her of Sunmi, but without any of her soft qualities. 

It intimidated the hell out of Seulgi. 

She looked past the woman at the door behind her - still open, thank goodness - and tried to plot a way to leave the conversation without seeming rude. 

“Well, I should go - I’d like to watch the end of the event-”

As Seulgi moved to walk past her, the woman took her arm to stop her. She was about the same height as the chef; it was her demeanor that seemed gigantic. 

“I’d rather you stay here and keep me company, Chef,” the woman said. “My name is Gyuri.”

“I’m Seulgi,” the chef said, moving her arm away from Gyuri’s grasp.

“It’s probably for the best I didn’t win,” Gyuri said almost speaking to herself, her eyes tracing up and down Seulgi’s face. Surely the chef’s discomfort was evident, but the woman continued to stare. “My husband wouldn’t have appreciated it if I came home with another woman. Again.”

Seulgi frowned; not only was this woman coming on _very_ strong, but she was married? She shook her head.

“Uh, that wasn’t exactly what I was auctioning…” Seulgi said, awkwardly. 

The woman just laughed. “Right, of course. I’m here to support the charity, just like you are.” 

Seulgi nodded, still with a concerned expression. She said, cautiously, “I’m sure the Seoul Women’s Crisis Center appreciates your support.”

It’s as if Seulgi didn’t speak at all, as the other woman reached up to tuck a loose strand of hair from the chef’s cheek. The chef flinched under her touch. 

“I have to be honest here - I find you very intriguing, Chef Kang.”

“Really?” Seulgi asked. She stared past the woman at the door out, hoping that someone would come in and interrupt them so she could escape the conversation. 

“Yes. I wish I won the auction so I could spend some time getting to know you. But maybe we can arrange to get to know each other another way?”

“Well, my restaurant is open every day…”

“No - I meant just you and I. One-on-one.”

Seulgi kept her expression stony. 

“Are you shy, Chef Kang?”

Seulgi had never felt this uncomfortable ever. This was a _married_ woman, coming onto her like this, not even concerned about Seulgi’s own comfort level or relationship status. She needed to get away, lest someone misinterpret their conversation. 

She was getting upset; the chef took a deep breath and took _another_ step back, not realizing how close Gyuri had gotten to her until they were nearly toe-to-toe. 

“No, not at all,” Seulgi bristled; if she were a cat, she would’ve had her hackles up at this point. “But I have a girlfriend and I love her-“

“-and she _really_ doesn’t like to share.” Joohyun’s voice interrupted. SeulgI looked at the doorway and saw her standing there, looking pissed. It was kind of sexy. “Gyuri-_nim_, I don’t think we’ve met properly. I’m Irene, the Fundraising Director at the Seoul Women’s Crisis Center.” 

Gyuri looked flustered by the interruption.

“Was your husband able to join you tonight?” Joohyun added, openly glaring. 

Gyuri bowed at Joohyun.

“It’s nice to meet you, Irene-ssi. I’ve heard so much about you from your CEO,” Gyuri said.

Joohyun nodded. 

“It’s good to see you, sweetheart,” Seulgi said, as Joohyun made her way to Seulgi’s side, wrapping her arm around her waist. Seulgi knew her body language looked petty - _this is MY girlfriend, you can’t get to me if she’s here! - _but she didn’t care. Not when Gyuri looked appropriately chastised by her behaviour. 

“If you two will excuse me…” 

The woman left the back room quickly without another word and Seulgi was glad. That was until Joohyun let go of Seulgi and turned to her, her eyes blazing. Seulgi had never seen Joohyun look so riled up.

“Did she do anything to you? Did she touch you? Did she upset you?” Joohyun asked, anger seeping through her voice. 

“No, she was just coming on strong, but she did nothing - I wouldn’t have let her.”

“I know you wouldn’t have; but if she tried _anything_-”

Seulgi shook her head and wrapped Joohyun in a hug again, to calm her upset girlfriend. “She didn’t. Don’t worry, baby.”

She’d gotten to know how soft and sweet Joohyun was usually. Seeing Joohyun like this - firey and stern - was something else. She’d seen glimpses of it before - when she’d tell stories about injustices done to the women she works with and for, or when they’d talk about current events.

But she’d never seen it directed to something so close to home. 

Joohyun sighed, like she was physically trying to stop her growing anger. She reached up and caressed the side of Seulgi’s face, tracing her fingers up her cheek bones.

“You told Gyuri that you loved me,” Joohyun said. It was almost spoken like a question, like she wasn’t sure if she heard correctly. 

The chef meekly nodded. 

“Is it true?” Joohyun asked, quietly. One could hear a pin drop in that empty room. 

Seulgi nodded once more, this time more confidently. In an ideal world, she would’ve told Joohyun herself - in a more romantic way, in a way that Joohyun deserved, when she felt the moment was right. She frowned to herself, cursing her loose lips and careless way of speaking. 

“Don’t say it to me yet,” Joohyun whispered, pulling the chef from her thoughts.

“No?” Seulgi asked, confused.

“I’d rather not have this moment here. But for the record?” Joohyun said, her eyes boring deep into Seulgi’s. The chef held her breath as Joohyun said, “I do too.” 

“That’s good,” Seulgi said, with a small, shy smile. She leaned down and gave Joohyun a brief peck.

“Also - I’m sorry that I was acting weird and possessive. I walked in and saw how upset and uncomfortable you were and I got angry,” Joohyun admitted. Seulgi tightened her arms around Joohyun, hoping it would alleviate all of her uneasiness. 

“It’s fine. You were defending my honour,” Seulgi said into the crown of Joohyun’s head. “You’re like my Knight in Shining Armour. If it makes you feel any better, it was a little sexy.”

Joohyun rolled her eyes at the compliment. 

“Well, then if you like possessive, I think you’ll like what I’m about to say next.”

“What’s that?” Seulgi asked, leaning back to look Joohyun in the eyes, still keeping her in her embrace.

It somehow didn’t seem possible, but Joohyun’s eyes looked darker, more sultry, than ever before. 

She reached up and linked her fingers on the nape of Seulgi’s neck and pressed her full, beautiful length - legs, stomach, chest - tight against the chef and pulled her in for a kiss. 

It was powerful and hungry and Seulgi would’ve fallen to her knees if she wasn’t holding onto Joohyun’s waist so tightly. Joohyun’s lips and tongue coaxed a keening moan out of the chef, but before it could go any further, Joohyun pulled away. 

And with a sexy smirk that Seulgi would’ve followed to the ends of the earth, Joohyun spoke quietly but with an authority that made Seulgi’s skin buzz with anticipation.

“You’re coming home with me tonight.” 

\----

After the event, Seulgi waited around for Joohyun to finish. A few people - _not_ Gyuri - approached her, but Seulgi patiently and confidently rebuffed their advances.

She had a girlfriend that she loved, thank you very much.

Finally, when Joohyun came to Seulgi with her purse in hand and dress coat on, it was time to leave. 

The car ride home was full of tension. Steamy, toe-curling, raw tension. 

Seulgi drove nervously - she knew exactly what was going to happen, and the thought of it, the _excitement_ of it, made it feel like she had butterflies in her stomach. 

At the same time though, she was ready to show Joohyun exactly how much she loved her. Any fear or nerves she had about this next step completely dissipated when she thought of that. 

Joohyun was the first thought Seulgi had when she woke up; she was the last thought she had when she went to bed. She was who she thought of when her thoughts were most pure and innocent. She also was who Seulgi thought of when she was alone in her room, in her most needy and longing moments.

Every good, complicated, simple, and honest emotion Seulgi had belonged to Joohyun. She was completely loved and adored and desperately wanted by the chef.

While Seulgi drove, she struggled to keep her focus on the passing streetlights and (fortunately) minimal traffic that they passed as they made the short drive to Joohyun’s apartment. The office worker couldn’t keep her hands off her, caressing her thigh with wandering fingers that occasionally slipped past Seulgi’s dress’s hemline, higher and higher up her thigh… 

They were lucky Seulgi was such a conscientious driver, because Joohyun was really testing her skills.

When Seulgi pulled into the visitor parking stall in Joohyun’s building and shut off the ignition, Seulgi felt two strong hands grasp at her shoulders and pull her in for an earth-shattering kiss.

Kiss? No, not quite.

It was more like a sweet devouring. 

Then somehow they were moving. Slamming car doors behind them, pushing past the other parked cars, mouths barely tearing away from each other. By some miracle they made their way onto the elevator.

Seulgi thanked whatever higher deity there was up there that none of Joohyun’s neighbours seemed to be around. As soon as the elevator door closed, Joohyun’s eager hands became even more exploratory, grasping firmly at Seulgi’s ass and pulling her in closely. 

Somehow they were in Joohyun’s apartment. Seulgi couldn’t describe how they got there, as all of her attention was on the flushed woman, desperately clinging to her.

Joohyun’s back was pushed against the wall outside her bedroom. They paused there, next to the closed door. Their foreheads pressed together as they both fought to catch their breaths.

But when Joohyun’s doe-eyes looked up at Seulgi, she figured she could deal with not breathing for a while. Her lips needed to be on her skin.

“I don’t think you realize how much I like you,” Seulgi said, leaving a trail of kisses along the side of Joohyun’s face before capturing her lips on her own.

“That’s impossible,” Joohyun breathed out, as she pulled away. “Because I like you...more than I’ve liked anyone.”

“Me too. In fact, I more than like you. I love you,” Seulgi said, finally, with more confidence than she’d ever had in her life.

They stared at each other for a moment. Then Joohyun’s voice softened, and she reached up to caress Seulgi’s check. 

“I love you, too.” 

This time it was Joohyun who brought Seulgi’s lips down to her own, deepening it immediately, gently licking into Seulgi’s mouth, bringing out sweet moans from the chef. While they were kissing, somehow Seulgi reached for the bedroom doorknob and managed to twist it open, pulling Joohyun inside.

Seulgi had only been in the room a handful of times and never in situations like these. Not with the certainty that something monumental was going to happen. It made her heart speed up knowing that she was going to give all the love she could give to Joohyun.

Now that Joohyun knew she loved her, Seulgi could now show her exactly how much.

She gently laid Joohyun onto the bed and the woman sat up on her elbows, watching as Seulgi stepped out of her high heels and then unzip the back of her dress.

Slowly, she slipped the garment down, past her shoulders, down her torso, beyond her legs to pool at her feet. She watched as Joohyun’s eyes followed the movement, staring at every inch of new skin that was revealed to her like Seulgi was prey and she was a predator, ready to devour her.

Little did she know, Seulgi was the one in charge tonight. 

While Joohyun often took the lead in a lot of things, this, right here, is where Seulgi shined. She couldn’t wait to give Joohyun everything she had. She wanted to make her feel so good and so loved that she forgot her own name.

She stepped out of her dress to stand in between Joohyun’s legs that were dangling off the side of the bed. She stood confidently in her matching bra and underwear and shamelessly showed off her incredible body that she _knew_ Joohyun was lusting over. She’d seen Joohyun stare at it before; she’d felt Joohyun’s lingering touches. She could see it all over her face right now. 

Joohyun was breathing deeply - flushed with desire, her fingers pinching and curling into the bedsheets already, as if she was trying to exercise some restraint.

Soon enough, Seulgi thought, Joohyun wouldn’t have to hold back. 

Seulgi reached down and pulled Joohyun up to her lips, kissing her completely and fully like she didn’t have any control. She sucked Joohyun’s tongue into her mouth; Joohyun responded by pulling away but not before gently tugging Seulgi’s bottom lip between her teeth.

Seulgi kissed her way down from Joohyun’s lips down to her neck, scraping her skin gently with her teeth, licking over the spots where she left marks, soothing away any discomfort Joohyun may have had. She didn’t think Joohyun minded, based on the gasps and moans that slipped past her lips. The woman beneath her clutched desperately at Seulgi’s back as the chef continued to explore the expanse of skin on her neck, shoulders, and collarbones. 

She gave a silent prayer of gratitude to the designer of the dress for making it possible to have Joohyun’s beautiful upper chest on display all night.

Joohyun’s hands became more effortful, pushing at Seulgi’s shoulders, trying to encourage her to go lower and lower - but Seulgi wanted her to beg a little.

So she took her time. She took in everything that Joohyun was responding with. Seulgi sucked and nipped at Joohyun, discovering new places and ways she could make the woman shudder and whimper and cry out for more. 

Joohyun finally - and rather impatiently - pulled her hands away from Seulgi’s back, and almost exasperatedly reached behind herself to undo her own dress. Seulgi stopped her fingers and laughed into her skin. 

“What are you doing, baby?” she asked, breathily. She grinned as she looked down at Joohyun.

Breathing heavily. Her hair out of place. Love bites and bruises painting her neck and chest. She looked up at Seulgi like she was the world _and_ like she wanted to strangle her for teasing her so much. 

It was fucking incredible. 

“Please?” Joohyun asked, her voice small.

“What, baby?”

“Please. I need to feel all of you. _Please_, Seulgi-ya,” Joohyun whined. 

That’s all Seulgi wanted to hear.

Even the act of pulling Joohyun’s zipper down caused the woman to moan out, like she was frenzied and desperate. And from the wild look in her eyes, Seulgi knew that she was. 

If Seulgi was being honest, she delayed undressing Joohyun for as long as she could, because she knew that once she saw every bit of Joohyun, she would be a goner. Every part of her would belong to Joohyun. 

And she was right. Joohyun impatiently kicked off her dress and moved up the bed to lie on the pillows, beckoning Seulgi with her finger to come closer. But as Joohyun did that, Seulgi was in a daze.

Joohyun was a _vision_.

Beautiful, milky white skin that looked soft and smooth like porcelain_. _A flat, toned stomach that showed off her strength. Legs that went on forever, thighs that were _begging_ to have Seulgi’s face between them. 

But it was her eyes - the hazy, dreamy look within her dark eyes - that seemed to bore right into Seulgi’s soul. Those are what drew her in most. 

Seulgi’s center began to throb even stronger, in anticipation, in want. 

Okay. She had enough staring. She had enough teasing. 

She was going to give Joohyun - and herself - everything she wanted.

Seulgi climbed onto the bed and crawled up to Joohyun, once again capturing her lips on her own. While she kissed her she reached behind and unclasped Joohyun’s bra and slipped it off. 

And _fuck._ Every part of her was perfect.

She reached up and cupped Joohyun’s breasts, playing with her nipples and making the woman cry out with every flick of her thumb. Seulgi kissed her way down and groaned along with Joohyun when she _finally_ took a nipple into her mouth. She rolled the bud between her lips, flicking it, circling it with her tongue as Joohyun clutched Seulgi’s head closer to her. Her hand paid equal attention to Joohyun’s other breast, before switching and teasing it the same way.

Joohyun was a writhing mess. 

“Seulgi-ya, please. _More_...”

Seulgi looked up and grinned at Joohyun, who returned her look with hooded eyelids and her best approximation of a glare. Seulgi knew she was teasing - but she knew all this teasing would make everything even sweeter, so she continued to resist. 

Instead, Seulgi flicked out her tongue again, quickly over Joohyun’s nipple and letting out a breathy laugh as Joohyun groaned out again. The woman pushed her center against Seulgi’s bent leg, bucking it against her thigh.

And even though she still had her panties on, Seulgi could feel her need.

Joohyun was _soaking. _

“Baby,” Joohyun cried, with a shaky breath, “_please_.” 

Seulgi took a breath then nodded. She kissed Joohyun’s lips and laid her body on hers, her skin flush against Joohyun’s - their breasts pressed together - and then began to kiss down her body. 

Joohyun writhed with each press of Seulgi’s lips and tongue against new parts of her skin. From neck to her breasts, to her stomach, down to her navel. She cried out when Seulgi reached her hips and gave them a nip, so Seulgi did it again on her other hipbone. Joohyun seemed to be sensitive _everywhere_, but the closer Seulgi got to where she was needed most, the more Joohyun couldn’t seem to control herself. 

When she finally reached her center, she almost cried out. 

_Perfection_.

Her lips were pink and glistening, looking ready to be claimed by Seulgi. She breathed in the heady scent, one that was distinctly Joohyun’s alone, and finally tasted. 

“_Fuck_,” Joohyun cried out, grasping Seulgi’s head and keeping it in place.

Seulgi wasn’t going anywhere.

She exploringly swept her tongue up and down her folds, making note of what made Joohyun’s breath hitch, what made her clutch her hair a little tighter, then she licked inside once, twice, then a few more times. All the while, Joohyun was writhing above her. 

She kept the motion up, pushing her tongue inside and out, swirling it within her. In the meantime, she brought her palm up and laid it on her public bone. She toyed her clit with her thumb, pushing, rubbing and flicking in tandem with thrusts of her tongue . 

Suddenly Seulgi switched gears and was rewarded with a loud moan. She slipped a finger into her, then two, and moved her mouth to play with her clit. She swept her tongue on it in firm, tight circles while her fingers curled within her.

Joohyun cried out for her - a string of requests like, ‘_harder!’ _and ‘_faster!_’ - and Seulgi complied. 

She was rewarded with the tell-tale signs of her lover’s approaching orgasm. The tightening of her walls against her fingers. Her incoherent, gasping, drawn-out moans. Her legs, shaking and squeezing against her ears.

And she came. Loud and hard and tight on Seulgi’s fingers, her back arched in a devastatingly beautiful way.

Seulgi kept going though, kept pistoning and fucking Joohyun with everything she had, wanting her to feel _every_ feeling she could - all the passion, love, intensity that she had for her. She didn’t stop when Joohyun came hard, again. The woman beneath her cried out once more, in surprise and pleasure, as her second orgasm washed over her in waves. 

She didn’t stop until Joohyun pulled her up from her shoulders, to bring their lips together. 

“_Baby_,” Joohyun shuddered out, as Seulgi pulled her fingers out of her while she tasted herself on her lips. “Oh my god…”

“I love you,” Seulgi said, resting her head against Joohyun’s cheek, both of them catching their breaths.

“I love you, too.” Joohyun held her tightly, wrapping her arms around her body. She splayed her hands on Seulgi’s back, running her fingers up and down when she seemed to have come to a realization.

“Why do you still have clothes on?” she asked, her breath still shuddering. 

“I was kind of distracted,” Seulgi said with a quiet chuckle. Joohyun undid the clasp on Seulgi’s bra, tugging it off. 

With shaky hands, still trying to ground herself after her orgasms, Joohyun pushed Seulgi’s shoulder, to roll them over. She laid next to her and took in Seulgi’s newly exposed chest. 

“Oh god, your body is seriously…”

“What?” Seulgi said, with a smirk. She was confident in her body, but she wanted to hear it.

“I can’t wait to taste every inch of you.”

Joohyun’s hands immediately roamed up to cup Seulgi’s breasts. They fit perfectly in Joohyun’s palms. She leaned down and licked and nipped at them, giving distracting kisses to Seulgi’s dusky nipples. As she toyed with Seulgi, she reached her hand down and slipped them past Seulgi’s underwear, completely surprising Seulgi.

The chef let out a wrecked gasp. “_Fuck…”_

“God, Seulgi, you’re so wet. Did I do that to you?”

“Yes,” Seulgi moaned out, as Joohyun pulled her fingers away just to slip off her underwear.

“Can I?”

Seulgi desperately nodded as she frantically kicked off her underwear. She let out a loud gasp when she felt Joohyun fill her with one finger, curling it within her, the pad of her finger reaching the _exact_ right spots. She choked in a breath as Joohyun started thrusting into her. 

“Watching you come was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen in my life,” Seulgi admitted in a whisper. She could barely speak with what Joohyun was doing to her. 

“Well I’m _pretty_ sure that seeing you, right now like this is the sexiest thing _I’ve_ ever seen in my life.” Joohyun started kissing lower, and lower before reaching Seulgi’s cunt. “But enough talking. It’s my turn to taste you.”

And her tongue was..._incredible_. She also now slipped in a second finger inside her, and they worked together to push and pull, putting pressure on her g-spot. Joohyun shifted a bit and used her free had to take Seulgi’s leg and drape it over her shoulder, to change the intensity of the angle. 

As soon as her body shifted upwards, Seulgi saw stars.

While Joohyun’s tongue licked and swirled and her fingers fucked, Seulgi was whimpering, pushing back with her hips in time with every thrust from Joohyun. 

She couldn’t register anything except for Joohyun. 

Her hands.

Her fingers. 

Her mouth.

Her tongue.

Her eyes. Her eyes that are looking up at her right now.

Her eyes that looked _right_ into Seulgi's soul, seeing everything she had to give her and still wanting it all.

And with that realization, it all seemed to come at her at once. It simultaneously felt like too much and not enough - then she suddenly felt _everything. _She came and it was like a supernova, exploding all around her, surrounding her and Joohyun. 

This release - it had _never_ felt like this before.

She grasped at Joohyun, at the sheets, at anything to keep her grounded as she orgasmed. She kept coming and the feelings intensified more and more until-

She blacked out.

But only for a moment. 

When she came to, Joohyun was over her, pressing kisses to her face. 

“Holy fuck, Seul,” Joohyun said, in awe. “Are you okay?”

Still shaking and in a daze, Seulgi could barely focus. But then she noticed - Joohyun’s forearm was glistening with wetness..

“Did I…” _Squirt_. 

“You did.”

Seulgi gasped, reaching down and shuddering as she touched her sensitive center. “I’ve never before...”

“Really?” Joohyun asked in surprise and with a _hint_ of smugness. 

“No. That was a first,” Seulgi admitted. She laughed in exhaustion and disbelief. “Thank you.”

“Did you just thank me for making you come?”

“Maybe? My head isn’t on right after that. You wore me out.”

“Likewise,” Joohyun said, smirking at Seulgi’s endearing, albeit tired, behavior. Seulgi couldn’t even protest though - she felt like she was on a cloud. “Let’s sleep. And then we can keep doing _that_, because we were _really_ good at it together.”

“Sounds good to me.”

And Seulgi fell asleep to the feeling of Joohyun’s arms circling around her waist, nothing between the two women, just their beating hearts, pounding in sync with one another. 

  
  


\----

The feeling of being cold woke Seulgi up. 

Cold, she quickly realized, because she was alone.

It only took a few moments for her to realize where she was - Joohyun’s bed - and what had happened the night before. Her body’s delicious ache was her first reminder; her second was her state of complete undress.

She smiled to herself as she got up - putting on Joohyun’s silky robe from the back of her closet door - and decided to find the woman who was responsible for her feelings that morning.

It took her just a few steps to find her. She leaned against the wall in the kitchen and enjoyed the view before Joohyun noticed. 

Joohyun was quietly humming and dancing to herself, stirring something on the stove (it smelled delicious) and was wearing one of Seulgi’s oversized t-shirts (she must’ve stolen it from her place). 

She looked like every good thing in Seulgi’s universe. She could set time to the beating of her heart - it beat only for Joohyun, strong and steady, unwaveringly, like it was made for Joohyun and Joohyun alone. 

Finally, Seulgi recognized the song that was being hummed.

“_SoulMate_? I might have to agree...”

Joohyun jumped and Seulgi grinned. 

_My jumpy girlfriend,_ she thought with affection. If Seulgi didn’t know her better, she would've thought it was exaggerated, with how high she went. 

“You _scared _me!” Joohyun said, she said, taking the kitchen towel off the fridge handle and snapping it at Seulgi, jumping again to hit her. 

However, Seulgi was a little too distracted to do anything about it because…

“...uh, you’re not wearing anything under that.”

Joohyun rolled her eyes and returned to the stove. 

“You have a one-track mind.”

“You just bring it out of me.” Seulgi kissed her neck, then wrapped her arms around her, as she stirred.

“Smells good.”

“The food or me?”

“Both,” she answered. She looked at what was being made and then grinned. “_Miyeok-guk?_”

Joohyun nodded. 

“You mentioned it last night and I don’t think you realized it but… well, I made this for you, nearly a year ago today.”

“You did?”

“I did. I checked when I was texted by the girls to come check on you, and sure enough - it’s just a couple of days from now.”

“Wow. Time flies.” 

“It does. And I thought it would be appropriate. My pathetic, tortured heart started to fall for you that night I made it for you,” Joohyun said, leaning back into Seulgi’s arms as she tasted the broth one last time. 

“Hey. Don’t call your heart pathetic. I happen to love your heart very much, thank you,” Seulgi said, giving Joohyun another kiss.

“Lucky me.”

They grinned at each other. 

“Okay, the soup is done. Let’s eat.” 

“Wait! First-” Seulgi kissed Joohyun. “I really love you.”

“I really love you too.” 

“Okay. Now we can eat. I’ll get the bowls.”

They served themselves. Seulgi pressed a playful (and a little sloppy) kiss to Joohyun’s lips before sitting down at the table next to her. She grinned at the woman next to her, resting her elbow on the table and propping her head on her hand. “Thanks for making breakfast.” 

“Any time.” Joohyun leaned forward and gave Seulgi a _proper_ (unsloppy) kiss. “Now eat.” 

Seulgi dipped her spoon into the bowl and tasted the broth. “This is even more delicious than I remember,” she said, diving in. 

“Remember what state you were in when you I made it for you before?” Joohyun asked. 

“I should actually be calling _myself_ pathetic. _That_ Seulgi needed a lot of help,” Seulgi said. 

“A little bit. But somehow I couldn’t get enough of you.” 

“And look at us now,” Seulgi said. The two grinned at each other. “I bet you’ll get sick of me soon.”

“Unlikely,” Joohyun said. “In fact, I kind of made this with an ulterior motive in mind…” 

“What’s that?”

“Well, since this is birthday soup, we’re going to be celebrating.”

Seulgi thought for a moment, squinting her eyes - what was the date? 

...no her birthday. Not Joohyun’s birthday. 

“Another fake birthday?” she ventured. 

Joohyun laughed. “Not quite. We’re celebrating a lot of things. Like each other. Like our future together. Like how it’s going to be just you and me, from now on.”

Seulgi’s heart stopped beating for a moment. 

“Promise?”

“I promise,” Joohyun said, simply. “Instead of it being the ‘birth of a new you’ like it was before… let’s say that today we’re celebrating our commitment to each other.”

“Happy birth of us being together? That’s a little wordy,” Seulgi said.

“Well, how about this - today is the first day of my commitment to you. I promise that from this day forward, I will try my best to make you happy, for as long as you want me.” 

“What if I want you forever?”

Joohyun reached across the table and held her hand out; Seulgi took it and gave it a tender, soft kiss. Their eyes locked, and Joohyun’s next words were breathed out, like a vow.

“Then I’ll make you happy forever.”

  
  


\--------------------------------------------------------

  
  


It was _still_ the perfect Friday night hot spot. 

Full of customers with a line out the door and down the block, people still came from far and wide to try _Gomdori Restaurant’s_ exciting modern takes on traditional dishes. But not only was the food great - the environment was warm, the patrons were friendly, and the Chef? Well, she was becoming one of Seoul’s most popular chefs - especially after being profiled in the _Korean Post. _

Despite her busy schedule, she always made time for her customers. Like her regulars. Yongsun and Byuli were at the front window, this time with their friends Hwasa and Wheein. Sicheng and Jungwoo were at another table with big bowls of _kimchi-jjigae -_ along with Chef Kang’s former cooking student (and now occasional kitchen worker) Chenle. 

And, as usual, closest to the kitchen sat Seulgi’s favourite person in the world, Joohyun.

It didn’t matter how busy _Gomdori Restaurant_ was. Chef Kang was ready to take a break when Joohyun was there. And just like the first time she saw her, she was struck by how beautiful and tiny she was.

Especially when she was sitting next to a high chair.

“Hi baby,” Seulgi said, giving Joohyun a kiss on the cheek. “And hello, sweetheart.”

Seulgi knelt down be at eye-level with the occupant of high chair - Seulgi’s own personal sunshine, her daughter Rowoon. She was a little over a year old and had Joohyun’s bright, charming smile and Seulgi’s curious personality. 

“She has been fussy since I picked her up from your parents place, but settled down when we got here. I think she missed you.”

“Well I missed _her_. And I missed _you_.”

“When are you off today?”

“Not until later; it’s just Taeil and Yerin in the kitchen right now. But I can join you and Rowoon for dinner, if you like?”

Joohyun turned to her daughter, who was busy sucking on her hand.

“What do you think, Rowoon-ah? Should we let your _umma_ join us?”

Rowoon stared back at Joohyun with was much baby-intensity as she could.

Then she giggled. 

Satisfied with her answer, she turned to Seulgi. “I don’t know, Seul. I don’t think she wants you to join us.”

“Ya!” Seulgi cried. “My daughter wouldn’t betray me like that. Rowoon-ah, tell your _umma_ that you want me to join you.”

Again, Rowoon just giggled at her mothers’ behaviour. 

Still, Seulgi and Joohyun looked at her like she held the answers to the universe.

“I guess that settles it,” Joohyun said, after a beat. “You can join us.” 

Seulgi beamed at her daughter. 

After alerting Taeil and Yerin about her break and removing her chef coat and toque, she joined Joohyun and Rowoon, who were already eating - Joohyun with bibimbap and Rowoon with porridge. The chef’s own bowl of _bibimbap_ was ready for her when she reached the table. 

The two mothers took turns helping Rowoon eat from her bowl while they shared stories about their day. 

Joohyun talked about her work day - her coworkers’ shenanigans and their latest fundraising push. She updated her on her afternoon with Rowoon, after she picked her up from Seulgi’s parents (who helped out when Seulgi and Joohyun were unable to take care of her during the day). Seulgi told her about her busy morning - cooking class with her students, then her brief workout, and her shift so far at _Gomdori. _

And of course, the two included Rowoon in their conversation, knowing that even though she didn’t understand them, it was good for her developmental progress. When she was pregnant, Joohyun read books upon books about early childhood development and raising children. All the tips and advice she gleaned she passed along to Seulgi, who took all of Joohyun’s research very seriously.

Whenever Rowoon would gurgle in response, the two mothers were convinced that they were raising a genius. 

Seulgi and Joohyun had been together for a few years now and considered themselves to be as good as married, laws be damned. When Joohyun told Seulgi she was ready to have a child with her, Seulgi was over the moon.

Rowoon brought so much joy to their lives; Seulgi couldn’t imagine her life without her. To Seulgi, she was the smartest, most charming baby in the world. She definitely took after her mother, Joohyun. Their daughter had already helped Seulgi in the kitchen at _Gomdori_ (well, she’d sat off to the side in a high chair and ‘supervised’ as her mom cooked). And she helped Joohyun at her office (again, she’d sat next to her desk in a high chair and ‘supervised’ as her mom worked). See? Even more evidence that their daughter was brilliant. 

Seulgi lived a never-ending love story with Joohyun and the proof of their love, Rowoon. 

Seulgi couldn't have imagined a better life.

“Did you like your dinner?” Seulgi asked her daughter. Rowoon dribbled out porridge with a grin. To anyone else it was gross, but to Seulgi she was perfect. She reached over and wiped her mouth clean with her baby washcloth. “How about you, Hyunnie?”

“It was delicious, as usual.”

“Yerin prepared it for us and she did a great job,” Seulgi said, making a mental note to herself to compliment her cook. 

Shortly after they finished, Sooyoung came by to clear the plates from their table (and coo at their daughter, of course). That was Seulgi’s cue to _unfortunately_ go back to work. But first, she had to follow through on tradition. 

“Before you go, I have something for you and your _umma_,” Seulgi said to Rowoon. 

“What is it?” Joohyun asked, always excited about whatever Seulgi could give them.

“Give me two seconds…”

She went back to the walk-in fridge and grabbed a wrapped package with a sticky note that Seulgi drew a heart on. She came back to her beautiful partner standing behind a stroller with her beautiful daughter seated inside, ready to go. 

It always made her a little sad to see them off, but it gave her some comfort knowing that after work, when she was exhausted and ready for sleep, she’d come home to her family. 

“_Bungeo-ppang?” _Joohyun said, her eyes lighting up. She reached forward to grab it, but Seulgi held it back.

“Promise me you’ll share with our daughter?” she teased. Joohyun rolled her eyes and grabbed it out of Seulgi’s hands, easily. 

“Fine. But when she took over my body for nine months, I shared all the _bungeo-ppang _and more with her.”

Seulgi laughed. “It’s _kind of_ not the same thing at all.”

“You didn’t get pregnant, you can’t disagree with me on that.”

...Joohyun had a good point. She raised her hands up, surrendering to her partner’s logic. 

She saw them off - not without giving a kiss on the forehead to her beaming daughter and a tender kiss on the lips to her beautiful partner - and watched them walk off, towards their shared apartment. 

When Seulgi thought back to who she was before, it was like thinking back on an old friend. She always tried her best and was well-meaning but she was sensitive, too reliant on others, a little selfish and _really_ naive. But being with Joohyun taught her so much about herself - how to use her sensitivity as a strength. How to rely on others without taking away her own independence. How to give more of herself to others. How to use her judgement and experience more without losing her innocence and her trust in others. 

And now, all these new things made her a better person than who she was before.

She was a better chef. A better boss. A better partner. And a mother. 

_Gomdori_ had brought her so much great things in her life - Joohyun, her child, her friends, her success. But it was Seulgi’s own hard work - inspired by the woman she loved - that gave her the amazing life she never knew she could have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is cross-posted from AFF. 
> 
> PLEASE DO NOT REPOST THIS/CONVERT THIS ANYWHERE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)

**Author's Note:**

> **If you see this fic posted anywhere but Archive of Our Own and AsianFanfics, it has been copied without my consent. Please do not repost and do not convert/plagiarize this work.**


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